@iamsally Fingers crossed that it is a pleasant visit with the nieces and their families!! At least they won't be staying at your place so there will be a bit of a buffer. Maybe they will find some things at grandma's house that they want to take with them...they can "help" with some of the stuff while they are there. @Marlin Perkins I hope your dad has a speedy recovery, and that things go as smoothly as possible with the kids. Family is important, but they can really drive you nuts sometimes!!
So far so good; but it is only day one. Luckily I had some toys to pull out for the 2yo. I was ready to give them away.
Just a little vent. This just keeps getting harder! Rod's mom does nothing but cry and insist she is well enough to go home. There is nothing to say to her. Whether we lie or tell her the truth; she does not remember anyway. There is a white board in her room telling her where she is and who has her dog. She can read it and 2 seconds later ask where she is, why and who has Mitsi. She is aware enough to know that Rod is in charge and baits him constantly. (That is not the disease; it is what is left of her true personality.) It is just that now we cannot call her on it or refuse to visit her like we used to. So as not to make this sound like a self-pity post; I really feel bad for her. Nobody should have to live like she and the other clients there. (The exception being her roommate who is a hoot and loves the place. She is happy to have no responsibilities.) My MIL on the other hand is and always has been a fiercely independent woman who hates losing her freedom. She does not remember that she has not been able to take care of herself for several years. In fact, her most recent story is that she drove to Oasis to visit a friend and was kept there by mistake. We have been to one support group meeting and it really helped. I am looking forward to the next one.
I know it has to be tough.... And, I pray for your strength in dealing with the situation. You're right, it isn't fair that anyone should have to live like that. Their words and actions can also easily hurt those that love them--even when you know they're not in their right mind. My dad's mom was getting dementia before she died and she made some mean comments to my dad and to a few others. My dad has always kind of laughed it off. But, at the same time, I know it really cut him. My wife's grandma always cried and made her daughter feel bad about putting her in a care facility. Sadly, there weren't any other options. I have always vowed that if I live long enough and I see myself heading in the direction of needing to go to a facility or even if I get to the point where I can't wipe my own rear end, I will put myself out of everyone's misery. It's easy to say now though....Probably quite different when the moment of truth arrives. Although, I did know a man who made that very decision when he saw his health and cognitive abilities diminishing.
I as well. (Especially if I can't wipe my own butt.) And I often wonder if I will change my mind when the time comes. I live in a state that has legalized "assisted" suicide but dementia does not qualify. (By the time one is 6 months from death; they are not competent to make the decision.) Real Catch 22. All I know is I will never put my children through what we are going through.
I commend you for doing as much as you guys are for Rod's mom. My grandma had dementia and also very limited speech due to a stroke. She may not have been able to make much sense due to the aphasia, but she could swear like no other when it came down to it (which was very un-grandma like). It's hard to do things for others when all they are is just plain ol' mean, but a lot of that can be because of fear. They don't understand what is going on...they just know things aren't the same anymore, and feel rather powerless so they lash out at the closest thing to them. The only nugget I can give you in regards to dealing with mom is answer every question like it's the first time that she has asked it (even if it's the 1,000th time) because to her it could be the first time she has asked and she doesn't understand the exasperation that we tend to feel after answering the same thing repeatedly. I think it's great you're doing a support group too! It's always good to know that others are dealing with similar things and have somebody to commiserate with.
Group is great. Many still have their loved ones at home. I admire them. That was never an option we even considered. We did consider getting in home care but at the cheapest rates the 24 hour care she needs would run over $7,000 a month. Not doable. And we would worry when we are away. Besides the fact that I do not believe she would be any happier; she just thinks she would be. I do feel bad that she cannot have her dog because that is who she misses most. Her sister is supposed to be bringing her for a visit but hasn't yet. (She has the dog but lives 90 minutes away.) Thanks guys for lending and ear or two.
I love Autumn!!!! (To spite the fact that tomorrow is supposed to be 91ยบ.) We have some beautiful colors here too. (But I think they were planted just to give us fall colors.) Ours tend to be more red, like this.
There is some light at the end of the tunnel. Well, maybe the middle of the tunnel. We are staying home for a few months to get ours and Rod's mom's affairs in order. Here we have procrastinated for years getting our house cleared of junk and ready to sell; now we have two houses to sell. (And she is a much worse hoarder than we are and has had 30 more years to collect what is mostly worthless junk!!) To make it even harder; there was a scabies outbreak at the home so our support meetings are cancelled until it is cleared up.
Good LUCK with the cleaning and selling! My dad is still in the process of moving from a 3 bedroom house to a very small 2 bedroom condo with his girlfriend. Basically, he will now have a bedroom. Most of the furniture and other possessions will stay at his old house until we can get rid of it. It will take a lot of time to clean out the house. On a bright note, I was able to gather some of my mom's things from the house (she died almost 4 years ago). My mom was the greatest cook in the entire world! Ok...maybe the greatest cook in MY world. So, I was happy to get some of her kitchen items. I tend to think of her quite a lot while I'm cooking. I also got a huge box of old family photos and photo albums. I want to sort through them all, scan them, and share them with my relatives.
Oh the albums and albums of photographs!!!!!!! I have been working on my family's for years already. Now I have hers. (She hoarded them away and held them hostage only letting us see a few of them.) There are pictures of us and our kids that we have never seen. Rod's dad was a pretty pathetic photographer so there are really only a few worth saving. Some that I have been working on: My father in the 20's My paternal great-grandparents and my maternal grandmother at 16 Archie Moore playing ping-pong at our house in the 60's!
Oh wow!! Sounds great. Our Holidays are being spent at home this year. (I am, however, formulating a Christmastime trip to Disneyland next year.)
