Originally Posted By Labuda Ok, so... my oldest brother has disowned his daughter who is currently age 17 and actually had the gall a while back to ask me not to be friends with her on FB. I told him that HIS issues with her are not MY issues with her (I don't even know what the issues ARE other than he says she's a witch but uses a different word), she is my niece, and I've only met her in person ONCE, she's always been nice & polite with me, etc and so on. So, when I was in San Antonio this weekend, I scanned a couple of old family photos at my Mom's house and put them on FB. My brother FLIPPED that one of the pictures is a picture of my niece from 2003. He's actually threatening to DE-FRIEND me on FB if I do not take it down. It makes me ill that he is being like this. I really don't want to take down the picture of my niece. So, instead, I'm going to make it so HE cannot see the album it's in. I absolutely hate that he's doing this. So, I'm curious - if you were in my shoes, what would YOU do? Would you do what your sibling asked, or would you tell him to grow the heck up and be a man, or would you do what I plan to do, which is just make it so that he cannot see the photo of her?
Originally Posted By Labuda Oh, and if anyone can help me understand if I'm wrong to insist on trying to have a relationship, I would GREATLY appreciate it. I'm just about 99% sure, though, that my eldest brother's "because I said so" is about the worst EVER reason for me not to try to have some type of a relationship with my niece now that I can get in touch with her through FB.
Originally Posted By mele You know my history with my son (who is 19)...I would never, ever expect anyone in my family to disown him/shun him. As a parent, I would want *someone* to still be there for him if I couldn't or wouldn't. He's being completely unreasonable and you are completely in the right to keep the relationship. After all, if she's as messed up as he seems to think she is...how is having every single person in her life abandon her going to help her in any way? Rare is the person who fixes their lives if everyone thinks they're horrible and gives them no hope of retribution. I'd let him deal with how he wants to view your photos and posts. It's not your issue. His daughter EXISTS; he has to deal with it. It's not up to you to get involved in his issues when they do not truly involve you. She hasn't hurt you and you are under no obligation to shun. Good for you, Ann, for being there if she needs you.
Originally Posted By tashajilek I think its unreasonable to have a 17 year old girl abandoned from everyone in her life. It's your business whats pictures are on your facebook.
Originally Posted By Labuda Thanks, y'all. It's nice to get confirmation that *I* am not the insane one here. OMG, another thing that bugs the HECK out of me - he was telling me earlier today that I should not talk about ALS. FORGET THAT! ALS is the disease that killed our father, our grandmother, and has killed numerous other relatives. I do NOT see it as a "private family thing" like my brother does. I see it as a part of who I am, as I think any normal person would do. Yeah, I bring it up on occasion, but guess what? Other people do, too, and I hate that, for example, when my Dad's cousin Troy was diagnosed about 4 years ago (he died about 2 years ago), HIS WIFE HAD NEVER HEARD OF THE DISEASE! OMG, I am just floored by how some members of my family want to bury their heads in the sand and pretend it does not exist.
Originally Posted By KatieKate123 Truthfully maybe he's being a little 2 picky with who you are talking to or what you are talking about. It's your life, and you have the right to say what you want, and be friends with who you want. Though I can not imagine disowning my children, no matter what they do, if it should ever happen I would def want someone there for them. I was disowned by my father when I was 12. He and my mom got divorced, and he decided he didn't want a kid in his life anymore. He was fine with my sister since she was 18 but he ended his relationship with me shortly after. It hurt a lot, and what hurt the most was his family stopped talking to me altogether. I lost that whole side. My sister goes to family reunions, and stuff, and to me it's hurtful. I have never done anything truly wrong, and I have tons of respect towards my family so I am not sure what I did to deserve it. I would never wish that on another human being.
Originally Posted By Goofyernmost I know my opinion doesn't mean much, but considering how your brother is acting, I'm not a bit surprised that your niece rebelled a little. I don't hold much respect for any parent that would disown his own flesh and blood. That is self absorbed and downright cruel. I understand when they say that they don't know what to do to correct the situation and, "tough love" enters the picture, however, demanding others to cross the T's for them is totally and completely unreasonable. You do run the risk of him deciding that he doesn't want you in his life either, but sometimes doing the right thing has negative consequences. You have to sleep with yourself at night, so you need to do what you consider the correct route.
Originally Posted By calgrl2490 It sounds like even if you agreed to his terms, somewhere along the road he would find another reason to be mad at you. Sometimes you just have those family members that rub you the wrong way. Most people on these boards do and I know I've had my own share of trials. Unless she did something to you to warrant your anger you definitely shouldn't become a pawn in someone else's fight. I truly hope that things get better for you; seems like a tough situation. Just try not to engage him because that is what he thrives on.
Originally Posted By WDWdreamin I say post whatever you want and be friends with whoever you want! I think the right thing would be to tell him to grow up and leave it. But... I would totally make it so he couldn't see it and not talk about it anymore. I do not claim to have "guts" or any of the other euphemisms. On another note, my DH's mom has threatened to disown him a lot and another friend has had it happen, and these are for totally stupid reasons.
Originally Posted By Labuda Yeah, I made it so that he can NOT see the album in which the picture is. Oh, and he untagged himself in our family photo that was taken the last time the five of us (Mom, Daddy, brothers, and me) were together. It just floors me that a man who served in our military for 21 years can be such a freakin' twit. Oh, and just now I got an IM from him on FB asking me what Daddy's birthday was. GOOD GRIEF! Heck, maybe it would be better if I didn't know what it was, but I do, and it just amazes me that he has forgotten. I do everything I can to keep my Daddy's memory alive.
Originally Posted By FenwayGirl Labuda...families are a tricky thing, but I see no reason why you cannot have a relationship with your niece. I love the idea of your blocking your FB photos from your brother. Follow your heart.
Originally Posted By iamsally I hate family squabbles. We have had a few and the tradition in our family is to not take sides. It bugged me when my daughters totally ripped me a new one in Disneyland and everybody else stayed neutral. But I am sure it was for the best for the family unit. Things have blown over and we are all close once again. Rod has a brother to whom we have not spoken for over 15 years. My kids have all decided, for their own reasons, to have nothing to do with him. But we NEVER told them they could not see him. All this is to say that you have to do what you think is right. Without knowing all of the details; it sounds like your niece is in need of family support. Good luck.
