Originally Posted By MomofPrincess If your best friend's live-in boyfriend of one year keeps calling you DAILY to talk about their relationship problems, and how she "better shape up or he is going to stray..." (and btw he has managed to slip in how attractive he thinks you are.... and second oh btw, he left his wife & two kids for your friend in the first place....)Well, what do you do? Hypothetical background: You have only had this conversation with him *once* and have avoided at least 25 more phone calls in the past two weeks, sometimes 3 or 4 calls in a row. (Thank God for caller ID.) Do you: (1) Only tell HIM to knock it off, that you won't be talking with him any more and that you don't think the phone calls are appropriate whatsoever or, do you ALSO: (2) Risk your friendship with your best friend by telling her what he's been doing and that he can't be trusted? Is it better to just do (1) and not (2)? Hypothetically speaking, of course.
Originally Posted By Kar2oonMan #2. Best friends might get mad, but she deserves to know what kind of a guy she's hooked up with (of course, the bailing on his wife and kids to launch into the current relationship should be a major clue, but some people enjoy deluding themselves.) If a hypothetical best friend chooses this dude over your friendship and isn't grateful as anything for the red flag, well, she wasn't that great of a friend to start with. Hypothetically speaking.
Originally Posted By Lisann22 I'd go with 1 and 2. Tell him to knock it off and tell her about his actions. Sounds like a real loser. Aye yi yi!
Originally Posted By Lisann22 I just want to add I don't think I'd add any commentary to your best friend's conversation; "he can't be trusted." Just stick with the facts - he's calling you, you don't like it, you told him to stop. She already knows the rest, keep your opinions out and it might help save the friendship if that becomes a factor. As we all know, your friends will vent about their partners, you commiserate, then they go back to being in love and are ticked at what you said about their honeybunchsmootchiepoopsie. ;>
Originally Posted By mele I would definitely say something to her but do not say that he can't be trusted. That will probably just make her really defensive. I'd invite her over and let her listen to any messages he leaves and/or show her the call log. You might have to "prove" to her than he's been calling you. For some women, seeing (or hearing) is believing. I feel really badly for the hypothetical friend who has to make such a decision. Good luck to her, whomever she may be. ;-)
Originally Posted By Kar2oonMan The reason i skipped #1 in this hypotheticval scenario, is because he won't get ti. he will deny it all, saying, "I don't know WHERE you got that idea! I thought we were friends, I just needed someone to talk to.." etc., etc. I was assuming that, thanks to caller ID the calls weren't being answered. Also, he's smart enough not to leave phone messages as evidence, I think, so no matter what it'll be your word vs. his. Better that you get in there first with the facts before he has time to come up with a 'story'. I always wonder why a woman would think that 'Mr. Right' is a guy who would leave his family for her. Heck, this guy even owns up to the fact that leaving a woman for another wouldn't be any big deal in his attempts to score with someone newer. Yet it happens all the time. >>As we all know, your friends will vent about their partners, you commiserate, then they go back to being in love and are ticked at what you said about their honeybunchsmootchiepoopsie.<< Very true. This hypothetical situation is a no-win, but at this point, hopefully the hypothetical best friend will think twice before having a few children with this idiot before he sails off into the sunset again. Odds are, though, she'll slip into denial.
Originally Posted By Lisann22 See I wouldn't go on and on with the Loser about his calling - it would be short and terse with a high arched eyebrown attached. I'm not comfortable talking about your relationship with so and so. You are both my friends. So knock it off. Goodbye. No, long conversations about his hints of attraction to you, his wife he left before, his threats to his current girlfriend, blah, blah, blah. Just a very monotone, serious "stop, don't call again." <click>
Originally Posted By mele I can never figure out why people who date a cheater suddenly think that their partner will magically become monogamous once they are together. It almost never happens. Ugh, ever notice that cheaters almost always say and do the exact same things? It's like they get a friggin' handbook.
Originally Posted By mele I can never figure out why people who date a cheater suddenly think that their partner will magically become monogamous once they are together. It almost never happens. Ugh, ever notice that cheaters almost always say and do the exact same things? It's like they get a friggin' handbook.
Originally Posted By MomofPrincess Totally agree w/all of you. Thank you for the feedback! It helps to get different perspectives--mens' included. Here's the deal. The first time he called, I was caught off-guard, cut the conversation short, and then hung up and more or less freaked out by myself. The next day, I mentioned to HER that he had called (I didn't mention the part where he ripped on her as a girlfriend), thinking that she would question him about calling me and that that would bring it to an end. it didn't. Like I said, he has called my work phone & cell phone since, sometimes 5 or 6 times in a day. Ocassionally he leaves messages. I left the last message on my cell as "proof," just in case. I would never tell her that I think he's bad news or give an opinion of any sort; in fact, I'd have a hard enough time just giving the facts! I really just wanted to know if you guys thought I should do even THAT, though. Kar200n - TOTALLY agree with you. He even ended that first/last conversation with, "Well, thanks for letting me confide in you. You're a great friend" crap. I KNOW he would completely take that stance if I called him on it. I KNOW IT. He's got an answer for everything. Lastly, no kidding on the cheating thing! Don't people GET IT? If the guy cheated on someone else to get to you, chances are, he'll cheat on you, too, someday. (Or the woman, if that were the case. I know plenty of women cheat, as well.) So far, I've been avoiding his phone calls like the plague, but I will bite the bullet the next time I can pick up (and not be overheard by my boss or coworkers) and set him straight. Short, sweet & to the point. I guess I'll tell her, too. I know that ~I~ would want to know. Thanks again.
Originally Posted By alexbook How old is this guy, anyway? You say he had a wife and two kids? He's acting like a teenager. "Grown men, he told himself, in flat contradiction of centuries of accumulated evidence about the way grown men behave, do not behave like this." --Douglas Adams
Originally Posted By MomofPrincess You know, I'm not sure. My friend is 37, though, so somewhere around that age. He has teenage children--I know that much.
Originally Posted By Kar2oonMan Wha...? You mean this isn't hypothetical??? ; ) In all seriousness, it's very sad. I feel especially bad for his teenage kids.
Originally Posted By Mrs 2oon I will get completely blasted for this by everyone but here is my opinion.... If she was seeing a married man (with children) and knew he was married then she is the "other woman." She will get what she deserves. Plain and simple. If she did not know he was married then I would tell her a good friend should. Now I'll go build a shield of armor around me. : )
Originally Posted By MomofPrincess Mrs2oon, even though she is my friend, I totally, 100% agree with you. I had a problem with her "other woman" status at the time it was happening, and feel that "what goes around, comes around." I just hate that I'm in the middle of it all! LOL, 2oonman! I blew my cover, huh? ;-)
Originally Posted By Ursula Yay, Mrs. 2oon and I agree!!! When my boss was cheating on his wife and confided in me, I stopped him and said, "You know I'm a wife, too? Guess my what my advice is..."
