Well, the proverbial.....

has hit the proverbial


Much to long a story to go into in detail. But while we were gone Rod's mother sufferered a minor heart attack. We do not even know who authorized it but they took the 95yo woman with dementia in and repaired her heart. (She can seem very lucid so she may have authorized it herself. It was only after they had her a few days and realized she did not know where she was or why, that they evaluated her and gave a dementia diagnoses.) By the time we were able to get home; she was in a rehab. All she wants is to go home and to have her dog. (We are working on arranging that but we do not know much yet. She may be high functioning enough for in home care.)
She has no long term care insurance and regular facilities will not take her with a diagnoses of dementia and *memory care* homes cost upwards of $6000 a month and medicare does nothing for that. She has some money and property but not enough to cover that for long.
We have spent the last three years trying to get information from her but she would not let us in on anything. She did sign a Power of Attorney in Feb but come to find out; she set up a trust that a PoA has no power over. We cannot get to her money!! We can sell her house but the money will go into the trust.
We only have until May 4th to move her somewhere. (Translation: that is how long medicare will pay for her to be in rehab.)
A whole lot of stress and please forgive me my resentful attitude; but she brought this on herself and us with her refusal to face the fact that this could happen. There are also other relatives who are making the situation worse.
Just wanted to let you all in. More later.

 

Thank you all very much. We are off to see her and are having an evaluation done as to the extent of her condition.

 

It is getting more and more complicated. One doctor says one thing the home says another. The ladies that came for the evaluation really misrepresented their objective; which was to figure out how much to charge based on the extent of her care. They never even talked to her.
The upside right now (if one can call it that) is that the cardiologist wants to put in another stint so she will stay where she is for a least another month giving us more time figure out what to do.
We are still working on revising her trust. She made her brother-in-law (who is old and sick now) the first trustee, followed by her sister who is old and taking care of her sick husband and then Rod. So we still cannot touch her money even to do things for her; despite Rod's PoA.
So this week is being spent making appointments with social workers and if we can get her to write us a check; a lawyer. She is very cognizant of the moment she is in. So she just keeps insisting that she is going home with her dog. She is very angry at losing her independence. She insists she has been taking care of herself even though she has had help for years now. We may or may not be able to convince her that we are not trying to steal her money but spending it to get help for her.
Very troubling times and we are already getting our affairs in order to keep our children from having to go through this.

 

The trustees are his aunt and uncle who hate me and are mad at Rod for not doing things the way they think he should. They are 90 minutes away. I have no idea if they will cooperate or cause trouble. Poor Rod does not even want to see her but of course; that is going to be necessary.

 

This weekend is being spent filling out a mile-high stack of paperwork. If things go well we should have everything signed, witnessed and notarized to give Rod complete control. I do not think his aunt and uncle even want the worry. (Neither do we but someone has to do it.) Rod called the "Place For Mom" referral service and his cousin had already called them. She just jumped in while we were gone and started signing stuff and making plans. She has no legal rights at all so we have told people to ignore her.
Then, to add to the fun, the place she is in now says she cannot stay there until her next procedure (unless she pays for the week out of her own pocket). We have to take her out on May 2 and then she has the procedure on the 9th and then she can stay another 20 days (or however long her insurance will pay). Then we will need a permanent place for her. We will probably take her home with her dog for the week cuz I think it will make her happy. But there is no way we can take care of her full time. We are no spring chickens ourselves and we do have a life. We will have to sell her house to have the funds necessary and hope they last long enough.
I have heard of other people going through this but it always seemed so abstract. Now it is very real. We did not even realize that Medicare does not cover any long term care.

 

Thank you!!!
We had a long talk with the director of the facility she is in now. They also have assisted living floors with lovely little apartments. And the price is very doable. So we are going to take her home for a week to be with her dog as well as watching her to see just how well (or poorly) she does trying to take care of herself. Then she will go back for her stent and rehab at the same place. If it is determined that she has to be in care we will get her placed there. It is well located for us.
We did get all of the paperwork signed, witnessed and notarized so everything is in order now.