Originally Posted By Jim in Merced CA 15 years ago, I realized a dream of working at Walt Disney Imagineering. My role was administrative, I was a member of an HR team, similar to a Disney University. Training and development, first-day orientation, in-house seminars and the like. I had an immediate supervisor who, to this day, was one of the meanest, most vindictive people I've ever had the displeasure of working for. Bottom line, she just didn't like me, and made my life a living hell while I was there. It was 98% because of this person that I left WDI after one year -- ending a 5+ year career, which started at Walt Disney World as a member of Magic Kingdom Operations. After a Google search, I recently found that this person has their own business -- giving seminars and talks about providing quality service. Among other 'seminars' is one entitled 'What I learned at Disney.' [oh, brother]. I'd really love to craft a well-written letter to let this person know how their horrible management and people skills led me out the door, and how they took a young and enthusiastic man [I was 27 at the time] and temporarily crushed his spirit and confidence. Along with that, I'd like to point out to this former boss, that I am now co-founder and co-owner of my own successful company. I'm married, have a wonderful wife and 11-year old daughter. If written, I don't plan to hold much back. And yes, I'd like to rub it in their face a bit. What do you guys think about me writing this letter? Silly? Is it more about 'Life goes on and leave it alone'? It's 15 years later and it still smarts. Any input would be appreciated.
Originally Posted By LPFan22 ~~~Silly? Is it more about 'Life goes on and leave it alone'? It's 15 years later and it still smarts.~~~ It's all of the above. Sure it may seem silly to a lot of people but you have an opportunity to get this off your chest and possibly open this person's eyes to something she isn't aware of. At the same time the situation may be better left alone but you'll probably always wonder if you don't say anything. I don't personally see anything wrong with writing a letter providing it remains professional and to the point.
Originally Posted By LindsayC I’ve always been a move on kinda guy as when I’ve moved on its usually been to something better, and though it sometimes crosses my mind about the ‘bosses’ who I had resentment for, I can smile at where I have come to. (It was the same with teachers). Write the letter, and get it all on paper. Once you have focussed your thoughts that way then see how you feel. Then you can choose to send it or not.
Originally Posted By sherrytodd Seven years ago I held a trading position, working nights while taking care of my son during the days. I was the only person trained on this position. The position was to be eliminated due to a new computer system that was to be installed. I was promised my choice of day position if I would just see the position through till the end. I wasn't worried since I had ten years with the company and even if I was laid off I would qualify for 20 weeks of severence pay. Two days before the system was scheduled to go live my manager called me in and told me that I was being fired, because they felt I was manipulating my time cards (which of course I wasn't) thus getting rid of me without having to shell out the severence. I was devistated, plus faced with the task of rebuilding my career after having the black mark of being fired. I made a spectacular comeback and today have advance further than this manager has. I still continued to hold a grudge for being treated that way even though it led to my untimate success. When we got back from Peru and I had finished putting the photos on our website I realized that it was time for me to let this go. When I sent out an email to all our friends and family letting them know that our photos were up, I included my old managers email as well, pretty much as a symbolic act to myself to bury the hatchet. I received an email back and we swapped a few emails on how life was going, what we had been doing and how our families were. Nothing was ever mentioned about the incident, we just chatted as friends. At that point I felt that I was able to put this in my past and it was no longer a painful event to me. I guess, my advice would be to do what you feel is necesary, but decide what it is that you can do that will ultimately put this event behind you. You are very successful and have a wonderful family and stings from the past shouldn't influence your feelings of the future. People can change in 15 years and maybe this person had to come to terms (possibly not in a pleasent way) with their behavour to move up to where they are. That's just my two cents.
Originally Posted By Ursula Ooooohhhhhhhh, would I LOVE to write at least two letters like that to two people I've had the misfortune of working with in my life!!! But, I don't own my own company and I don't need to burn any bridges! I would do it if I were in your shoes, but I would take it from the "constructive criticism" pathway and not so much to just send words of wrath and venom. (Of course you can put in a few carefully chosen words of wrath and venom strategically placed!)
Originally Posted By Big Thunder Do I think it's silly? Of course not, Jim in Merced obviously was affected by this person in a negative way and still feels bad about it... Perfectly normal. I had a similar situation and when I learned that they were boasting how successful and how "good" [yeah right] they were I wanted to spit. Inside I wished I could expose the person, I also wanted them to know how I felt and how they affected me. A friend of mine who I used to bounce ideas off of and get second opinions on many issues listened good, pointed out a few things I couldn't see at the time and helped me out. The main thing my friend did was help me realise that if I reacted and contacted the person, it would probably not affect them in the least, in my situation, it probably would have only given them more satisfaction. If I tried to expose them publicly it could have hurt my reputation. The bottom line was that I was hurt and they were not, they could have cared less. So, the only positive thing I could do was to deal with what was bothering me, and not worry about changing them, as I couldn't change them f I wanted to and they weren't the ones affected anyway. As corny as it sounds, I prayed for them. No I didnt pray they they get hit by a bus, I sincerely prayed that they would feel compassion and have love in their life. I wrote a letter that I never sent and a few months later I burned it. Did I still feel some pain? Yes sometimes, but I moved on and it wasn't as intense. That may not be what's best for Jim in Merced's situation, but that was my experience, just sharing it. Take it FWIW.
Originally Posted By TomSawyer I think you've probably thought a lot more about her over the past 15 years than she did, Jim. She may not even remember you. Are you writing the letter to hurt her somehow and to show her that you "won"? Or are you writing to get some sort of apology from her for her behavior 15 years ago? Writing the letter may be cathartic, but if the letter is vindictive and mean then won't you just be justifying her past behavior as far as she's concerned? If she thought you were a jerk then, wouldn't you just be proving her point by showing her that you're still a little obsessed by her?
Originally Posted By Kar2oonMan I guess for me, I would say that you already won. You moved on, have success and happiness. You have nothing to prove to this person. I had a similar boss. The man was a maniac, unpredictable, abusive. So, I eventually got a new job, and even that he tried to foul up for me. He remained, I'm sure that same miserable little tyrant he always was. If I'd have written him a letter, it wouldn't have changed his world view at all. In fact, I think he'd be pleased that he'd made such an impact on me. I like Lindsay's advice -- write the letter, say what you need to say, get it all down on paper. But I wouldn't mail it. Your ex-boss wouldn't likely respond to it, or if they did, I doubt it would be to say , "Hey, you have a great point. I'm sorry I made your life such a living hell." At best, it would be an invitation to more nasty commentary like, "You got the treatment you deserved" or something. Better to know that you perservered in spite of a jerk like that, in my opinion.
Originally Posted By cape cod joe Touche Tom S. and also it's very simple "The best revenge is to live well" It seems like you are Jim. When Joel Osteen changed my life on 1/2/05 the whole crux of his sermon was letting go of the emotional baggage. You can't help opening it up occasionally for a "pity me party" but he says quickly zip the luggage back up and focus on the good. Just let go.
Originally Posted By Lisann22 I think we all have the one person in our life. I had a Dragon for a female boss when I was in my early 20's. I was crushed because I was excited to be working for a female for the first time. Boy, did I live to regret that. She destroyed my confidence and I was laid off after a year of living hell. It was the best thing that ever happen to me as it shaped the type of boss I am. I vowed to NEVER EVER be like her. When I'm feeling down or thing my managing of people is getting to depressing, weary or exhausting, I think about this witch. LOL Your sweet revenge and satisfaction is what you've done with your life since this person Jim. I think it's healthy to write the letter, I wouldn't send it though. I wouldn't waste the energy on this person. Good for you, just talking about it can be a release.
Originally Posted By t1lersm0m Without reading anyone else's responses, here's my opinion. It sounds like your grudge is well founded, and I understand it. However, the person you are upset with probably forgot all about you, and will most likely read your letter, laugh at it and rip it up. I think the best thing you can do is write the letter, so that you can get your feelings out there....make sure you hold nothing back. But don't mail it. I'd then rip the letter up myself. Don't give this person any more power over your life by holding the grudge. As I said, this person probably hasn't given you a moment's thought since you left.....and I feel like you sending this letter might make her feel good that she had such an impact on you (however negative it may be) that you had to write this letter to her. Does any of that make sense? I know you have a need to get this off of your chest, but maybe sharing your story here, and writing the letter for yourself, can help you close that chapter in your life.
Originally Posted By Jim in Merced CA I really appreciate the responses here, everybody. I'm not a vindictive person by nature and your comments do hit home with me. Thanks again for writing. If more LP members have any other perspectives, please let me know. Has anyone every sent 'the letter'?
Originally Posted By trailsend Jim ~ you wrote: >>It was 98% because of this person that I left WDI after one year << then you go on to say: >>Along with that, I'd like to point out to this former boss, that I am now co-founder and co-owner of my own successful company. I'm married, have a wonderful wife and 11-year old daughter.<< This mean old cranky woman was a stepping stone in your life. You might not have ever had your own company if not for her taking you out of wonderful WDI, the dream of your life. If you had not had such a dreadful experience, you never would have left. It was meant for you to have your own company. Things do happen for a reason.
Originally Posted By cape cod joe Exactly Girl as you know the saying "I wouldn't be where I am if I hadn't gone where I went" or something like that
Originally Posted By Jim in Merced CA trailsend, you are correct. Thank you for restating that. And it was definitely an important stepping stone to have worked at Imagineering when I did. My dream of what 'working at WDI' was supposed to be [in my mind], it could never have been. And I know these things intellectually. This whole ordeal hasn't bothered me in a long time -- I guess seeing her grinning mug on her website really brought back a lot of ugly memories.
Originally Posted By mele She would probably take credit for toughening you up and for helping make you the success you are today. She'll know that she really made an impact on your life because you remembered her for so long and took the time to write her a long letter. You don't want to give her that sort of satisfaction.
