Originally Posted By RoadTrip You never REALLY stop being a parent, do you? At least not until you are buried or burned. Our daughter rented half of a three-bedroom, two-bath condo and became roommates with the young woman who owned it. She signed a six month lease (both my daughter and the owner wanted six months in case they didn't get along). The lease will be up at the end of September, and my daughter has decided she would like to get an apartment on her own. Although she has enjoyed the relatively up-scale living conditions, she has not been comfortable with the obvious power differential between owner and renter. Even though my daughter supposedly pays for one bedroom and half the common areas, she has been told that she should not expect to 'decorate' the common areas; all the way down to not displaying her family photos on the fireplace mantle where the owner displays her family photos. The owner of the condo is also getting married some time in the coming year and is not sure how long she will own the condo before putting it up for sale. It also takes considerably longer for our daughter to get to work than she thought it would from that location, and she would like her commute shortened to save both money and time. More than anything, our daughter feels she is completely ready to stand on her own and would really like to have her own apartment. She has found an apartment that she loves, that she can afford, that is about a mile away from our home and only about 5 miles away from where she works. Her commute will be cut from 45 minutes to 15 minutes. She toured the apartment tonight with my wife and told the manager that she would like to move in October first. She has not signed anything yet, but has verbally committed to taking the apartment. She was really excited about moving until she went home tonight and talked to her roommate. All of a sudden the roommate is begging her to stay, saying that she will agree not to put the condo up for sale for at least another 6 months, will let my daughter personalize the common areas, etc. My daughter, being the kindest and most empathetic person on earth is truly troubled by this. My wife and I both feel that she has fulfilled her lease obligation and should feel free to do anything she wants when the lease expires. Our daughter knows that the lack of a renter will put the owner in financial stress and does not want to do that. My thought is that the owner bought the condo before she ever knew Rachel (or anyone else) would rent a portion of it. At the time she purchased the condo she had only 30 days to find a renter; otherwise she would have to make the full payment herself. Now she will have 90 days to find the next renter. Our daughter is leaving the owner in better shape than when the owner originally bought the condo. Sure, the condo market has tanked since then. But that is not my daughter's problem. She is a renter, not an owner. I think that as long as my daughter fulfills her lease obligation, she should feel free to do anything she wants after that expires. What do you think?
Originally Posted By friendofdd If you feel it won't lead to financial difficulties, encourage her to become independent.
Originally Posted By mele I think she should get out now while she can. If I were her, I'd be afaid that the friend would still go ahead with her plans to sell the condo. It's better to be independent and not be at anyone's mercy.
Originally Posted By Jim in Merced CA My advice -- your daughter should leave after the lease is up, and never look back.
Originally Posted By RoadTrip Thanks for the advice. After thinking this over I think it would have been best if my daughter had written a letter to the owner saying something like this: Dear XXX, This is to inform you that according to the 60 day notification requirement of my lease, I will not be renewing the lease that terminates 09/30/2007. I would like to thank you for letting me rent space in your condo, and wish you the best for the future. Thanks, Daughter RoadTrip Hindsight is always so much better than foresight. The discussion should have never become personal. I wish I could have advised my daughter before her talk with the condo owner. Oh well. A Daddy can only do so much
Originally Posted By smedley I agree, she should definitely go for the apartment of her own, who's to say the condo owner won't change her mind again as soon as your daughter commits to stay?
Originally Posted By cstephens I think it's admirable that your daughter wants to help her friend out and doesn't want to "abandon" her, but I don't think she should sacrifice her own happiness and well-being for her friend's short-sightedness. The telltale sign is that none of the niceness happened until your daughter was ready to leave. The friend is trying to appeal to your daughter's good nature and is basically trying to take advantage of her. I expect that when your daughter decides she will be leaving after all, her friend will turn on her. I'd advise her to be cautious and keep an eye out on any kind of retaliation. It's not your daughter's responsibility that her friend bought a condo she couldn't really afford. /cs
Originally Posted By tiggerdis_ Maybe you could point out to your daughter the importance of "buying what you can afford". If this young lady over extended herself financially, it's not your daughter's doing. Perhaps point out that your daughter needs to look out for #1 here, and that the financial problems of her landlord may end up causing her some grief (ie bill collectors bothering them at all hours). As well, if this landlady is planning on getting married in the next bit, why doesn't her fiance move in and help with the bills. Isn't that what marriage is all about??? That's the part I don't get. Anyhow, add me to the list of voting for your daughter to get her own place. I've done both, and was much happier on my own. I knew that everything would be where I left it, and if I forgot my robe in the bedroom, I could walk through my apartment with just a towel and no worries. I could stand at the counter and eat mac and cheese right from the pot, and I didn't have to worry about someone else using my shampoo. Good luck!
Originally Posted By amazedncal2 UGH! My 2 DD's often ended up being manipulated in ways similar to what your daughter is going through. Being the kind and sensitive one and having to stand up to a controlling person is gut wrenching. I really feel for her and for you too RT. I'd imagine your daughter is looking to you and your wife for the strength to get out. I'd just continue to tell her to stay strong and get out now. Any chance you and your daughter can come up with a "white lie" reason that she needs to move? You know like you already paid for your daughters first and last months rent as a surprise for her?
Originally Posted By 999HAUNTS My feeling is that 90 days is more than enough time for the buyer to find a renter...I mean, she found your daughter within 30 days, right? The owner should have been a little nicer to her tenant as far as the living space was concerned. Please give your daughter my congratulations on her new apartment!
Originally Posted By vbdad55 With a 22 yr old DD myself, I encourage her to also become independent.... She is doing all the right things in the right way, and her compassion is a tribute to how she was raised, but she has a life to live also. And the red flag for me is that no concessions were made until she announced she was leaving -
Originally Posted By Tiggirl I think good roommates are few and far between. I've had my share of doosies. I do think its sweet that your daughter is concerned for her roommates situation but being kind shouldn't result in getting walked on. I hope she'll go with her own place without any troubled thoughts and enjoy her new place that she can make her own. ~Beth
Originally Posted By wonderingalice Yep... Go on her own. She won't regret it. Being soft-hearted is very good in many circumstances, but not in cases of real estate. Trust me on this, RT... And ask me about "Goat Boy" someday. ;-)
Originally Posted By teddibubbles We have lived with people. and it's no picknic! if she lives with her. then she gets married. its not her friend that will be homeless. its her. she needs to move!
Originally Posted By avromark Although I tend to buck the trend on this issue, I'll go with the trend. In addition to what was said above I'd like to add that the responsibility of renting her own place is another step towards home ownership. The additional responsibilities she'll learn will help her in the short time it will take her to purchase her first home, then a couple years after that she may be upgrading to her second home with her new found success. Why should she delay this? If she doe's she'll just end up where I am single at 28, and wishing she did things sooner. With her own home she doesn't have to worry about any of those roommate things at least until she marries. She'll enjoy her many trips to furnishing her own home as she goes from say used to Wal-Mart to Ikea to decent furniture. Tell her to climb that independence ladder just like she's climbing the ladder of success at her work (which she enjoys!)
Originally Posted By Autopia Deb When I was your daughter's age I also was too nice for my own good. Looking back now I know that when someone plays the guilt card they only want to use you. Guilt Card = Red Flag Your daughter should give notice and live on her own and be happy with her decision. It's ultimately the best thing for her. Another lesson life has taught me (that I wish I knew 20 + years ago). I am responsible for MY happiness, not anyone elses. The reverse is also true, which is handy to know when dating. Good luck TrippyGirl!
