Originally Posted By markedward Urumqi, China - Today the Mickey Mouse Club announced that it had demoted Pluto. Citing reasons as varied as "He doesn't even wear pants." and "He doesn't talk. How would you feel going to Disneyland and your favorite character can't even talk to you?" the organization voted 3 to 2 to remove Pluto from the roster of Fab Five. The move came as a surprise to many. Three days earlier, the Executive High Council of the Mickey Mouse Club had recommended expanding the Fab Five to the Fab Six or even Fab Seven or Eight. A growing body of research had shown that Daisy Duck, and perhaps Chip and/or Dale might, in fact, be as Fab as Pluto. One Mouseketeer explained his vote against expanding the Fab roster, saying "Daisy? She's just eye candy. Now Uncle Jesse, he's cool. What? Not Daisy Duke. Daisy Duck? Oh. My bad." One major argument against Pluto's status was that he wasn't an independent character, but is, in fact, a dependent of Mickey, and should be considered a lesser character (or Pre-Fab) like Hewey and Dewey. "But Minnie's, at best, co-dependent" said one decenting Mouseketeer. Many Mouseketeers are questioning the legitimacy of the vote. The 2005 general meeting of the Mickey Mouse Club, held in Orlando, Florida, attracted one point seven billion attendees (free lanyards!) while the 2006 meeting was held at a site so remote it was buried under the Taklamakan Desert for five hundred years before being dug out by Chinese archeologists last month. Other demotions may follow. A vote is expected Monday that could result in Snow White and the Five or Six Dwarves. "I have nothing against Doc as a character," said one Mouseketeer, "but until he gets a proper dwarf name that says something about his personality, he is risking his career." Other Mouseketeers are supporting a move to declare that Dopey doesn't measure up to Dwarf standards as he has no beard. Dopey, who is rumored to be in rehab, was unavailable for comment. In other business, the Club voted to order the Lost Boys to stop using the label "Lost" since their location is known to millions who have seen Peter Pan or ridden Peter Pan's Flight. Roy E. Disney and his business partner, Scrooge McDuck, have announced they intend to organize a shareholder protest.
Originally Posted By markedward Anaheim, California - In a rare move, the removal of Pluto from the roster of Fab Five has brought protests from none other than Disney founder Walt Disney. Said the world's beloved Uncle Walt, "As long as there's imagination left in the world, this Missouri farm boy's gonna kick some hind quarters if you go and mess with Mickey's dog. If this can happen, where will it stop? How long before people come to Anaheim and find cheap off-the-shelf carnival rides? What? Where? Bumper cars? Really slow bumper cars? That's it! Thaw me out! Thaw me out, now! More blow dryers!"
Originally Posted By markedward Oh, for an edit function. Almost as soon as I posted it, I felt post 2 was too anti-DCA. So, replace post 2 with: Anaheim, California - In a rare move, the removal of Pluto from the roster of Fab Five has brought protests from none other than Disney founder Walt Disney. Said the world's beloved Uncle Walt, "As long as there's imagination left in the world, this Missouri farm boy's gonna kick some hind quarters if you go and mess with Mickey's dog. I put up with The Apple Dumpling Gang. I put up with Tron. I put up with Tuck and Roll's Drive'Em Buggies. I even put up with Snow White's Magical Hanukkah. But this has gone too far! Thaw me out! Thaw me out, now! More blow dryers!"
