cyber bullying - a growing trend

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by See Post, Jul 7, 2007.

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    See Post New Member

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    Originally Posted By tokay

    Are your kids being cyber bullied, or are they cyber bullies?

    Cyber Bullying is when a child, preteen or teen is tormented, threatened, harassed, humiliated, embarrassed or otherwise targeted by another young person using the Internet, interactive and digital technologies or mobile phones. Despite the fact that cyber bullying has become more and more popular, some people still do not know what it is and how serious it can be. There have been many cases of cyber bullying that have resulted in suicide.

    A TV pilot has been filmed to inform people, especially preteens and teenagers, about cyber bullying and its consequences. It is called Adina's Deck. Information can be found at adinasdeck.com as well as trailers and blogs.
     
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    Originally Posted By twirlnhurl

    "Cyber bullying" is no different from regular bullying, except that it is easier to ignore if you are the victim. I don't see why that would be a big problem.
     
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    Originally Posted By twirlnhurl

    Sorry about the double post, but I forgot to add: The only real kind of bullying I have a problem with is physical abuse. The rest is just words, and words (no matter what some people say) can NEVER physically hurt you (Unless they are so loud it causes hearing problems). Verbal bullying is often useful for the victim, because it quickly gives them a good idea of who is an idiot not worth being around. It is a case of knowing ones enemy, and using that information to go about one's life.
     
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    Originally Posted By mele

    I disagree. Mental abuse can cause scars that never heal, they change can damage and change a person forever. Depression and fear can hurt a person way more than a bruise or a cut.
     
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    Originally Posted By mele

    Oops, should read "They can damage and change a person forever."
     
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    Originally Posted By Goofyernmost

    I have an idea...turn off the computer and the phone and voila (French for "if I can't see you, you can't hurt me") the problem is over.

    Humans are strangely unable to remember what they did a couple of years ago. When there were no computers and portable phones that didn't either require a wheelbarrow to cart around or a wing tip shoe (Maxwell Smart). We have forgotten that we can continue on without any of that electronic gear.

    How did we survive without a phone permanently attached to our ears? I don't even know enough people to spend all that time on the phone? How much time could I devote to worthwhile things instead of sitting at this computer and spouting useless knowledge or lack thereof?

    Sometimes the solutions are so simple we can't see them. Turn it off and join the world of real people. Then at least your enemy has to look into your eyes and not hide behind an electronic screen.

    I know this isn't going to happen but when you think about it, it is pretty simple!
     
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    Originally Posted By trekkeruss

    <<I disagree. Mental abuse can cause scars that never heal, they change can damage and change a person forever. Depression and fear can hurt a person way more than a bruise or a cut.>>

    I disagree as well. It is far too easy to document cases where people have commited suicide because they have been mentally abused. To say it doesn't or shouldn't exist because "they are just words" is ignorant of reality.

    <<I have an idea...turn off the computer and the phone and voila (French for "if I can't see you, you can't hurt me") the problem is over.>>

    We could get rid of alcohol related automibile deaths by getting rid of cars and alcohol too. It's not going to happen either.
     
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    Originally Posted By Goofyernmost

    Although I see the point to your comparison, alcohol and autos have been around a lot longer than computers. It has been this past generation that have zeroed in on high tech gizmo's to the point where they cannot function without them. In a few more years it will be as impossible adjust to not having them.

    I use them but I can also go for long periods of time without them. For example, I only use cell phones for work and carry one with me for an emergency most of the time but it is shut off. I do not want to be available 24/7, I want some down time. Partially it is because I hate talking on the telephone and partly because I just don't always want to be found.
     
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    Originally Posted By Mrs ElderP

    I've worked in schools, and I've seen the after affects of "cyber-bulling" as well as regular bulling. In my observations when the victim has their own secure group then the bullying, either kind, hurts, but can be survived.

    Cyber-bulling can be much more vicious then any other regular bullying. Because the tormentors don't have to look the tormented in the face, attacks get very very personal very very quickly. Kids also seem more willing to jump on the band wagon.
     
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    Originally Posted By Liberty Belle

    I agree with Mele and Russ -- mental abuse is just as dangerous as physical abuse. I know plenty of people whose husbands have never hit them, but they've been mentally abused to the point where they're a shadow of their former selves - not that it's just husbands who mentally abuse people, but that's the situation I've seen with a few people, including some who are very close to me. Twirlnhurl is obviously lucky enough not to have experienced this, but that doesn't mean it's not real. And I agree with Mrs Eld, because the bullies don't have to see their victims they might feel comfortable saying hurtful things that they wouldn't say to their face.
     
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    Originally Posted By tokay

    When cyber bullied, pre-teens and teens tend to think that the whole world, or at least their entire peer community, had just seen the mean comments posted electronically. They don't usually rationalize the abuse like adults would.
     
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    Originally Posted By twirlnhurl

    "To say it doesn't or shouldn't exist because "they are just words" is ignorant of reality. "

    I know it exists, but I don't think it should. Kids are told from an early age that they are the most important person in the world. Bullies say that isn't true. Kids should be able to realize that the real idiot is the bully. Words are just words, it is the person hearing them who gives them meaning.

    The way to stop the effectiveness of bullying is not to stop the bullys (there are too many), the way to stop the problem is to talk to kids at a young age about how not everyone in the world is nice.
     
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    Originally Posted By BeautysBeast

    Or parents should better monitor their kids online habits effectively
     
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    Originally Posted By Inspector 57

    <<Kids are told from an early age that they are the most important person in the world. Bullies say that isn't true.>>

    No.

    Bullies say:

    "You're a fat pig. You're disgusting. Everyone at school is grossed out by you. You need to transfer because you're making us sick."

    "I know you're a faggot. I'm going to tell the school. It'll be written on your locker sometime soon. I bet you'll like that, pervert."

    "You and your little Jew friends are going to die."

    "You're such a whore you'd probably make the cheerleading squad if you weren't so ugly."

    Those are not things that are shrugged off.


    twirlnhurl, you are obviously:

    a) way too old to remember your own adolescence
    b) ignorant of human developmental stages
    c) a person who has had a charmed life
    d) all of the above
     
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    Originally Posted By Mrs ElderP

    And if you've ever even FELT like you are the subject of office gosip you know that bullies don't magically go away when you turn 18. In my experiance ignoring bullies rarely makes them go away very far for very long. You either have to fight back or have your own secure group. As adults hopefully we do have a secure group of friends around us, and hearing affermations from them makes the snide remarks of others arround us easier to bear.

    Too many picked on kids, however, lack peers willing to buck the trend, and stick up for them no matter what. I'm not saying that shooting up a school is an appropiate reaction to being teased, but it is real. Kids can be EXTREAMLY vicious, and persistant!
     
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    Originally Posted By Inspector 57

    Thank you for this thead, tokay.

    It's taken schools forEVER to do something about "in person" bullying. The response of the administrators we trust our kids to has historically been, "If they're being bullied they need to buck up -- and besides they're not being bullied anyhow because we are really busy." Finally, anti-bullying rules are being written. I cynically fear that that has more to do with school administrator's fears of legal liability than with any sudden epiphanies about the effect bullying has on fragile kids' egos or their predisposition to help. And I wonder how many of the barriers to reporting the administrations have really removed. Still, it's a start, I guess.

    Let's hope they'll take the cyber-bullying phenomenon seriously.


    Kids KILL themselves because they're bullied.

    It boggles my mind that school administrators pay more attention to pep rallies than they do to bullying.
     
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    Originally Posted By tokay

    Hey Inspector 57,
    You are obviously in tune with this topic. I really appreciate your comments. My family has seen it at our own school. It is actually more common among girls - they can be very mean, and the female recipient can become extremely hurt, as apposed to boys who tend to just shrug it off, or "take it outside."

    Check out the Adina's Deck web site (adinasdeck.com). It was developed by a masters student at Stanford University. There are trailers that give a preview of what the TV show will tackle. Hopefully educators will use the show as a tool to address this phenomenon with their students. Also, parents can learn about it, and that it is probably happening at their kids' school. Being prepared and seeing the signs of cyber bullying is key.

    Peace.
     
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    Originally Posted By tokay

    "Or parents should better monitor their kids online habits effectively"

    I agree.
    But eventually your kid will get a cell phone, and cyberbulling can happen in text messaging.
    Also, the victims of cyber bullying my not even have free reign on line. They may not have myspace access, and their internet activity may be well monitored by their parents. The kids who do have access can do the bullying, print it out, bring it to school and make the victim feel just as terrible, even if she had not even seen it on line.
     
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    Originally Posted By Autopia Deb

    >>>The rest is just words, and words (no matter what some people say) can NEVER physically hurt you<<<
    Spoken like a person who's never been teased or suffered verbal abuse.
     
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    Originally Posted By Liberty Belle

    >>Kids should be able to realize that the real idiot is the bully. Words are just words, it is the person hearing them who gives them meaning.<<

    It's pretty hard not to give words meaning when you're 6 years old and facing those words from 90% of the class, every day. I was teased from preschool through to grade 5, and it wasn't pretty. I was teased for being "fat", and at least 3 of the girls teasing me were bigger than I was - they picked on me because the other girls were more confident and WOULD be more likely to laugh it off. Bullies deliberately go after the people who are more vulnerable and more likely to get hurt by it, so the argument of "oh, just don't listen to them" doesn't really apply.
     

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