Originally Posted By ajnhollysmommy We are thinking of opening our home to our 15 yr old nephew. He and his mom are not getting along. In his defence she does not know how to communicate in any way but shouting. They tryed councleing but the councler took my nephews view (as most of us have) she quit that route. For the last few months he has lived at his friends house in Portland. His dad is a deadbeat here in Spokane and is staying with him right now but I am afraid that if he stays there he will just drop out of school as his dad does not think school is important at all and always tells him to just get his GED Just wondering if this would be crazy or not to have him here
Originally Posted By CrouchingTigger Understand that, upon taking in the child, you'll also be inhereting his parents. You won't be able to avoid them.
Originally Posted By wahooskipper My wife and I moved in with my mother when we first moved to Florida while we looked for a house. It took 3 months...but it only felt like 3 decades. On that note....best of luck to ya!
Originally Posted By alexbook From my limited experience with this sort of situation, I'll echo CrouchingTigger. It's a very generous thing that you're considering, and it shows that you and your family are really good-hearted people, but please be careful. As a practical matter, you may want to seek legal advice on whether to get yourselves declared your nephew's legal guardians, or whether he should petition a court to be declared an emancipated minor. This could help simplify the legal and financial situation down the road.
Originally Posted By RoadTrip Realize that your nephew's mother will see you taking him in as siding with him. Be prepared for flak coming your way because of it. We have had my mother live with us on three different occasions for periods lasting from 6 months to a year. After that I think my (and especially my wife's) place in heaven is guaranteed.
Originally Posted By Lisann22 Bless the souls who decide to do this. I spent my childhood giving up my room, having it returned, and giving it back up again over and over as countless relatives moved in and out of my responsible, caring, and too easy parents home.
Originally Posted By HRM There was a time when generations of family and extended family living together was considered the norm and expected; now-a-days, for good and bad reasons, we don't open our hearts and homes to our family... hmmmm...
Originally Posted By Lisann22 I live in that situation right now. I own a home with my mom and aunt. We take care and provide a home for my 85 year old grandma. It can work but it takes a lot of communication.
Originally Posted By Ursula I would think that the care and showing of concern for the nephew would automatically supercede the need to side with or otherwise handle the mother no matter how uncomfortable it might become after a while. If you can provide a proper home knowing all the extras it will bring (good and bad) and make a better life for your nephew without damaging your own spouse and children, I say go for it. Who knows? In years to come, you nephew may be eternally glad that you came along and stepped in and showed him how to become a proper human.
Originally Posted By ajnhollysmommy My nephew is a twin. He and his sister and there mom (hubbys sister) lived with us once before we had kids. The kids were 7. nephew and mom get along GREAT when they are not together. Just living with each other they just cant do. He is a great kid, loves to play with Andrew and Holly (does refuses diaper duty LOL) Is not the best student but was always just told what to do and never shown how to do study. During football season he runs a 3.0 avg after it falls to a 2.5 or so As far as his parents involvement, sis in law is always there for him. We get along great, she too wants nephew to stay with us and would pitch in money We do not want to go for legal custody, but what is called kinship gaurdianship, just a mutual agreement written and noterized. He would also beable to get on State assisted health insurance this way. Right now he does not have insurance at all through either parent. His dad is easy to get along with- but drinks way too much.and I dont want nephew around that enviroment.
Originally Posted By Tiggirl I was the "mover-in" into my Aunt and Uncle's house when the actions of a thoughtless roommate left me waaay strapped for cash. It was either move in with them or move back to Seattle. I'm not one to ask for help (or accept it. I don't know why but it's very hard for me)so seeking out their assistance in this way was really difficult for me. But they were kind enough to help me out. I was there for about 6 months. It was hard because I was just using a room that also doubled as a play room for the kids but I was very greatful. I think my Aunt imagined the I would be home alot more than I was and was disapointed that she didn't see more of me. I, on the other hand, did not want to be in the way or to get in their hair so I tried to stay out of the house as much as possible. Of course this is different from your situation as I was 24 at the time. It was difficult for me to suddenly have "parents" again. LOL! But I am so greatful to them for helping me out when I really needed it. Its because of that, that I am happily living in Southern California with Mark now and not back in Seattle. ~Beth
Originally Posted By nevadarebel My neice lived with us when she was 16 (parents kicked her out when they found out she was pregnant) and lived with us until just before the baby was born. We set the rules of the house down right away and did not stray from them. She was expected to pull her weight and still attend school. She had to do chores, homework and go to parenting classes. She is now 25 and a great mom. She finished high school and is now working on college. It is not an easy undertaking by any means. It was tough because she was hormonal due to the baby but I am glad we set the rules down immediately so there were no surprises, she knew what the boundries were. Best of luck to you and God Bless you for taking this task on.
Originally Posted By HRM >>Who knows? In years to come, you nephew may be eternally glad that you came along and stepped in and showed him how to become a proper human.<< And then, things might go in the other direction. One never knows... However, to open up your home is a wonderful thing; and to judge by some of the posts above, can also be successful if communication is established and followed thru. No matter, if you have the resources and the will -- by all means, take your nephew into your home. Your reward will be in the act itself. :0)
