Originally Posted By DVC_dad Anyone have any experience or know of others who have had experience with adoption from Ukraine, and surrounding areas, to US ? I'm just gathering information, trying to find REAL information. Are we thinking about it? Yes, at this point just thinking. Please, any thoughts, stories, facts, information are appreciated.
Originally Posted By DVC_dad Dave, bloona, Pete, and you other folks over the pond, I would especially be interested in what you thihk of this, as a father, as a mother, and being a lot closer to "things" there than I am here.
Originally Posted By jonvn We considered this. It's very problematic. The issue is that these people will take your money and tell you that you have a lovely healthy child, but won't let you see the kid until the last minute. And then you find out it has a raft of health problems, most common is fetal alcohol syndrome, which is very bad in this area. I really wanted to do this, but... Maybe you should try adopting a kid from mexico. They're probably cheaper, anyway, what with nafta.
Originally Posted By jonvn There are books out about this, and there are several major pitfalls you really need to avoid. That said, many people do this totally successfully, too. But you have to be very very very very careful.
Originally Posted By davewasbaloo Chris, Eastern European adoption does have significant challenges, and I am happy to talk. drop me a line, and I will see if I can help.
Originally Posted By Lisann22 Why go overseas? I have considered adoption over the years myself. I've researched it considerably. Still haven't completely ruled it out. Are there not county social services offering adoptions in your area? They are not all that expensive compared to overseas adoptions. Plus, we have so many kids here.
Originally Posted By disney pete hey dvc great to hear from you man hope you and the clan are good,my girlfriend is from Latvia and she said pretty much what jonvn was saying about the problems,as Dave says you should converse with him he is very knowledgable hope someone can point ya in the right direction.
Originally Posted By DVC_dad Dave, I'll be emailing you later tonight. Lisann, there are many children that need to have homes in the US. However, I have a very close friend who's adopted daughter was taken from her (this happened here in GA) after having the baby as her's until 20 months. The situation was complex legally, however, in the end I am told it was simply a matter of the biological mother deciding after 20 months,that she wanted the baby back. That would destroy my faith in many things, so I won't even go there. I feel that I have SOME right to be a tiny bit "bone-headed" about this, as I myself was adopted at the ripe old age of 2 DAYS old. I'm getting that feeling that it's time to pay it forward, you know, the difference afforded me through adoption and all that. I have since found my biological mother, classic case of Catholic mom, unwed, moved away to have child and all that sort of thing. I've ruled out adopting in the US, and not just due to the legal risks involving custody. The more I read about US adoption, the more I find that mom's here seem to give up their baby for adoption, ..... but not really, if you get my meaning. "I want to see her on her first birthday, come to her wedding, meet her someday on my terms...." and stuff like that. I'm too conservative to adopt the baby AND the MOM. Again, I say all of this wearing the badge of having been adopted myself. I "GET IT" when it comes to helping our own in the USA before going over seas, but I think they are all God's children equally afterall. How can one be more deserving than another? There is NO WAY we would get a child under about 17 here anyway with all the kids we already have, and THAT is the real bottom line reason against US adoption for us. SO, I know I know I know, I barely have time and resources to care for the kids I have now...WHY would I want to adopt MORE? Well if it takes you know, two or three years, It will be about time for a new addition. I think an older child would be great too, you know, 5 or 6 ish? I dunno, it's just been "laid on my heart heavily" recently that this is something I want and need to do. I HOPE that my reasons are the right ones.
Originally Posted By BeautysBeast DVD ..sounds like u collect kids like many here collect disney gear...
Originally Posted By Lisann22 Not passing judgment DVD, just asking what made you want to go overseas when there's just as many kids here with needs. Thank you, I appreciate the explanation.
Originally Posted By -em Ive been interested in this as well but still am on the fence if its the route I want to go... I for most of the same reasons am not looking at domestic adoption (as we've done the oh its yours.. nevermind thing one to many times) >>It will be about time for a new addition. I think an older child would be great too, you know, 5 or 6 ish?<< The thought to have is about potentially changing the birthorder in your house. Im not sure how it would fair in a larger family but I know when I looked into adoption several years ago it was recommended by many people to keep the natural order in the house (ie a kid that used to being the oldest isnt suddenly 2nd oldest etc)as it tended to create more issues than normal. -em
Originally Posted By Lisann22 We have several adoptioned kids in our family. All through the County here in the Bay Area. Not once has the natural mother or any other person from the child's past come knocking. Two were infants, two were 3 to 5 years of age and three I believe were foster kids which lead to adoption (ages 5, 7 and 11). So I'm not sure what the procedures are to stop this kind of thing from happening but it has not been my families experience.
Originally Posted By Lisann22 adoptioned - adopted. LOL Sorry typing and watching basketball. Yes, -em I've read the samething and was told that while going to classes on adoption.
Originally Posted By ajnhollysmommy I have a friend who adopted 3 children from the Ukraine. They are all siblings. When they were adopted they were 5,3,18 months. The oldest has alot of problems. She is now 14 and has been in and out of the hospital due to her mental state. The other 2 also have some delays and health issues. I do know that at the time it cost them $14,000 for each adoption. Not including the travel. My friends were required to spend so much time with the children in a controlled orphanage inviroment. We have hear what is called Wednesday Child. Once a week (guess what day it is on) the news highlights a childs life. These children are older and are already legally free. They are living in foster homes alreay. My son is adopted. We do have an "open" adoption. His birthmom has not seen him since he was born (he will be 8 in May) BUT he has played with his grandparents and siblings. Birthmom has 2 other children. We also are very open with him and it really has helped. As for adopted or biological. I have both- I do not see the difference. Our adoption costs were $4000.00 we recieved almost the whole amount back in our taxes. Plus DH work had an adoption assistance program.
Originally Posted By -em >>So I'm not sure what the procedures are to stop this kind of thing from happening but it has not been my families experience.<< I know more positive experiances with domestic adoption (both open and closed) than not and I know its right for many many people but the odds just are not good enough for some. Some states are really good with adoptions, others have enough loopholes that make it really difficult.. I think the most important factor is research. Sadly adoption to a large extent is a calculated risk -em
Originally Posted By u k fan If I ever have a child (and I ain't planning on it) I'd much rather adopt than have my own. I'd also look closer to home first and would definitely prefer older. I know there are greater risks with older kids, but who said being a parent was easy?!!!
Originally Posted By Ursula I don't know if this helps, but at least I'm adding to the conversation for food for thought. A dear colleague of mine went through two private adoptions. Well, three. The one in the middle she paid $12,000 for lawyer fees, medical fees, etc. The birth mom changed her mind after birth and my friend didn't get a penny back. For her third adoption, I was so concerned for her. She was on the hook for everything. This time was the $12k, plus she flew the birth mom out to CA for the birth and for after-care. This includes hotel and plane costs...ALSO for the birth mom's other kid who she brought with her. The 3rd birth mom was so certain she was going to sign her baby away. But we were all on pins and needles until she was on the plane going back home and the papers were signed. So after all was said and done, and after I called my friend crazy to go through that again. I asked her why. She said that her drive to parent and have children far outweigh the pain of getting attached to a child that may not stay. Plus, she has two wonderful children now, so who am I to question it?
Originally Posted By Mrs ElderP We were barely begining to look into adoption when we found out I was pregnant. We still plan on adopting sometime in the future. (We can only add so many kids to our budget at a time!) For our very early, very preliminary research we found that healthy, non-black infants are in demand, and none of them linger in "the system". However, whatever it says about our culture, some black infants do go un-adopeted as new borns, for no other reason then that they are black. Also, somewhat understandably, babies with Medical issues linger with the state. Other hard to adopt children are older children (older being not a baby or a todler) and especially sets of siblings. That is what we found here in California anyway. Best wishes to you, and we will join you in some version of this quest somewhere in the future.
Originally Posted By markymouse Hats off to you, DVC, for considering giving an adopted child the gift of your love and experience. I just erased a paragraphing arguing in favor of domestic adoption of an older child from foster care. But I erased it. Everyone has reasons for making the choices they make, and we don't need strangers second guessing them. Whatever you decide to do, and then manage to do, bless you.
