Originally Posted By Lisann22 Most of you know that I'm part Native American. Paying respect to our Elders is a very important tradition for our people. Be it making sure they are always served first at any meal to having the best and most comfortable seat or listening to their stories. I'm also curious if you have family traditions regarding age and interaction. Example, we've never had adult tables and kid tables at holiday dinners and such. We all mingle and eat together. I'll never forget the first time I went to a friends house as a teenager and was told I was to sit at the teenager table. I thought that was really odd. In my family I could end up sitting next to a 80 year old great aunt and a 5 year old second cousin. I've also been to friends homes where their parents are the same age as mine but everyone acts like they are WAY older and no one mingles. I'm so not used to that. At your house, kids are talking to elders, teens to seniors, everyone cross-communicates. LOL! However, no matter what a certain level of respect is always granted to our elders. I seen something today on LP that sparked my interest on how it works in your families and communities. Do you have certain traditions or ways with your family on how people are treated and interact generation to generation?
Originally Posted By Lisann22 Kind of like how I make sure to always post "Ugh" in friendofdd's threads. ;>
Originally Posted By Big Thunder it's NOT a tradition here in *my* home, but when I was dating Mrs Thunder I noticed that her grandmother "Crusita", and the other women served the men in the family first. I initially thought that it was a lack of space at the table [she had 7 brothers] but then I noticed it at extended family functions too. So eventually I asked Mrs Thunder about it and she explained as if it was just common practice. Apparently it worked like this... they served the elder men first, then the younger men, then the guest ladies, then young children, and then finally the women who slaved over the hot stove would eat after everyone else had been fed. I found that odd. It was odd, but I must admit, I also enjoyed being the guest of a big Mexican family, I was treated with much respect and hospitality. I was always offered the best cuts, the special treats, etc. I was also impressed how the families came together it just seemed like "family" so warm, loving and festive.
Originally Posted By Pixie Glitter Interesting question. I don't recall it being part of my upbringing, but I definitely believe, quite strongly, that our elders deserve our respect and attention. (I think it's more just a personal belief of mine--I don't remember ever being taught that). And over and over again, I have found that I nearly always learn something or at the very least am interested and entertained when I take the time to listen to older people's views, experiences, and stories. There is so much to be learned from others' experience and also from the perspective of someone who has lived far longer than I have. I think that in most cases, age should command respect. The exceptions would be people who are truly rude or hurtful in their speech and/or actions. But in general, yes, our elders deserve our respect.
Originally Posted By FerretAfros I agree with Pixie Glitter, since I don't remember ever being told about having to respect elders, but I just think it should be done. When I was little, I always sat at the kids' table, but I think that was more of just having enough space, not putting the kids where nobody will hear them. It was only on occasions where there were more people than could fit at the table, and the kids would rather be together anyway. That way, we could have the plastic plates instead of the really fancy stuff, and it would be more fun for us and our parents wouldn't have to freak out about what we were doing the whole time.
Originally Posted By Pixie Glitter Oh, and to answer the family tradition part of the question, in our family, there is no separation of adults and kids at meals, holiday gatherings, etc. Elders are definitely treated with extra respect. For example, when we take our three-generation trips to Disneyland (my mom included), Grandma is catered to far more than the kids are. We try to defer to her choices and preferences as much as possible, partially out of respect to her age and partially because she doesn't go as frequently as the rest of us do.
Originally Posted By CrouchingTigger >>When I was little, I always sat at the kids' table, but I think that was more of just having enough space, not putting the kids where nobody will hear them<< That's pretty much how I remember it. The "kid's table" wasn't really so much about segregating the generations as it was just not having a room with a table big enough for 40 people. So, fine, kids can talk with the kids about kid things at one table, and adults can talk with adults at the other table.
Originally Posted By quincytoo >>>>When I was little, I always sat at the kids' table, but I think that was more of just having enough space, not putting the kids where nobody will hear them<< That's pretty much how I remember it.<<< Me too......Besides we always had better conversations at the Kids table. We were bought up to love and respect our elders...to this day I will call an gentleman older then myself, "Sir".as in "Thank you sir" if he holds a door open etc, etc...."excuse me sir", if he forgets his wallet at the store check out...Etc, etc, Calling a gentleman, "sir", for me is a sign of respect. <--- was very very close to her paternal grandparents and to this day when I see elder people walking down the street, will smile and say, "Hello", or help out by holding a door open or such. I am lucky that Victoria has so many elderly people , so many have had such interesting lives and are such an inspiration. Good thread
Originally Posted By davewasbaloo I come from an Italian American and Native American background (I like to forget the Irish and Welsh roots) so I better respect my elders. Lisann, as a result, I grew up like you, mixing with all generations. I think my inlaws think I'm wierd because I talk to kids and elders as equals, but always respect the elders. i get really mad commuting on public transport as I see young men try to grab my seat when I offer it to an elder, pregnant lady, or someone with small kids. there seems to be an erosion of respect now.
Originally Posted By u k fan We tend to use a kids table only if needed for space reasons, but often my dad (64) offers to sit at the kids table as well so generally we end up with all ages at the "kids table" too. As far as anything else goes it's rare for kids and adults to be seperated at parties and if they are it's only because the kids want to go and play. We tend to have parties that feature games etc. so it's just one big melting pot! I consider my Dad and my 9 year old nephew to be 2 of my best friends, not just relatives, but actual friends. I always respect my elders and will always give up my seat if I can!!!
Originally Posted By MomofPrincess We always intermingled, too. Kids were a big focus in my family and never got treated with any less respect because of age (if that makes sense). We always got included in conversations, were asked questions, etc. It was nice. In fact, it makes me sad nowadays to see kids at restaurants who are totally ignored by the adults; just wasn't how it was done in my family. Kids were always included/paid attention to. On the same token, kids also knew they weren't in charge ;-) and treated adults with the UTMOST respect. It was kind of different in my husband's family. He said that adults were always expected to help themselves to the food first (like at a big family gathering), and the kids got whatever was left over. Ummmmmmmmmm, ok. His family is very adult/career/goal focused, whereas mine is very kid/social/fun focused. We tend to view kids' place in the home differently, as a result.
Originally Posted By friendofdd >>>Kind of like how I make sure to always post "Ugh" in friendofdd's threads. ;> <<< I always love it when Lisann speaks to me in her native languaage.
Originally Posted By friendofdd In my family, there were seldom "elders" around. As with many Americans, the family was involved in immigration to a better place in the country. So, as I grew up, we tended to be just two generations, the parents and us kids. In my adulthood it was similar. Due to job demands it was us and our kids and, sometimes, a sibling or two and their kids. But still just two generations. I hope we succeeded in teaching respect to elders to our children, but they couldn't practice on my parents generation due to distance. I love large family gatherings, expecially now that I am an elder, but they are the exception rather than the rule because of the geographical scattering of the clan.
Originally Posted By nevadarebel Family is a huge thing for both my husband and I so when we got married, it was wonderful that our families blended and could get along for holidays and such. We tried a couple of years ago to have a kids table (for space reasons) but it seemed that the adults were fighting over who was sitting with them so we changed configurations of things and everyone sits together. I have always been taught to respect and learn from your elders. I love family history so any time I get with older members of the family, I always have my notepad available to record their stories (and now actually record them for my kids) because once they are gone, you cannot ever get that information any more. We have taught our children to always respect elders and my boys to respect women. I think if we looked and listened more to older people, we could all learn a lot to help us every day.
Originally Posted By momof4boys If we have too many people for one table we divide into a child's table and grown up table. Even when we are at one table, the kids like to sit all together. They have their own conversations. There are 8 boy cousins within 7 years and they love to hang out together. The conversations they have together are priceless. But after meals is a different matter. Everybody is all together laughing, playing, talking. The kids love to hear stories of when the "elders" were younger, when they were babies, etc. The kids know if a grownup walks inthe room and there isn't a seat left and they are in a seat, you automatically move to the floor. Sometimes we play big group games, sometimes some will go off and play games on their own, but they are mixed generation. The kids love nothing better than to play games with the grown ups.
Originally Posted By Kala Our family traditions are pretty much the same as yours lisann. My mixed heritage, Hawaiian, Spanish, filipino, Portuguese, Chinese dictates, respect of elders, each other, the golden rule, family is first. When someone in the family does good it reflects on the family as a whole, when someone does bad, same thing. We confront a situation head on, work it out so there are no bad feelings, food is the binder. I call my sibling every day the long distance ones 1 a week. I can't imagine being so mad at someone in my family that I couldn't talk to them. There are a lot of us, we are loud, we can follow several conversations at one time, and we laugh a lot! My DH's family way different story. When I first met his brother, DH didn't have nice things to say about him and I'd get on his case saying "He's your only sibling you should really be the better person and get along. 8 yrs. later, I know why. I don't encourage it anymore. There are only 4 grandchildren, only DH and I are in constant contact with his grandparents. They use to live 1 hr from us, we moved them 5 min. from us. His mother only has 1 brother, when her parents needed her most she moved to AZ, her brother is in Maryland. She said she didn't want to have to care for them. I was appalled! We've taken them on trips, we take them on weekend rides, go with them to their Dr. appt. I've learned so much about DH's family and the history his grandparents have is amazing! They've been married 63 yrs. His Grandmother got her bachelors degree in Nursing from Gonzaga U and a Masters in Nursing from Univ. of WA. DH never knew this. When I asked Grandma why she said his mother hated when she talked about her education, she thought grandma was bragging. How crummy is that?? I make a point to tell anyone who will listen. Right now DH and I are planning Grandpa's 90th bday party. His kids wanted to just go out to dinner, I told them no go, hello he is turning farfenugen NINETY! So we have planned a big party. Grandpa is really excited. I'm very thankful DH takes after his Dad. Oh since I'm on the subject. When we first got married we had Christmas breakfast with his family, no one talked at the table, so me being me tried to make conversation. They looked at me like I was from outer space! Gotta love 'em though, even if it is from a distance. DH's mother thinks we are too noisy, and all those converstions going on at once gives her a headache. Oh well ya can't win 'em all!
Originally Posted By DVC_dad Growing up, I sat at the kids' table. My dad, sat at the "MEN'S" table, and my mom and her sisters sort of sat whereever, after everyone had food. My grandmother (quite the matriarch of the family) sat among the men for some reason. It wasn't until I was out of college that I was welcomed to the MEN's table, and once I got there I quickly understood why. It seems that the men used our family gatherings to discuss things like, business, town politics, money, gossip, and other stuff that women sort of seemed to have no place pondering...except for my grandmother. She sort of sat among the men, and would give "looks" of either approval or disdain. She would sort of represent the women of the town at large and have input that way. I think, looking back, that she sat there out of repsect, but it was something even more than that though I can't really put my finger on it still to this day. At MY house, when we have gatherings here, we split into adult and kid tables. It is really more of a logistics thing with us, I mean half the grandkids are MY KIDS, and they WANT to sit with their cousins. It isn't about respect for elders or getting exposure to those older and wiser, it is simply WHAT WORKS for our family and I love it and am very happy with it. I enjoy getting to eat ONE meal a month among adults, so of course I let grandma serve my kids, while I eat with the adults. Afterall, I COOK everything so I am the last one to sit down anyway. As for our immediate family, we have two adults, and six kids, so we all sit at one table. We take turns telling something that happened to us that day and what if anything did we learn from it. We also have family movie night, and family game night each week of the summer, but during the school year we have one or the other on Friday night.
Originally Posted By Kala <<LOL Kala - I think we are related!!! I can so relate!!!>> Everytime I read your posts I'm always smiling and nodding in agreement. Maybe we were seperated at birth or something....Girl the stories we could share! Maybe one day over Tamales!
