Originally Posted By X-san Friend of DD made an excellent point over in the world events section, one that I thought was worth it's *own* discussion though I hope it's not too controversial a subject that I should've thrown it in WorldEvents after all lol. He said ***One might as well ask why is it that most percussionists are men. Are women unable to do as well as men in that musical arena?*** And that just got me to thinking. If your daughter was interested in playing the tuba, what would your reaction be? How about your son who was interested in the flute? It's such an interesting stereotype, the musical instruments thing. In fact when I was a percussion major at college, there was a guy in the program (fairly decent percussionist, not great though) who told me he really, ONLY always wanted to play the flute. But he never did, because he was too afraid of getting his butt kicked at school, so he took up the drums instead lol. Anyway, thoughts?
Originally Posted By davewasbaloo I am happy for my kids to play any instrument they want. Having family members that play several instruments, gender bias never comes in for me. However, I have always had a thing for female cellists.
Originally Posted By DVC_dad I apologize in advance X-san for hijacking this thread. But after having my say I will give it back. In our house, we have 7 children. We have one income. We have one parent that works, and one parent that stays home. So what? It's like this in many households across America. Of course as we look at my family, let's keep in mind the economy of scope and scale of 7 kids, the oldest only 13, so most of them young, 2 of them in diapers. The “mom†has quite a bit of responsibility. Let's break it down: Meals 7 kids x 3 meals = 21 meals a day 2 hours preparing and serving. Laundry 7 kids x clothes = a washer and dryer that never stop, folding and putting away clothes all day. 2 hours spent on clothes. Driving 7 kids x 2 different private schools, figuring pre-k gets picked up a lunch time and back to get the full day kids, 3.5 hours spent driving. Cleaning 7 kids, 6 bathrooms and bedrooms, as well as the living areas of the home, 2 hours per day minimum. Leisure and downtime None Kid Management 7 kids x kissing boo boo's, holding loving, breaking up arguments, correcting behavior / time out, etc... 1 hour Bath, brushing teeth, dressing kids etc... 2 hours Typing messages on LP 1 hour broken up into 5 min sets These events are not even ON the short list above: Sports or other activities after hours... Visits to the doctor... Unexpected visits from in-laws... Calling the plumber to fix the garbage disposal... Waiting and wondering where the cable guy is... Dealing with the toilet that is overflowing... A washing machine breaks, now what? Answering the phone, dealing with friends that just don't understand why "she" can't come over and lay out by the pool, "Relax, take some you time!" ... The fun part is, when the "man of the house" finally is heard shouting "Honey, I'm home!" his day is over, while "her" day is still going strong. After all he needs a break, to unwind, to put up his feet while dinner is prepared. "The home maker's" day is only half over. And what if one or more get sick? Who is up during the night washing sheets and cleaning the crying child? It never ends.....ever, ever, ever for "her." It is 24/7/365+ This is but a tiny tiny drop in the bucket, and only for a perfect day. There is never a "perfect" day. What is my point? My point is, I AM THE STAY HOME PARENT. MY WIFE WORKS, and people just don’t get it. My friends, "the guys" all think that I sit around all day on the sofa watching TV. "Wow you've got it made dude!" or "Man, I’d trade with you in a flash!" or my favorite "Admit it, it really IS easy to stay home with kids, than to go to work isn't it?" The real truth is that there are VERY FEW MEN that could do what I do. Honestly, I couldn’t do it at first, I wasn’t naturally prepared. I had to really learn many things that I believe come natural to most women. I have changed more diapers than most combined parent teams will change in 3 lifetimes. I have kissed more scraped knees, and cleaned up more vomit... I have washed, folded, and put away more clothes, not to mention all the other "stuff" that you really can't even put a quantity on. So what? Yay me? That’s not what I mean here. On the other hand, I have seen the first step that each child has taken. I have heard the first words that each child has spoken (DaaDaa of course ;p ) I have "been there" for sooo many moments, and I wouldn't change that for the world. I'm not complaining about what I do. It's my choice. But society doesn’t like it. We are breaking the rules. Occasionally, I get to the neighborhood swimming pool. While being turned away and written off by many of "the guys" (I just don't have a lot of time to play golf, and whistle at the beer cart girl) HOWEVER interestingly enough, I have become a bit of a pop star to some of the other mothers in the neighborhood. Why? Because they all understand how much work it is with their kids. They know what it's like to do the same things over and over and over and over day in and day out and day after day after day. When meeting someone new to the neighborhood, I often get “oooooh, you’re THAT guy….†I love it. Sometimes it’s served with a hint of sourness, and others it comes with a taste of sugar. What I mean is some people like it, most don’t. I understand many things I didn’t before I started staying home. I know how impossible it is for women to do what they do while trying to keep themselves fit and making sure he gets his feet up when he gets home; he needs to unwind after all, and of course the family has a good dinner on the table by 6. It really is a nearly impossible schedule. Society hates me for staying home and doing "the woman's work." I've been told TWICE that I can't be the team mom, because I'm not a mom. I've been told that I can't help with Brownies. I've lost many (guys) friends, they just don't care to try to understand my schedule. After extensive experience in child care I have volunteered to help in the church nursery, never gotten the call back to help. But on the other hand there have been positive experiences. I once was a member of a Mother's Morning Out Book Study, that I really learned a lot of very helpful coping skills from. I was the only guy there and was very much accepted and welcomed. I've been invited to play Bunco LOLOL with the "wives." I thought it wise to pass on that, but the invitation was genuine. Anyway, I get it from all angles, and it used to really really bother me. Now I don't care. I made it through the early years where I think some moms have some kind of mini-breakdown. I used to roll my eyes and think that mothers like that were stupid and weak minded. Pfffft. I fully understand it now. Some weeks I feel like I never leave home, and my big event is the grocery store. So GETTING BACK ON TOPIC, yeah, I certainly do believe that there are things inherent in women that are not there in men. But much of this can be learned by men. I have learned patience galore. I have learned to negotiate, to pick my battles, to see the bigger picture and the greater good in my family dynamic. I have gained an ability to TRULY TRULY be friends with other women without the "gender thing" being there. - That is far more difficult for men than it is for women. I have gone from being task oriented to routine driven. The one thing that used to get to me in the early days, was the laundry. I would work hard, get it all done, step back and feel a real sense of accomplishment, only to find the pile back there in the same place the next day. I could pull my hair out. Finally I accepted laundry as just "part of my day" and I was fine. Men are certainly wired differently, but it can be overcome. I’ve learned to not need an audible “thank you†for the things I do. Its there, it just has to be done. I'll concede, women are better at being “mothers†than men are. Men can do it, but there are some things that nature has instilled that can't be undone. Men make better drummers, race car drivers, Mathematicians, engineers, ... and so on. But I will admit, even the average woman makes a better MOTHER than the best male. That's just the way it is. I know, I live it.
