Originally Posted By x Pirate_Princess x I hope this is ok that I post this here. I am doing a speech for my speech class, and it's supposed to be narrative about a time period in our lives that taught us something. Mine is personal, but pretty much common knowledge to those who know me well. I would like to share it here, and would accept constructive criticism from those out there who are of the educational field, and those who aren't. Please, only constructive criticism, and not judgment. I think it's PG at most. . . . Imagine living with the most annoying person you know, and that person’s family and friends. Now, imagine the worst heartbreak and the best joy you’ve ever experienced. Imagine the happiest day of your life, and the saddest day of your life. I’ve experienced all those in a matter of five short years, and then some. It was January of 2000. I was 20 years old. My high school boyfriend had just broken up with me, and I was devastated. My heart had been broken into a million little pieces, so I tried to fill that emptiness with a new friend. I had created a profile on Yahoo Personals, and the first night, started talking to four different guys. One guy stood out. He liked to have fun, but didn’t like to party. He didn’t drink, didn’t smoke, and his friends didn’t drink and smoke. I was tired of talking to the guys who wanted to “Go party†and get drunk. I was only 20! I was tired of talking with the guys who only wanted to know my bra size and other degrading pieces of information. I wanted someone who wanted me for my brains. So this guy asked me for my phone number and we talked on the phone the first night for eight hours. The second night, we talked again for eight hours. The third night, we arranged to meet in a public place, but he misunderstood my directions and semi-stood me up. The fourth night, we finally arranged to get together, and had a pretty good time. Fast forward eight months to August 2000. His divorce was finally final (yes, he was married when we met. she left him, that should have been a sign right there). So we agreed to go to Reno and get married. Mind you, we were living with his parents at the time. So we eloped. No big wedding, no big party, no family or friends. Not what I had been envisioning since I was 10, that’s for sure. As soon as we got married he started calling in sick to his job, and finally, his brother in law laid him off. So I was supporting myself and this guy who insisted on staying home and playing video games and role playing all day long with his friends who were also living with their parents. Fast forward to January 2001. His nephew and his nephew’s friend were visiting for the New Year holiday, and my wonderful husband insisted on spending his days in the spare house in the backyard playing with his friends and nephew. The nephew’s friend and I had had enough, so we decided to go out to a movie. A chick flick. Miss Congeniality. Fast forward to February 2001. I find out I’m pregnant. WHAT??? Once the initial shock wore off, I told my husband. He didn’t talk to me for a week. Bastard. And then once he did start talking to me, he immediately assumed it was his nephew’s friend. WHAT WHAT????? He didn’t want to tell his parents, or his friends, but I wanted to tell the whole world. We finally broke the news to his parents, and his mom was thrilled. His dad was indifferent, much like my other half. Fast forward to June 2001. Hubby and I get into a huge spat, and my brother decides to come help me move out. Unfortunately, I fell for his “baby don’t leave†crap and ended up staying. Less than a month later, I was laid off from work because they didn’t want to deal with me taking a week leave because my doctor put me on bed rest for preterm labor. October 2001. My due date comes and goes. The precious little child who tried so hard to come out 11 weeks early ended up coming four days late. Due to low amniotic fluid, I was induced, and went from induction to delivery in four hours. Alexandria was born October 6, 2001 at 4:13am. While I was in the hospital, my lovely husband decided to spend all of the full day I was there at the Renaissance Faire. So we have a little baby, and we’re living with his parents. And it’s not just his parents anymore. His brother and other nephew has moved into the house. At my birthday in December, my grandmother told my in-laws that the family had a trailer in Niland that was just sitting there, unused. Once my in-laws heard that, they pretty much kicked us out. So we moved to Niland in February of 2002 with no job prospects and the summer looming ahead. In March of 2002, my husband moved back to the Bay Area because he couldn’t find work. I was stuck in Niland with our daughter with no job, and nothing to do. Luckily, my mom also lived in Niland, in an actual house, so we spent a lot of time there. In August, my aunt (from my dad’s side of the family) emailed me and we talked back and forth. I told her how I was stuck in a dead end location with no job and a baby to support, since my husband wasn’t sending me money like he had promised. She offered to fly me and the baby out to Ohio to help her out for a few months, since she was going to be doing a lot of business travel and had 2 small kids, a tween, and a teenager. I would live with her; she would pay me, and would start training me in her IT business. The day I landed in Ohio, my husband called me to make sure I got there ok. He then proceeded to tell me that in March that year, right after he moved back to the Bay Area, he had a one night stand. And not just any one night stand. It was a prostitute. LOVELY. I told him it was over, and that I wasn’t coming home at all. Over the next few weeks, he called and called and managed to work his way back into my good graces. He sent money whenever I asked for it. He promised up and down and two ways from Sunday that he’d never do it again. I made him get tested for diseases. I made him get out of his parents house and get an apartment before I would move back. He managed to do all those things, and on September 28, 2002, I moved back to the Bay Area. Our daughter turned 1 year old a week later. Now, my husband just didn’t get an apartment. He managed to rent a room with full house privileges from his friend. I was to go to work for said friend in his newly opened Karate Dojo, for free, in exchange for free karate lessons and a discount on rent. Fine. Best shape I was ever in, but the karate didn’t hide my depression. I managed to get a “real†job in Napa working for Budget Rent a Car. Simple and easy job. I just drove and washed the cars. No dealing with pissed off people, or money, and I had freedom when I was delivering the cars to stop where I wanted to eat and to just be alone with my thoughts. My job at Budget lasted from July 2002 to October 2002, when my landlord, aka, my husband’s friend, decided to sell his house. I had to move….back to Niland. This time, I wasn’t going back to him. Or so I said. He visited in November for Thanksgiving, and then in January, I went to the Bay Area to visit him. Guess what? I ended up pregnant again. This time, I found out in the casino bathroom in Las Vegas at his bowling tournament. After the tournament, I went back to Niland, and he went back to the Bay Area. Again, I was more excited than he was, but now I was wondering “Now what?†since I had decided to leave him. In March, I gave him an ultimatum. Either find us a place to live, or I’m filing for divorce. In April, I moved back to the Bay Area, this time, with another friend of his. So here we are. Living in a 2 bedroom apartment, my husband, 2 year old daughter and me, pregnant, in one bedroom, and his single friend in another room. Niiiice, right? Not. Well, not quite not. Things were actually pretty good. I went back to school in the summer of ’04 and our second daughter was born 2 days after her sister turned 3. He wasn’t as involved with the baby, but was great at making sure our older daughter didn’t feel neglected when I was dealing with a colicky baby. I came back to Niland in December for Christmas…to visit this time. I went back home in January after 3 and a half weeks of visiting with my mom and sister to many surprises. He actually bought me and my daughter Christmas presents. He rearranged our room to accommodate not only the toddler bed, but also a crib (our baby had been sleeping with us). He planned a trip to Disneyland for the family. He told me he supported me 100% to finish school. I was actually, for the first time in our marriage, happy. He was taking initiative and I was reaping the benefits. Or so I thought. It dawned on me, after we returned home from Disneyland, that he wasn’t quite right. The behavior that he had been exuding was weird. Then it clicked. I asked, “When?†He said, with a wolf in sheep’s clothing smirk on his face, “What?†“When?†I repeated. “January, the night before you came home.†He replied, without missing a beat. Yep. He’d cheated. Again. I told him right then and there, it was over. I would finish the semester (it was only March, and the semester ended in May) and then I’d be gone. I didn’t cry. He didn’t ask me to stay. I knew, once and for all, that it was over. Less than a week later, I find him chatting online with a girl, and making dates. I kicked him out, but then realized I couldn’t make rent on me own, since I wasn’t working. On April 13, 2005, I had all my stuff packed up in the car I made him buy for me, and my two children and I moved back to the Imperial Valley for the last time, to start a new chapter in our lives. In conclusion, I learned that I should always follow my first instinct in a relationship. If something doesn’t seem right, if one itty bitty thing just doesn’t seem right, then more than likely, it’s not, and I should either find out why, or get the hell out of dodge. Life is too short to live miserably. However, if I hadn’t stayed as long as I did, I wouldn’t have both my girls, and I can’t imagine my life without either of them. I also wouldn’t have the most amazing group of friends that I met when I was pregnant with my first daughter. All these experiences and people I met during that five year period of my life helped shape me to be who I am today. God works in mysterious ways, and I learned way more than I can put into words.
Originally Posted By trekkeruss A very interesting life. I can't imagine being so open with strangers, but I guess it's easier on the internet. I think you should find some different vehicles to move along the story other than, "fast forward to..." It's a bit repetitive. I'd drop the "In conclusion"... it's too clinical.
Originally Posted By RoadTrip Wow... you have been through a lot. You've also handled it about as well as I think any young person could. Make sure you want to make this information public in your speech class. Once it is out there, there is no way to get it back. On the other hand, people in a speech class aren't likely to cause you trouble like some internet geek might. Use you own discretion on what you think is best. One of my first speeches in my Speech Class involved the time I went to court ordered mediation involving my 14 year-old son and 6 of his friends for the delinquency damage they caused. I also was giving up a very personal part of my life. I was applauded by the class at the end of my speech. It worked for me, but know the risks before deciding it will work for you. My absolute and sincere best wishes for you... both in your class and in your life. I feel hope for the future when I see young people like you who have been through the ringer and still try to live a positive life. Your story is really quite inspirational.
Originally Posted By x Pirate_Princess x Thanks, Roadtrip!! trekkeruss: The "in conclusion" part is pretty much requested in our speeches. I'll definitely ask my prof tomorrow how I can change that to fit the mood of the speech, though. As far as my private life being made public, I'm not ashamed or embarrassed about my experiences during this time, and anything I am, I've left out. LOL Those experiences made me who I am today.
Originally Posted By ShivaThDestroyer Princess, Shiva is speechless and that doesn't happen too often. What happened to you is every father's nightmare and it was hard for me to read. Your "Dragon" was all too real and your overcoming it yourself has made you stronger and shaped the person you are today. As a father, I wish there had been some way to spare you the pain of growing up but, as a father, I'm proud of the person you have become. If your speech affects your professor and class as powerfully as it did me it can't help to be a success. Best of luck and please let us know how you did.
Originally Posted By Jim in Merced CA x Pirate_Princess x -- your story is what I would describe as 'a terrific read.' For a speech, my advice would be to do some additional editing. Don't get me wrong. The stories are incredibly heartfelt and I was shaking my head at the behavior of the jerky husband, but....it did get long. Take a few more swipes at it and tighten it up a bit.
Originally Posted By x Pirate_Princess x Thanks Shiva and Jim. I have done some editing and it's a 9 minute speech. Supposed to be 7-8 minutes, so I'm doing pretty good. I have an appointment with my professor today at 12:30 to discuss it before I present the speech, so I'm really looking forward to what he has to say, too. This is only my second speech, and I was torn between doing something like this or doing a Disneyland trip report. But Disneyland is the topic of my next speech.
Originally Posted By Kar2oonMan My constructive criticism is to say that I wouldn't deliver this speech to your class. Once all that personal info is out there, you can't undo that. Surely there are topics you could choose between a full out confessional and a Disneyland trip report? Especially since this is only your second speech, it seems like you might want to get more experience with reading your audience, honing your speech abilities, before delving into a topic like this. With more writing experience, you'll be able to hone things down better, illuminate various points with more depth and reflection. I'd suggest narrowing the focus down to a smaller time period -- your speech above spans a five year period. That's far too much for a 7 minute speech. Also, things like "guess what?" are "niice, right?" are more for conversation or a personal letter, less for a speech. As you have an appt. today, this is probably too late for me to chime in, but take my criticism for what it's worth to you.
Originally Posted By x Pirate_Princess x Thanks, Kar2oonMan. I did have my appointment today with my professor. He loved it. Slang and casual conversation bits as it had. I did change a few of the transitions, though, as trekkeruss suggested. And I timed it, it's 9 minutes, and when I told my prof, he said that was fine. Thanks everyone!!!!
Originally Posted By mater4 Good luck with your speech. I think it takes courage to deliver a speech like yours.There are a lot of lessons someone can learn from your experiences.
Originally Posted By x Pirate_Princess x That's what I'm hoping. My main thing I want people to know is that no matter how attached and dependent on someone you are, you can always make a better life for yourself.
Originally Posted By ShivaThDestroyer Pirate Princess, That was the message that I got when I read your speach through for the first time. I was worried in the beginning that you were using the speech as an outlet for venting anger but as I got farther into it I saw the direction you were taking. It's a very personal and powerful topic but I never felt that you had anything to be ashamed of nor that you even did anything terribly wrong. You were young and vulnerable and you fell into the trap of a predator. Unfortunately, that kind of trap is difficult to see while you're still in the relationship. You might only reach one person with this message but that's one or more lives that might be so much better for it. Sure, the grammer and syntax might have been more correct but the message is the most important part. I think it came through loud and clear.
Originally Posted By x Pirate_Princess x Thank you. I did keep the grammar and tone the way it was for 2 reasons: 1. My class is made up of fresh-out-of-high school teens, and I didn't want to use a tone that would either bore them or go over their heads. and 2. I wanted it to be serious, but I also wanted to convey that I'm not bitter about it, and I didn't want the tone to be angry. I'm sure some of the details may shock some, but I really wanted to to sound more like I'm talking to friends so it doesn't make me sound like a mental case. LOL
Originally Posted By Inspector 57 Pirate Princess, how did it go?!?! I was amazed to read that you could do a nine-minute speech as your second in the class. Eee-yikes! Ours were limited to three minutes throughout the course. I can't imagine having to prepare and deliver such a long one as your second effort! Separately... Good for you! Very best wishes for the rest of your life!
Originally Posted By x Pirate_Princess x It went great. I went first, and the professor was still blown away by the ... umm... audacity of my ex, but by no means was it the best. Several others brought me to tears, and one gave me the inspiration for my 3rd speech...the importance of car seats and the proper seats for children. The speech was supposed to be 5-7 minutes, but since the class is small, he said we could get away with speeches being a little longer. Our first one was 3 minutes. I think mine was 4. And thanks!!
