Originally Posted By chickendumpling Excerpts from actual letters sent to landlords... 1. "The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared." 2. "I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and burnt my knob off." 3. "This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door." 4. "I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall." 5. "I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen." 6. "Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces." 7. "Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk. Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant." 8. "Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny color and not fit to drink." 9. "Would you please send a man to repair my downspout. I am an old age pensioner and need it straight away." 10. "When the workmen were here they put their tools in my wife's new drawers and made a mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish the job and keep my wife happy."
Originally Posted By chickendumpling Dear _________________: Thank you for leaving [ ] tooth/teeth under your pillow last night. While we make every attempt to leave a monetary reward in the case of lost or stolen children's teeth, we were unable to process your request for the following reason(s) indicated below: ( ) the tooth could not be found ( ) it was not a human tooth ( ) we do not think that pieces of chicken bone are very funny ( ) we were unable to approach the tooth due to excessive odor ( ) the tooth has previously been redeemed for cash ( ) the tooth did not originally belong to you ( ) the tooth fairy does not process fingernails ( ) your request has been forwarded to the Nerve Ending Fairy for appropriate action ( ) you were overheard to state that you do not believe in the tooth fairy ( ) you are age 12 or older at the time your request was received ( ) the tooth is still in your mouth ( ) the tooth was guarded by a vicious fairy-eating dog at the time of our visit ( ) no nightlight was on at the time of our visit ( ) the snacks provided for the tooth fairy were not satisfactory, or were missing ( ) we discovered evidence of unsafe tooth extraction as follows: [ ] string [ ] pliers [ ] gunpowder [ ] hammer marks [ ] chisel [ ] part of skull attached to tooth [ ] no dental care ( ) other: Instead of the usual cash redemption, we have provided the following certificate which you may attempt to exchange at a retail store near you. Thank you for your request, and we look forward to serving you in the future. Sincerely, The Tooth Fairy
