Originally Posted By Labuda LP family, I'm hoping one of you can come to my aid here. I'm organizing an intervention for a friend of mine who's gone from a happy-go-lucky individual to a weepy mess having the life sucked out of him by his loser partner. So, my friend's mom, aunt, and uncle have decided they want to do this ASAP, so they're en route to Austin right now. I'm thinking tonight we'll do SOME sort of planning session, but well - what exactly do you do in an intervention? Just talk to the person, or do you also give them ultimatums, or what? I honestly have no idea, and having worked already 24+ hours this week, I haven't exactly had time to surf the web to look around for info. Sooo, can anyone here either point me in the direction of some stuff I could try to read this afternoon or let me know how you may have handled it if you were ever part of an intervention for a person you love?
Originally Posted By Kimrue Labuda, it really depends, has your friend started abusing drugs or drinking a lot since the breakup? Interventions are usually done with a person who is abusing some sort of "substance." Interventions are also very serious and require a lot of planning. It is very important to consult with a therapist or social worker, some sort of professional before confronting someone in need. They also suggest to have the family and loved one's practice and go through what each person is going to say. This is a serious matter and not one to just "wing." It really depends on what is going on with your friend. Perhaps he doesn't so much need an intervention rather a few good shoulders to cry on, which is fine. If you feel a need for a serious intervention, I will suggest putting it off until you have gone through the proper motions. Definately practice what you are going to do and say with the other family members. If he senses a feel of annoyance or "get over it already" attitude, or "I don't have time for this crud" it's not going to work, and potentially make him feel worse. GOod luck with your friend.
Originally Posted By Labuda Well, the breakup hasn't happened, and we don't know if M. is abusing or not. We do know that J. (his partner) is using, though...
Originally Posted By Lisann22 I come from a long history of alcohol and drug abuse around me. I've been through many interventions. Never one where it was not 100% that the person we were addressing was not an addict. Nor one for a bad relationship. Like Kimrue I think you guys really need to consult with a professional first. Usually there is someone with experience at this present. A mediator or leader who is trained or has experience in dealing with these situations. Many different scenarios could play out and you have to have all your bases covered. What if this person is addicted - do you have some where for this person to go immediately to seize the moment? What if they are being abused - do you have a home available for them to immediately go stay at? That's just a couple things right off the top of my head. Usually you get the person to AA/NA right away - like that day/night. I hope this goes well, I really hope you guys confer with a professional first and have someone on hand that knows what they are doing.
Originally Posted By dsnykid Okay, i'll give you the view of an intervention from the person who's been the object of one... I had 10 friends, no family, sit me down very informally and say "You have a drinking problem. Yes we all drink, but you can no longer control it. We are worried about you. We will not drink with you, buy you drinks or take you anywhere where you may drink. You need help and we will do anything you need us to do to help you" That was it... these were 10 Sorority and Fraternity friends and they stood by my side as I slowed and then stopped my binge drinking... no threats were made no professionals involved.. just people who loved me saying that enough was enough. It may not work for everyone, but it worked for me - I admitted myself to a treatment facility and got the help I needed.
Originally Posted By JazzCat I completely agree with Lisa. Talk to a mediator or therapist that will be present when you do the intervention. I have never been involved in an intervention, but I had thought about getting friends together to confront another friend of ours. Thankfully (and I mean that!) he was yet again arrested for drunk driving, his license revoked and court ordered AA meetings. BTW, where have you been girl??? You gotta be the first LPer to reach 40,000 posts!
Originally Posted By chickendumpling Hope things go well for your friend Labuda. It is so hard to see someone you care about hurting like that. As for the intervention part... I've never been involved in an "intervention" per se but I've had plenty of long talks with friends in need over the years. Maybe I'm missing something but what is it you plan to "intervene" about? Him being heartbroken? Him not leaving his partner? I think you've gotten some good advice about talking to a professional first just to help with a little guidance. I know time is of the essence though so hopefully you'll find someone willing to do a consult asap. I'll be thinking good thoughts for you all.
Originally Posted By roberts1398 I agree with Lisann's and Kimrue's concerns about professional consult before attempting an intervention. One problem is the concept of intervention when you're not sure what the problem is ... substance abuse, domestic violence, mental health issues... Intervention is generally used for firmly entrenched problems like alcoholism, where there is huge denial involved. Maybe you don't need something as confrontational as an intervention, but instead, just a chance to let him know your concern and willingness to help if he just reaches out. Remember one thing... if your main concern/approach is this "loser partner," tread lightly. While you see the person as a loser, your friend may be deeply in love. I have been in the position of being honest about my beliefs of how someone's significant other is abusing a friend in some way. And when they got back together, I lost the friendship because she was uncomfortable knowing I didn't like her boyfriend. So, be VERY careful that your efforts don't end up shutting your friend off even more. Good luck!
