Originally Posted By Mr X So I'm planning a trip to visit my Dad's house, we've had a fairly strained relationship but he takes my calls (doesn't ever bother getting in touch with me, but whatever), and he's Little X's grandpa so I do what I can. So I get an email from my sister, probably the first one in years (well, no..she did send ONE note to ask if I was okay after the disaster), saying that yes, she'd LOVE to join me and Little X to go see Dad (heard about it from her Mom). Okay. So I'm like, cool. And I suddenly had a thought, so I wrote back to her "what do you think of inviting our Uncle, and his wife? I'll definitely take your thoughts into consideration before going ahead with it" (my Uncle and my Dad, brothers, haven't spoken in years either but have no *particular* bad blood or at least not in decades) So I wait. 5 days later, my sis hasn't emailed back...and why should she? She NEVER sends a second reply. So I figure, okay, she's not going to send a reply...So I write to my Uncle yesterday and ask if he might like to join us to go visit his brother. Cue...my sister. This morning, she sends me an email. "I don't think that's such a good idea, it would be very uncomfortable for me" (the Uncle, by the way, is her Godfather...of course, THEY haven't spoken in years either) UGH...okay, so I write quickly back to my Uncle, saying "Gee, I think I probably put pressure on you asking you to come along. I know you and your brother haven't spoken in a long time, and it was forward of me to ask. I probably didn't really think things through enough regarding all parties concerned". A few minutes ago, this from my Uncle, "No, that's okay. We would LOVE to join you!". Ugh. Help?
Originally Posted By Tiggirl Tell everyone to put their big kid pants on and deal with it. Honestly, its your trip. You and your family are coming from pretty far away and its only natural that you'd like to see your family. I would say invite whomever you want and those who don't want to "deal" with seeing people they haven't spoken to in a while... that's totally fine. But that's their issue and not yours. ~Beth
Originally Posted By wahooskipper Glad I'm not alone with crazy family. Is there a good reason why your sis ain't keen on the uncle? If so, I'd take that into account. If not, I'd tell her that you invited him innocently enough and if she doesn't want to go now you would understand. Any reason she can't visit dad on her own?
Originally Posted By Mr X ***Is there a good reason why your sis ain't keen on the uncle?*** Not a "good" reason per se, but long story short long long ago there was a huge rift in the family and I ended up on one side of it with my Uncle and the rest of my Dad's family and she on the other with my Dad and her Mom (my step-mom). This all happened when we were kids, but she still harbors resentments about it because the family didn't speak to my Dad for a very long time and she suffered collateral damage bigtime (she was only 8 or so). But also, the more I think about it, I'm getting very selfish vibes from her. She didn't mention anything about it perhaps being cool for her Dad and his brother to get together, or anything like that. At the moment, I'm considering separate trips. I'll see her in Boston anyway (my Dad lives way up in Northern N.H.), so it's not like we all need to go there on the same day or anything. ***Any reason she can't visit dad on her own*** On the "selfish vibes" front, she hinted in the email that she might like me to give her a lift up there (what she wrote was "what's your car situation?"). Beth, thank you.
Originally Posted By Scutr I'm in the boat with skipper on this one. Be upfront that, when you didn't hear back from her after 5 days, you went ahead and invited him. If she still has issues with going together then bring up the idea of separate trips and see what she says. BUT schedule things to your own convenience where possible. I'm not sure where you live, exactly, but you're traveling the most distance, and orchestrating the whole thing, so don't do any more "bending over backward" than you feel comfortable with. Boston and north NH may not be right next door, but they're not so d**n far that she couldn't make the effort to see him on her own. Unless she has mobility issues that we aren't aware of, it doesn't sound like she's made much of an effort. Ditto the comment about not being the only one with a screwed up family. And I'll share the 'StatusShuffle' comment I posted on Facebook a few days ago after I got an attitude from a family member: "Sometimes in life you just have to stick up your middle finger and say, "Whatever!"
Originally Posted By DlandDug You did right, and will likely be punished...! Seriously, it is your trip, and you did make every effort to please the various parties involved. They now will need to deal with their own issues. Have a great trip, and continue to model good behavior for little X.
Originally Posted By Scutr Re-reading my post, it sounds a lot more harsh than it was intended to. I was trying to say that the more you try to cater to everyone else's pride, ego, and issues the more stress you're going to put yourself under. (and long-distance travel, especially with spouse and child, will be stressful enough)
Originally Posted By disney pete I have to say im with beth on this theyre just going to have to deal with it.
Originally Posted By RoadTrip Do it only if you are sure it would not diminish your enjoyment of the trip. Sometimes a tense situation with family can make the visit very uncomfortable.
Originally Posted By Mr X ***I'm not sure where you live, exactly*** Near Tokyo, Japan. ***but you're traveling the most distance*** Of that there can be no doubt. Boston and north NH may not be right next door, but they're not so d**n far that she couldn't make the effort to see him on her own*** She actually lives in Washington D.C. and is flying up. Ostensibly for the purpose of "seeing us" but I suspect some ulterior motives on her part (wanting to introduce her new boyfriend to her father, for one thing, and thinking it would be convenient if I was around to take some of the pressure off of that meeting).
Originally Posted By Mr X ***Re-reading my post, it sounds a lot more harsh than it was intended to*** Not at all! No worries. ***Have a great trip, and continue to model good behavior for little X*** Thank you for saying so. I ain't perfect, that's for sure. But sometimes I *do* feel like the only grown-up in the room when it comes to this family garbage. lol.
Originally Posted By amazedncal2 I could go on and on about how I understand how you feel but for now I'd like to offer some virtual hugs {{MrX}}
Originally Posted By davewasbaloo Families are nuts all around the globe, and they are there to drive us crazy, but they are also there as our connections. I would say go with what you want to do given the distance travelled, but ensure there are no surprises for any of the family. Happy to talk if you want to.
