Originally Posted By Mr X Not talking "internet bully", I'm sure many would accuse me of that here (but in fairness I've met plenty of others too lol), and not even in an adult sense, but when you were a kid. I was bullied a LOT in elementary school (every after school fight card involved me one way or another ). BUT, I'm ashamed to say, when I grew a bit and reached Junior High I did pick on a couple of kids myself in a sort of "revenge fantasy" way. But weirdly I was living in another town by then, so my "revenge" was taken out on kids who had nothing to do with my grade school woes (if ythey're out there, I hope they will Facebook friend me so I can apologize profusely! ). By high school I was out of the game. Pretty much a loner with a small circle of friends, and I never talked to anyone enough to get into a fight either as the aggressor or the bullied one. College was such a relief. I was a somewhat friendly guy with a slightly bigger circle of friends. So anyway, just curious. Anyone else have a story one way or the other (or if not a personal one, something you've seen go down and had thoughts about)?
Originally Posted By davewasbaloo Hmmmm interesting. It was never a problem in the US. Then when I moved to an urban city in the UK, I was bullied almost daily for being American (prejudice is not just about colour). I could defend myself with wit most of the time, and occassionally self defence. But because I could hold my own, I would often get caught and in trouble. It really sucked, 3 guys would try to stop my getting into the bathroom at my time of need. It would start with them blocking access and asking me in a bad American accent if I wanted a hamburger, or teasing me about Reagan (who I always dispised anyway) or some other inane thing. Then if I tried to get through, there might be all three going for me. Thankfully they were often stupid, so it was easy to sort out, but if I got caught, I would get into trouble for making a nussance of myself. Then I would get "friendly" advice from the teachers that I should maintain a low profile and be quiet to not draw attention to my differences. Thankfully we moved to a rural area a few years later (after 4 years of that rubbish), and we were about 8 miles from a U.S. Airforce base, so it was no longer an issue, and the issue went away. I did become a bit of a vigilante though. If I witnessed any bullying in that school, I would use a lot of psychology and my physical attributes to scare any bully I caught. Lol. AS an adult, I had to sit in an industrial tribunal under allegations of bullying and sexism. It really undermined my confidence. I hired a new member of staff who interviewed great, but was unreliable from week 2 (poor time keeping, last minute claimed she would have to cancel a $20,000 training course that front line social workers had in their diaries because of inadequate child care, sometimes would not show up on client site, and I wouldn't know until the customer would call and complain). Anyway, I knew I was going to need to discipline her, and thankfully I did it right when I spoke with my boss before doing anything, and kept a journal. I gave her an unofficial verbal warning and we agreed a plan for how to better work together to balance her personal life and private life (Remember, she took a $70,000 a year role knowing very well it would mean 3-5 days away from home, anywhere in Europe, with sometimes little notice). Everything seemed like it was then going to be ok. Well, then one night we had horrific snows. I was worried about my whole team (all 32 of them). All but this one were safe either at home (and we would cancel the courses due to the weather) or in the hotel within walking distance of the venues. She called me at 9pm stating the weather was looking bad, and asking for advice. My team knew because of the mobile nature, I was available on the phone 24/7. After deducing that she was halfway between home and the client, I jumped on the web and looked at the weather reports to see what was happening and forecast where she was, near her home and where she was going. I informed her and said the options were: 1. Recommended - get a hotel near where she was and safely wait it out (I physically reserved 2 rooms as a contingency for her) 2. Turn around and go home carefully 3. Continue to site carefully I asked her to let me know what she wanted to do, and I would stay up to ensure I could support. She said she would push on (knowing she was in trouble on the performance front). I said not to worry as no one can beat mother nature. She said no, the right thing was to push on (I used to as well, so I understood). Any way, she would call me every 30 - 45 minutes to give me updates. By 4am, the calls stopped. I was worried sick, but knew there was nothing I could do. I still stayed up. I went to the office, and no messages there, and I really got noticeably worried as the day went on. I called the client, and they said they did not see her, but none of the delegates showed either because of the weather. I gave it till 2pm (no sleep, feeling sick in my stomach). I then went to HR and said I wanted to call next of kin to make sure she was alright (the rule at work was call in no later than 9:30 if you were not working). I called her parents. They said she was fine, she had turned around and drove to their house, getting there at 7am. She was there asleep on the couch. I was livid, even though her battery could have gone, the fact she was at her parents, they could have called me, even if this lady was not up to it. So there I was stressed and worried about my whole team, and 2 days without sleep plus my own workload. I was not amused. Realising I was emotional, I went to HR and chatted it through, explaining that I did not think it was worth a warning because the weather was freaky, but I would honestly explain how I would have appreciated a call. I was advised that although unofficial, I have another member of the management team with me when I did so. So, when I next saw her, 2 weeks later (and she had been late to site 40% of the time). I had explained calmly how I felt and my expectations (as well as the relief that she was safe). She then blew in a rage of tears and quit. I then got a lawyer's letter claiming I was being pursued for bullying and sexism towards a single mother (funny, I had other single parents in my team where things were fine). I was devistated. I went to court, and she lost. I had evidence of the performance issues, the diary, the account of the snow night, and other staff coming forward (including other moms) defending me and also claiming she was a draw on the team and her flakey behaviour hurt our reputation with clients. I won, I was given a few paid days off after to recoup, and I should have been happy. Instead I doubted myself, and other people. And to this day, sadly, I try not to socialise too much with direct reports, or speak with them outside of the office. A part of my humanity and kindness in business died. Just like I will never touch another colleague on the shoulder again, but that is a story for another time. My reality is this, the only one you can depend on is yourself. There are other great people out there worth a chance, and definately make a difference. But, there will always be bullies. It is what you do about it that matters. I will stand up to anyone who tries to bully me, and as long as it does not harm anyone else, I play to win. If I am concerned I am bullying someone, or there may be allegations, I try to get external perspective, and will sometimes question calmly the person and go with the flow. I look forward to reading other experiences. But after being abused, caring for family as a child, international immigration etc., defecation happens. What matters is what you do about it, what is going on now, and what you are going to do in the future. Keep moving forward.
Originally Posted By Mr X ***3 guys would try to stop my getting into the bathroom at my time of need. It would start with them blocking access and asking me in a bad American accent if I wanted a hamburger, or teasing me about Reagan (who I always dispised anyway) or some other inane thing.*** I can sort of sympathize here...I was never an internationally bullied kid, I was always an American in America, but in grade school I wasn't an Italian American (that was the neighborhood...and part of my problem though hardly all of it!). Anything folks can do to separate the herd, I suppose. *sigh*
Originally Posted By Liberty Belle I was bullied by most of the kids in my grade in primary (elementary) school, every day from pre-school to year 6. In year 7, the last year of primary school, it stopped, mostly thanks to an awesome teacher. One of the more consistent offenders was the boy who lived next door to me, so I never really felt comfortable playing in my front yard, even though he never bothered me at home. I never stuck up for myself but one day when I saw him teasing another girl I went and yelled at him, and he left her alone after that. Shame I didn't do the same for myself! Oh, one other example of standing up for myself, even if I did do exactly what I now encourage my students NOT to do! I was getting my lunch from my bag when a boy walked past and punched me in the back. In a move that was completely uncharacteristic of me, I ran after him and basically beat him up! (Afterwards I remember the boy going up to one of his friends and saying "don't mess with her, she's stronger than she looks!") In high school I went to an all girls' school and since the worst bullies at primary school were actually the girls I expected there would be a lot of cattiness, but we all got along surprisingly well. I'm still shy around people I don't know, but I gained a much bigger circle of friends (most of whom I'm still friends with today) and became a lot more confident. Oh, and now I'm a teacher and there's no getting away with bullying in my classroom!
Originally Posted By amazedncal2 I was bullied, stalked and taunted in 8th and 9th grade. It took a police investigation of a "tagging" of my house and my new boyfriend (DH) breaking a taunters nose at a high school basketball game for it to all come out in the open. The parents got involved (turned out broken nose boy's parents and my parents went to school together and were quasi friends) and it magically stopped. I always wonder if I had talked to my parents about it early on if it would have stopped sooner but I was trying to soldier on. I did run with a snotty group of girls for awhile. I wouldn't say we were bullies as much as exclusive, there were former friends who were no longer in the group. Nothing like you see in the movies, we just were cool in our coolness within our group. I don't go to any of my school reunions. I'm not who I was, it wasn't a happy time and I don't care to look back
Originally Posted By Longhorn12 I was always bigger then the other kids (in height and weight until around high school)and I was bullied about it during 5th-6th grade by really only one kid. One day he had stolen a pen my grandparents gave me and destroyed it. I had enough by this point and slammed his head into a locker. It stopped immediately. The saddest part about this story is that the teachers and both our parents knew, thus showing sometimes violence is the answer.... sadly.
Originally Posted By Lisann22 Never bullied, I was a defender. Got me in a lot of problems as a kid and many bruises, still does.
Originally Posted By CMDad In junior high school, I was a music geek and traveled to and from school on the bus with my viola. I also have always been very short. I was never bullied by those who really knew me in school, but for the longest time a group of boys on the bus were giving me a hard time, trying to start a fight. Finally, I meekly accepted because I was tired of this crap. What they didn't know was that not only was I indeed also a jock. (I know, hard to believe looking at me these days, but I was once an athlete.) I was the catcher on my school (and pickup) baseball team, and was not intimidated by bigger boys trying to knock me over (and out) forcibly. I insisted that we fight on grass so no one would be hurt. They thought I meant me ... but I know what I planned on doing. When one of the guys came at me, within seconds he was face down in the dirt, one of my hands behind his head making sure he was quite intimate with it, the other hand trying to introduce his wrist to the back of his neck. And finally my knee in the small of his back. They never bothered me again ... hmmm ... wonder why? <G>
Originally Posted By magic0214 I am bullied so much in Middle School. I get called gay at least once a day, it just sucks u know, Thank God I have my friends there for me but its just a sucky thing in life to put up with.
Originally Posted By LPFan22 magic0214 ~ I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Please know there are always people you can talk to... teachers, neighbors, parents or other adults. It doesn't have to get out of hand. Remember that okay?
Originally Posted By Mr X ***I am bullied so much in Middle School. I get called gay at least once a day, it just sucks u know*** I hear ya, brutha. Take it easy and don't let em get ya down! Have you talked to your parents about it?
Originally Posted By A Happy Haunt Magic ppl are mean due to thier own insecurities! Don't listen, u r better than that
Originally Posted By Tandelothien I was always a chubby kid (in fact my uncles gave me the nickname Fatty and my sister skinny when we were kids) but I never had a lot of problems until my first year of high school. Two of the worst examples I remember was one day in science class the teacher didn't think I was listening so he yelled out in front of the whole class "Barbara Murray you fat pudding, what did I just say". However when I repeated back to him what he had said there were no appologies or anything and of course that put a big bulls eye on me to the other kids. Another time I was walking to the train station after school and the class tough kid and his very rough, senior, older brother and friends were walking behind me. They started calling me names, one of them pushed me in the back and then they started spitting on me until we reached the local garage where I hid in the ladies room until they were gone and caught a later train. I never stood up for myself because I was always quiet, shy and insecure.
Originally Posted By Tandelothien I was always a chubby kid (in fact my uncles gave me the nickname Fatty and my sister skinny when we were kids) but I never had a lot of problems until my first year of high school. Two of the worst examples I remember was one day in science class the teacher didn't think I was listening so he yelled out in front of the whole class "Barbara Murray you fat pudding, what did I just say". However when I repeated back to him what he had said there were no appologies or anything and of course that put a big bulls eye on me to the other kids. Another time I was walking to the train station after school and the class tough kid and his very rough, senior, older brother and friends were walking behind me. They started calling me names, one of them pushed me in the back and then they started spitting on me until we reached the local garage where I hid in the ladies room until they were gone and caught a later train. I never stood up for myself because I was always quiet, shy and insecure.
Originally Posted By Liberty Belle Magic I'm sorry you're going through that. Just stick with your friends and ignore the bullies, and the good news (not that it helps now, I know) is that one day it will all be just a memory - by which point you'll probably be in a much better place in the world than the bullies are. >>you fat pudding, what did I just say<< REEEEAL nice from a teacher! What a jerk! Kids can be jerks enough without being encouraged by adults.
Originally Posted By wahooskipper I was the military brat and moved throughout my childhood. As a result, I dealt with a lot of new kid bullying. It didn't help that at my first day of high school in a new town I inadvertently sat at the wrong table. I played sports but also was in the band and choir (that is how you REALLY meet the girls after all) but two things really helped stop the bullying. The first is that I grew several inches between my sophomore and junior years, putting me at 6'. The second is that I ended up dating one of the more popular girls in school. Facebook is a pretty interesting case study now. When I look at the 'cool' kids, most of them still live in our sleepy old town and aren't really doing much with their lives. Others who were likely on the receiving end of some bullying have gone on to lead very interesting lives. So, to those experiencing the bullying now...mom was right. It will end and you have a lot of good times ahead of you.
Originally Posted By Mr X <---feeling REAL lonely right now having been the only one to admit to having bullied at one time. j/k Here's a bullying story I heard just tonight that really HORRIFIED me. A friend of mine who I'm just getting to know was chatting with me about her high school days, and she told me that she went to a special "music high school" in Tokyo. I was MOST intrigued, being a musician myself, as that sounds like a real dream! She confirmed that there was no math, no social studies, just music all day long. And she said it was great, the first year. She played the double bass (for those not familiar with an orchestra, it's like a giant cello...for those even less familiar, a cello is like a giant violin ). She had a great teacher who was wonderful and supportive, AND he was a pro musician in Tokyo's finest orchestra. The second year, he retired. And the new teacher came into her lesson on the very first day and said "Girls have no business playing the double bass". She was in tears (obviously), and tried to stick it out for a short time but finally decided she couldn't bear 2+ more years of this guy as her teacher. So she quit and went to regular school. And since then hasn't picked up her double bass for 10 years. (I was encouraged to learn though, that the reason she told me the story was because she'll looking around to join a community orchestra and get back on the horse...yay!)
Originally Posted By CMDad <<(for those not familiar with an orchestra, it's like a giant cello...for those even less familiar, a cello is like a giant violin ).>> And how could you do this to me X? You totally ignored my instrument ... <----- A proud violoist who started with the viola and was never a violinist first.
Originally Posted By disney pete I was bullied for 2 months at my secondry school (1 of the roughest in liverpool)and then 1 day the 3 guys who bullied me went to far 2 of them held me as the main bully of the school punched me in the stomach,something snapped inside me and i battered the 3 of them,i was never physically bullied again as i earned a sought of respect,although i was teased as i was quite inteligent in most subjects (apart from woodwork and metalwork)about 15 yrs ago i bumped into an old mate from our class and he told me there was only 4 of us out of the whole class who werent in prison,school was most definitely not my best years.
