Originally Posted By crazycroc I just got a new weekend gig. They called me tonight and told me I've got it, but I'm not in any shape to take it right now. It's 40 hours in two days working in the respite shelter, to supplement my plan to pay off the house in a year and become mortgage free, which is the only debt we have. The hours are 7am-9pm Saturday and 7am-9am Sunday/Monday Morning. So 40 additional hours in 2 days, making croc not really wealthier, but helping me get the "man" out of my pocket quicker. They want me to start this Saturday Here's the problem. My wife and I have been watching my sister's kids at our house for the last three years. The kids are a baby, and a toddler, so a 3 year old and an 18 month old. About 3 months ago, Crazycroc's wife sat down with said sister and told her we needed her to start picking up the kids by 5:30, which was the original agreement. My sister was dropping the kids off at 7 and picking them up at like 645, so we were basically watching these two beautiful kids for close to 12 hours a day.....Which wasn't good for the kids, cause they started thinking that our house was home, which in a way it was. Anyway, so for some reason, my sister starts being really odd with us. She starts trying to bad mouth me to my wife, and my wife to me?!? She starts telling everyone in the family all sorts of different stories.... Which leads me to a couple of days before our last trip to Disneyland {July 13th or so}. I was picking up emergency road supplies at my brother's house when his wife came out and said, "Didya hear that the babies are going to daycare from now on, even when you guys come back?" So, I'm like in a panic, thinking my little schmoopsie-poos are going away, so I call my sister. I tell her that we will cancel the trip if it will cause problems for the kiddos and stuff, cause we love them. She says no, and that the kids aren't going anywhere. I'll continue this in the next post....
Originally Posted By crazycroc So, we go to Disneyland, still don't get hit by the Dream Squad, and then come home. We return on a Monday, kids are supposed to come in a couple of days. On the day they are to return, my sister does a no-call, no-show. We call her at about 830 because we are worried, and she says, "I just want to leave them at daycare until they stop crying when I leave them there." WHAT!!!!? Does that make any sense whatsoever, still under assumption that these children would be returning to our house? I tell her that I don't understand her logic, but that they are her kids and we'll see them when they stop crying, I guess? It's now been 3 and 1/2 weeks since we returned and we still haven't seen the kids. She called last Sunday and asked my wife is she could leave the kids here for a couple of hours for a visit. I said, "Not unless they are coming back here, instead of daycare, because I don't want to confuse them." I really don't want to do anything intentionally or unintentionally to hurt those little babies. And I don't want the kids to come over and fall in love gaga with my wife again only to be ripped away. That irritated her and she said we needed to talk. When we talked, she said the most irrational, illogical, not rooted in reality things about why she didn't want us watching the kids. Seriously, made no sense. Croc knows himself and readily admits his faults, and is a recovering Catholic so has guilt for things he didn't even do. This stuff had nothing to do with reality. At all. So, my sister is badmouthing me and my wife all over the place. The wife that worked a full time job in three days on the weekend swing shift so she could watch the babies. A croc that worked 80 hour weeks when the first one was born so that the child didn't have to go to childcare and his wife could watch the baby. At this point, croc has had enough. I'm sad, I'm upset, I'm confused. There are baby clothes, toys, pictures, books, blankies, etc. all over my house, it's driving me mad. I pack everything up and put it away. Three years worth of baby toys and memories, just gone. It is sad, because the house is empty, but I don't cry when I see the baby swings and snugglies and stuff. It's going to get delivered to my sister in a couple of days. I can't take her being around right now, with the manipulation and the lies, but what do you do about the babies? Anyone have the experience where you just can't do enough to help someone? It does always end with a sharp kick to the teeth and groin doesn't it. How do I let those little babies know that Uncle Crazycroc still loves them and stuff, when my sister is being horrific to my wife and I and making bad choices. I really do love those kids....
Originally Posted By crazycroc So, I am a mess. Very sad, like diaper commercials make me cry and my sister is being unreasonable and unresponsive and behaving very borderline personality disorder-ish. I can't possibly start a new job in two days. How do tell a new boss something like that? Will I lose the job? It's one that I've been trying to get for a while, because now I have two jobs that I can walk to! BTW, this is not me being a smarmy butt, like Jimmy in the Tortilla factory. I was hoping that STiL and other moms and stuff might have some suggestions. I'm a good dad, raised a little girl by myself after her mother flaked, until I married the nubian princess. I've worked with kids, DD adults, runaways, homeless people. I'm like a caring croc, and all my experience working with the dark part of society isn't helping me with this and I'm going to a really sad place. Suggestions, other than medication which in my experience is snake-oil to feed the big pharma machine? {How's that for a unabomber-esque ending?} I've never felt so helpless and those babies....
Originally Posted By gottaluvdavillains Sounds like Croc's sister needs therapy more than Croc!! When you see the kids tell them you love them and miss them - that's really all you can do.
Originally Posted By crazycroc I agree...since she's behaving borderline-ish...I wonder if she's waiting for me to do the "dramatic" last minute vow of love or something like that.
Originally Posted By gottaluvdavillains I would say if you play into her game it could affect your family in possibly a bad way - You probably need to take a step back wait for the daycare thing to run it's course and welcome the babies back!
Originally Posted By gottaluvdavillains I would also say if she asks you to watch them for a couple hours here or there - take it - in that time you can reassure the kids you love them with your time and attention - without stooping to the mothers level and being nasty!
Originally Posted By crazycroc You're right, gottaluv. Step back, let her bad decisions run the course, and then welcome the kids back. Because she does make bad, bad decisions. I knew I loved the kids, but it feels like I got a divorce or something.
Originally Posted By gottaluvdavillains i used to watch my best friends kids - and even though it was best for me to step back and for them to get an au pair (my choice to not watch them anymore)... It was painful to see them with someone else! These are your family though - no matter what that will be a fact that she cannot deny! The kids know in there heart and souls that you truely love them!
Originally Posted By crazycroc I'm not trying to be nasty, I really don't want the kids to have that confusion as to why we aren't around as much. The only other time my wife has been away from the 3 year old was a week about six months ago, and the kid seemed genuinely confused for a few days, when we returned, like we were ghosts or something. But, point taken, don't do anything that could be even slightly construed as nasty or vindictave.
Originally Posted By gottaluvdavillains I didn't mean you were being nasty - I meant she was - I only meant by being there for them when you are allowed (I know crazy that after all this time that it could be that way) is the best way to let the kids know you have not abandoned them and still love and care about them!! You nasty - never... maybe sometimes a bit smelly and odd (apple sacks anyone)! You can see in your writing you truely love and care for these children...
Originally Posted By smedley Croc, I am very sad to hear this. I don't have kids, but villains advice sounds good, take them for the odd couple of hours, but allow the mother to work through her problem herself and maybe she will figure it out. Sounds almost to me as if she is jealous of the bond you guys have with them. On the job front, could you explain to them just how keen you are to take the position, but that due to family circumstances you could use a couple of weeks before you start? Surely they could be understanding of that?
Originally Posted By Tiggirl Crazy Croc... what a rotten situation. I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this. Villains' advice sounds very logical and if there is one thing I know... its that Villains gives great advice. I'm hoping everything works out for the best soon. And feel free to come here and vent whenever needed. Sometimes that is the very best therapy. ) ~Beth
Originally Posted By SoThisIsLove Being a mom of seven in no way qualifies me to even tie those sweet kids' shoes, crazycroc. But I appreciate your trust in me. xoxo How heartbreaking for you and your wife, let alone those sweet kids. Is this attitude shift with your sister recent or has she always had "issues"? Did it just finally reach a head at the DL trip or was it a slow and steady rise until then? Not knowing you guys (or your sister's mental/emotional history), and definitely not being a professional anything, but...being employed at a police station, well...the first thing I thought of was drugs. Somebody had a similar situation here on LP a few months ago and for the life of me, I cannot remember who it was and what the resolution was. (If you're reading this, please chime in and help us) davewasbaloo and other professionals will have some valuable, practical real-world advice to offer, too, I am quite sure. As Villains said and you already know: the kids come first. They are just innocent pawns and have no clue what is going on other than they love you both and they miss you. How heartbreaking! Whatever you and your wife can do to ease the situation if you are ever allowed to care for the kids again, I know you two will do, and do very well. But, as long as she has the legal custody of the kids....wow. Your hands are tied. My advice right now, but perhaps I'll need to read your posts again for perfect understanding, in case I missed a crucial point, is to go on with your life in the meantime. Unless there is a concrete sign these little ones will be permanently in your life again, I would go ahead and accept that job. {{{crazycroc, his princess, and those precious children}}} The good thing is that someday these little ones will be all grown up and you will be able to have a healthy, loving relationship, free from parental interference. Until then, you all will be in my heart. xoxo
Originally Posted By lilgoofymom Your sister is having a major problem. I cannot, for the life of me, figure out how she thinks a day care could possibly be better than an Uncle and Aunt who obviously loves them dearly. I agree with the other advice you are getting. Take what time you can have with the kids. Maybe your sister will come to her senses soon.
Originally Posted By llanatoye Crazycroc my heart breaks for you. You cared for these kids out of the goodness of your heart. It sounds to me like your sister is jealous of the attachment her kids have to you and your wife. And thats just the tip of the iceberg, it appears that she has many issues. I, like STIL am not a professional but I know the folks here at LP will love, encourage and be with you through this horrible situation.
Originally Posted By Jim in Merced CA crazycroc, I understand the gut-level emotion where you're coming from. Ultimately, they're your sister's children, and the decision is up to her. It does sound like she's playing head games with you, and wants you to feel guilty and upset and confused. Quick question -- if I'm out of line, please just say so -- was your sister paying you to look after her kids?
Originally Posted By LadyKluck Ugh what a horrible situation to be in! As a parent who has done everything humanly possible to keep my kids OUT of daycare I can't even imagine intentionally taking them away from family members to stick them in a room full of total strangers just to train them to not cry when you leave?? What the.... One of the girls on my team at work is actually flying to North Carolina next month to take her niece away from her sister because of a situation similar to this. I'm not saying that's the solution for you crazycroc, I just know how difficult it must be for you. I wholeheartedly agree with villains, any chance your sister gives you to take the kids, even if its just for an hour while she goes to get her hair done, do it - because lord knows what she's telling them if you don't. "Uncle Crazycroc doesn't love you anymore" "they don't want you to come over anymore" - sorry I've lived that situation firsthand and it's the worst feeling in the world and something you don't get over very easy!! (((HUGS)))
Originally Posted By crazycroc No, we weren't getting paid. We were buying the milk and the diapers and stuff.
Originally Posted By SoThisIsLove Wow, crazycroc. You'll need to change your screen name, soon. You don't wear that name so well anymore. {{{sweetcroc}}}
