Originally Posted By RoadTrip Four years ago my little brother died of pancreatic cancer. A year and a half ago my wife Rosie died of colon cancer. Now my mother has been diagnosed with a tumor on her pancreas, which is more than likely pancreatic cancer. After a while you start to get numb to this stuff. I guess she is 84 and had to die of something sometime soon anyway. I was heavily involved with caring for my brother and the ONLY family member involved with caring for Rosie after we moved to Missouri. I know this sounds incredibly selfish, but I am so relieved that this time much of the responsibility will fall on my sister who lives in Dallas, which is where my mom lives.
Originally Posted By friendofdd Hi, RT. It doesn't sound selfish to me. I am sorry to hear of this additional grief in your life.
Originally Posted By friendofdd Hi, RT. It doesn't sound selfish to me. I am sorry to hear of this additional grief in your life.
Originally Posted By friendofdd Sorry for the double post. I was just trying to say it is good to see you post again.
Originally Posted By TomSawyer I'm sorry to hear that, RT. You don't sound selfish at all - you sound like a veteran being asked to hit the beach again. Resigned, but ready. Be sure to keep on top of your physicals and make sure that your doctor knows your family history on this. Take care of yourself.
Originally Posted By Kar2oonMan I'm so very sorry to hear this, RT. My thoughts and prayers to you and your mom.
Originally Posted By RoadTrip <<I'm sorry to hear that, RT. You don't sound selfish at all - you sound like a veteran being asked to hit the beach again. Resigned, but ready.>> That is really the case. I lost a little brother that should have never died before me. I lost a wife that was the love of my life for 30 years. Nothing that happens now can hurt me more than I've been hurt. I've also found through painful experience that a cancer death is likely more difficult for the family than the loved one. Between the disease and the heavy pain medications neither my brother nor Rosie had much awareness of the final months of their life. Unfortunately I was totally aware of every minute. It was horrendously difficult then, but now I am secure in the knowledge that my mother will not suffer. That means a lot.
Originally Posted By FenwayGirl Sorry to hear the news..I also lost a family member to pancreatic cancer. It was my mother. She and my Dad lived with our family and we too had most of the care. It is a difficult job, but I can look in the mirror and know that we did everything for her that she wanted.
Originally Posted By SingleParkPassholder I know exactly what you mean, Road Trip. My father in law is entering his 11th year of Alzheimer's. Eleven freaking years. It would be better for everyone if he just didn't wake up one day, like today hopefully. He's been in a facility two years now. The damage it has done to him is one insidious thing, but what it has done to my mother in law emotionally, physically and not to mention financially has yet to be calculated. The caregivers often suffer just as much, sometimes maybe even more.
Originally Posted By TXDISNEYNERD I lost my father to prostate cancer. I lost my FIL a year ago to Parkinsons. It was hard, but I didn't quite realize what my Mom and my MIL went thru taking care of their husbands. Now my MIL has AML which has not responded to all of the chemo. Now my DH and I are having to take care of things and it is exhausting. So no, I don't think you are being selfish. You have dealt with this previously and know what is involved and since there is someone else who is in a better position to take care of your Mom, I think relief is understandable. Sorry to hear about your Mom though. Cancer sucks!
Originally Posted By Princessjenn5795 You are not being selfish...people can only take on so much. I helped my dad and stepmom care for my grandfather for the last few months of his life and it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Watching a loved one slowly and painfully fade away is so hard. I am so sorry to hear about your mom. My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your family.
Originally Posted By tashajilek I am so sorry RT. Even though your mother is 84 it's still hard to deal with.
Originally Posted By RoadTrip Thanks for all of your kind comments. It all just starts to be rather exhausting after a while. I still feel kind of selfish for being so relieved that it won't all fall on me this time. I've also had Ann's niece and her niece’s daughter living with us for the last six months. Ann would have NEVER asked for that… I offered when I found out they were going to be homeless at the end of last September after two years of unemployment. Her niece has done wonderfully... she found employment shortly after moving in with us and has started college. She saved money to buy a car and is now saving money to get her own place... they should be on their own in a few more months. I like to help when I can. It just gets tiring after a while.
Originally Posted By mele I'm so sorry, RT. You are not being selfish. You really can only give so much.
Originally Posted By iamsally I am so sorry to hear this RT. I have sometimes felt guilty for saying I am happy my father went so quickly. (pancreatic cancer) It was very aggressive and was like two weeks from diagnoses to death. I miss him terribly but still am grateful that neither he nor we had to suffer the indignities of a lengthy cancer death. You are not being selfish. It is good that there is someone else to take on the responsibility. I know as we get older it just seems like everyone around us starts dying. We attended a funeral for our next-door-neighbor of over 30 years last week. It hit me harder than I expected as she was quite old and ready to go. We will keep you and Ann in our thoughts as you go through this difficult time.
Originally Posted By vbdad55 RT- I would never put selfish and you in the same sentence knowing all you have endured in a short period of time. I am sorry for the news.
Originally Posted By TINK-MOBILE Road Trip my Friend....Hang in there... We do not know, what each day shall bring to us....I do know that The Lord shall give us no more than we can carry...our over burdens he shall carry for us...I am sure there is a reason that you now find yourself not in the thick of things..perhaps the Lord needs you too share the Loving heart..wisdom ..care... that you have towards your family from a far...I shall pray for healing of your Mother, God Love her...no matter how old we become....our memories stay forever young...I shall also pray for her doctors to stay alert and carefully watch over her, also that they may help to release the cures for such things...if they have knowledge ..in the mean time my Friend , Prayer can move mountains , while some of our prayers are not answered in the way we would like them to be, some are...I pray that your Mothers health returns once more... Hugs from your Friend TM oxoxoxox
Originally Posted By avimagine Perhaps you've noticed I've been posting this phrase quite a bit someplace else "grrrr argh". This is another situation where this applies. While not quite the same I feel your pain, i'm also dealing with a situation and know how much it can drain you. This would have been round 3 for you. I don't think I'd be able to handle round 2. Keep on Chargin', Keep on goin'. This is enough to drive you crazy. You care, it makes it that much harder. You aren't being selfish. You're showing your a compassionate caring human who takes things to heart. Not some cold ruthless uh wait can't say that here.
Originally Posted By disneylandfan8 Hugs to you, RT. Going through this cancer process is exhausting, painful, infuriating, etc. and I am glad you will not be the sole provider of comfort and support. You will have words of wisdom and experience to help your sister. My grandfather was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and died within one month. I can only hope that if there is nothing that can be done, that it be done quickly and peacefully. To see one's loved one suffer is the ultimate painful experience. I know.
