Originally Posted By KatieKate123 So as I look past the eight months without Bernardo, I realize that I am stronger than I thought I could ever be. The only real issue is every day I walk in the house hoping he is here. Every night I listen for the door to open. Yes I do know that this isn't going to happen but that does not make it any easier. Also there are moments in my life that for no unknown reason I start to cry and feel lonely. Like today at work we got 124 cars and everyone was really excited but I ended up crying and wishing I could come home and tell Bernardo all about it. Funny huh? Or sometimes when a song comes on the radio it makes me cry. My question for is everyone is that am I weird? It seems to me like after 8 months things should get easier. I started smoking again too a few months ago, and this really makes me mad at myself so I plan on quitting on Saturday but what should I do about that. Any suggestions. Thanks for letting me vent.
Originally Posted By Goofyernmost All I can say to you, and it probably won't matter, is I was married for 29 years. After our children were married, she just up and walked out on me. No reason, just felt that I was bringing her down. Maybe I'm lucky because I never measured my own self worth based on whether or not one specific individual was in my life. Was I hurt? You bet I was! Was I bitter? Oh, yea! Did I want her back? No way! When she showed me how little she respected me or my feelings all the emotions of "need" left with her. Twelve years have passed since then. I see her occasionally, in fact, this weekend I am flying to Vermont to help move her stuff here to NC, because my/her children are worried about her being alone and aging. If I never saw her again...that would be OK with me because, simply, she lost her right for me to care about what happened to her, the day she walked out. I made my mind up that I would much rather be alone then to be with someone that cared so little about me or my feelings that she could use me as something that worked for her until I didn't anymore. Then like a bag of garbage I was left behind. I, frankly, do not understand how anyone can still have such strong feelings for someone that treated them so badly, like they had no worth at all. My life took so many positive turns after that simply because I was free to shape my own life and future without having to fit it in with someone else's needs.
Originally Posted By wahooskipper I think what you are going through is not unlike experiencing the death of a spouse. And, in most cases, that mourning and healing process takes at least a full year. A year of birthdays, holidays, and other events to come and go...reminding you, painfully, of what is missing in your life. But, then, the year passes and it gets a little easier. Your heart opens up to the idea of someone new. And, you move on. I hope that is where you will be soon.
Originally Posted By KatieKate123 I totally agree. I wish that I could say that he just walked out but thats my problem. I know he was deported and didn't leave on his own want. This makes it harder b/c I still think that something happened to him and that he is in trouble somewhere. I hope that in a few months I feel better. I used to miss him every moment I was awake but now it feels like it's a little farther apart but I still think of him daily. It's not that I am depressed per say its just that I am truly worried about him.
Originally Posted By disney pete Katie it's bad that you have started smoking but it probably helps you through this,you have done well to come this far and you are there for your girls so pat yourself on the back hun.
Originally Posted By davewasbaloo Katie, very best of luck. You seem to be doing well, and what you are saying does not sound wierd to me in the slightest.
Originally Posted By 999HAUNTS Wait - I though your husband went to Mexico on a business trip and went missing. He was deported? Are you working with authorities to get him back? Was your FBI relative able to help you out at all?
Originally Posted By Goofyernmost Sorry, I guess I didn't understand the circumstances of your problem. I hope that something will get resolved soon, it is hard to not know. I thought I had followed this but apparently I missed an important part of it. Again...sorry!
Originally Posted By KatieKate123 NO problem. I am not sure what I put at first, I didn't really want everyone knowing he was deported when it first happened but I don't care about that anymore. The fbi and the mexican embassy are looking for him. No one can find him here or there. Its been a hard road.
Originally Posted By imadisneygal I'm sorry to hear about your situation, Katie. And yes, your original story was that he just walked out on you without warning. If he was deported that's nothing for you to be ashamed of. I'm not sure why the FBI would be looking for him if he was deported unless he's having legal issues here in the States. I hope you're able to find some peace with your life and your kiddos. Hang in there!
Originally Posted By imadisneygal I'm sorry to hear about your situation, Katie. And yes, your original story was that he just walked out on you without warning. If he was deported that's nothing for you to be ashamed of. I'm not sure why the FBI would be looking for him if he was deported unless he's having legal issues here in the States. I hope you're able to find some peace with your life and your kiddos. Hang in there!
Originally Posted By imadisneygal Oh! I'm sorry, I just read that you have a contact in the FBI who is helping you locate him. I'm sorry I misunderstood. I hope they are able to help you.
Originally Posted By iamsally I think the one year mark is an important milestone. You have really come a long way in a relatively short time. The smoking is really too bad. I know how long it took my sister to finally quit the second time. But I understand. Even though things like that only make matters worse in the long run; I myself can down a whole box of See's candy when stressed out. (Never been a smoker.) Good luck and things will improve.
Originally Posted By 999HAUNTS She did. Folks spent weeks giving words of encouragement that he might show up and all along she knew what had happened to her husband. He didnt abandon her out of the blue. He was here illegally and was deported.
Originally Posted By imadisneygal Yes, I am feeling a bit of that as well. Many people offered heartfelt support. There's no reason to lie, but she did anyway.
Originally Posted By KCCHIEF I want you to know that for myself.....I worried about you for weeks and I relived what happen to me (my husband really did walk out the door)....and I felt so bad for you ..... tot the point I was angry at what others said to you......I feel stupid now.
Originally Posted By SingleParkPassholder I'll add to the chorus. She never said a word about the guy being deported. She said he simply disappeared and she had no idea where he was. Original link: <a href="http://mb.laughingplace.com/MsgBoard-T-120575-P-1.asp" target="_blank">http://mb.laughingplace.com/Ms...-P-1.asp</a> First post: "Please keep my girls in your prayers, their names are Gabby and Elizabeth. As most of you know I don't have a very good family relationship and the one thing that was keeping me going strong was my husband. Well that guy lied to me, and for the past 7 years used me. He went to Mexico on Monday and he hasn't called me since. So you might say I am jumping to conclusions to think he's not coming back, but I just have this feeling. I don't know what it is but I just have a feeling that he's gone. Maybe it's the fact all of his important papers are gone, or the fact that he deleted his brothers phone number out of his phone, or the fact that I have no way to contact him. My girls keep saying mom you are smart find him, I wish it was this easy, but what am I supossed to do?" Post 13: "He is from Mexico, we were getting along. At least I thought so. I have been talking to his boss every night which has been helping. His boss keeps telling me he is probably drunk, and that he just feels bad for not calling me which is why he isn't calling me but that he should call me b/f I know it. Also he is supossed to be back on July 24th, but he was also supossed to call me on Tuesday or Wednesday of this past week. We actually have never shared bank accounts or anything and have always had seperate accounts, and he left me his bank card so that I could get money out when his check went in since I recently lost my job, so it's not about the money. I just hate not knowing whats going on. If I just knew he was ok, I would be ok." ------------------------------- I've lived by a saying- "tell the truth, it's the only story you have to remember." That would have helped here. Here's one last bit of advice- get some psychological help for yourself. You obviously need it.
Originally Posted By RoadTrip I'm not sure we are getting the straight story now. It seems to change so often. I'm not going to dump on her about it though. I know how hurt I was several years ago when I felt many here had misjudged my actions and motives. I think it is very possible that her husband returned to Mexico on his own and has not contacted Katie because he does NOT WANT to contact Katie, and she finds it impossible to accept that. If that is the case I think she deserves our sympathy and understanding, not our scorn.
Originally Posted By RoadTrip If she is making up things and posting them that is certainly not a good thing, but the human mind will go to great lengths to avoid accepting a truth we find intolerable.
