Originally Posted By KCCHIEF so my ex-husband has been broken up with the woman that he left me for ....for about 2 months ....and he calls me constantly...begging me and crying...wanting to "try to make it work". I have no idea why I even take his calls .........because everytime I talk to him....I become emotional. He says that he has changed and that "she" is the biggest mistake of his life. I remind him of how unhappy he seemed to be while we were married and he says no, he wasn't unhappy.......he misses me and the kids terribly and this would never happen again. It doesn't really matter what he says....I know I can never attempt at a relationship with him again. I know myself well enough that I know I do not want to live like that again....(constant fear of saying or doing the wrong thing and upsetting him)...but, the truth is ...I realize people cheat and couples still work it out. But, our situation was different...he just walked out the door and I had no idea he even was seeing someone else....he let me file for divorce and it just all went to far. I know I could never forget how bad I felt last summer when all of this happened.
Originally Posted By RoadTrip An affair may be forgivable depending on circumstances. Walking out is not. There is no way he can claim it was a "moment of weakness" resulting in a one-night affair. You don't walk out without considering the potential ramifications very carefully. Now it didn't work out, he doesn't like being alone and he wants you back. Your response is exactly right. I don't know what makes him the bigger jerk... walking out in the first place or wanting to come back when things with his little hotsie totsie didn't work out. In my book the man deserves to be Bobbitted.
Originally Posted By smedley Well I would add something, but Roadtrip pretty much has my thoughts covered. So what he said
Originally Posted By beamerdog Stand your ground, KC. >> You don't walk out without considering the potential ramifications very carefully.<< I wish you had been around to talk to my husband 2 years ago. *sigh*
Originally Posted By Sara Tonin KC, my mama told me to never cry over someone who wouldn't cry over me...and to definatly not cry over them more than once!
Originally Posted By KCCHIEF Sara-----I agree with your mom.....I was heartbroken over this .......and I cried alot. It is 9 months later and I am doing so much better. I think not knowing why he left made things worse, even though my family says they are glad that at the time---I did not know about the other woman. I feel foolish...I should have known.....he had some of the signs of something going on....but, I trusted him like I have never trusted anyone else.....and quite frankly, I was in denial....I wanted the marriage to last---NO MATTER WHAT.....I have gone to Divorce Recovery classes and I have since found out that I am not "crazy"....that other people have gone thru the same feeling that I went thru.....
Originally Posted By SoThisIsLove {{{KCCHIEF}}} Stay strong, sweetie. As they say: "Don't worry about the people in your past...there's a reason they didn't make it to your future."
Originally Posted By Pixie Glitter What a contemptible little toad your ex is. I echo what everyone else said above.
Originally Posted By Pixie Glitter Oh, one more thing. It really sounds like talking to him is not the healthiest thing for you. I highly recommend you stop taking his calls. I wouldn't even listen to his voice mails if I were you. You might eventually work out an amicable relationship, but while this is all so fresh and you say talking to him makes you emotional, I'd avoid it. Like the plague.
Originally Posted By disney pete kc take every bit of advice your LP friends give you here they are all right it was hard to have your heart broken once don't let it happen again,i would stop taking his calls aswell be strong because you are the better person here.
Originally Posted By Labuda Just my $.02 here, but I think Pixie is very wise and you should follow her advice from post #10 as best you can. I know it may be difficult since there are kids involved, but if he's NOT talking to you about something that has to do with your children, hang up. For those who didn't know this - my ex tried pulling the same thing last fall with me, shortly after we split. I put a stop to that REAL quick.
Originally Posted By LuLu Wow, great advice here! So sorry to hear of what you're going thru, KC. Hang in there and be strong!
Originally Posted By LPFan22 Stay strong KC! He willingly walked away from a good thing. It was his choice to stray and give you up. Please put yourself first in this situation.
Originally Posted By Inspector 57 <<I know myself well enough that I know I do not want to live like that again....(constant fear of saying or doing the wrong thing and upsetting him)>> Thank GOD he left you! Do NOT take him back. Wait. Sorry. Let me not be so judgemental. This is not about me, it's about you. So... YOU decide: Is is normal and good and healthy that the predominant emotion in a relationship is fear? that a woman should live in constant worry that she will fail to meet the demands of her "partner"?
Originally Posted By murfsmom So he found out the grass is not greener on the other side boo hoo !! You stand your ground,don't fall for any of his sweet talk, He made the decision to walk away let him deal with it ! Each day is going to be a little easier, NO one should EVER have to live their life with someone being scared that you might say or do the wrong thing ! Embrace your freedom !!!!!!!!! And start enjoying life again !!
Originally Posted By Sara Tonin KC, whatever you decide to do, your LP friends are on your side 100%.
Originally Posted By KCCHIEF beamerdog...I found the Divorce Recovery class that I took at a local church...not one that I went to....but, I really learned alot. I was almost in another world when all of this happened....and the support of those people and venting on this site "saved me".....I really mean that. The counselor still calls and checks up on me......but, you have to remember when I went thru the classes....at the time...I didn't even know the truth behind why he had left. Looking back now, I don't think he would have ever told me about her....quite by chance, that I did......and I do thank him every once in awhile for leaving me....I tell him...."that is the best thing that you ever did for me"......and he gets pissed...
Originally Posted By amazedncal2 What you are going through sounds very much like what my sister went through a few years back as well as my MIL years and years ago. I agree that unless you need to talk to him about the children, DON'T have any form of conversation. His charm may start weaseling in one day and you may still be vulnerable. You are doing so well and I "know" that you never want to go back to that deep dark place again. Look forward to the wonderful life ahead of you
