Originally Posted By BlueDevilSF I saw this over the weekend, and I thought it was a very interesting article. <a href="http://www.twincities.com/ci_6761968" target="_blank">http://www.twincities.com/ci_6 761968</a> "Are we teaching children that men are out to hurt them? The answer, on many fronts, is yes. Child advocate John Walsh advises parents to never hire a male baby sitter. Airlines are placing unaccompanied minors with female passengers rather than male passengers. Soccer leagues are telling male coaches not to touch players. "Child-welfare groups say these are necessary precautions, given that most predators are male. But fathers' rights activists and educators now argue that an inflated predator panic is damaging men's relationships with kids. Some men are opting not to get involved with children at all, which partly explains why many youth groups can't find male leaders, and why just 9 percent of elementary-school teachers are male, down from 18 percent in 1981. "People assume that all men "have the potential for violence and sexual aggressiveness," says Peter Stearns, a George Mason University professor who studies fear and anxiety. Kids end up viewing every male stranger "as a potential evil-doer," he says, and as a byproduct, "there's an overconfidence in female virtues." I would never say that a parent shouldn't be vigilant, but I would have to say that there is a point when it goes overboard.
Originally Posted By RoadTrip <<I would never say that a parent shouldn't be vigilant, but I would have to say that there is a point when it goes overboard.>> Absolutely... things have gone way over the edge. What makes it especially ironic is that study after study shows that young people, especially young males, are negatively impacted by the lack of an adult male in their life. It also seems rather silly since about 50% of the teacher abuse cases in this area lately have involved female teachers and male students.
Originally Posted By BlueDevilSF I used to smile at cute babies and/or compliment the mothers. After a couple incidents where I was looked at like I was going to steal the baby, I stopped.
Originally Posted By wonderingalice The last flight I was on, I took an aisle seat and a women scooted into window seat. Moments later, a flight attendant came to us and asked if a sweet nine-year-old girl (who was traveling alone) could sit with us - specifically because they wanted to place her with two ladies. Although I knew 'why' (they didn't want to risk anything - isn't that a terrible assumption??), I never thought of a 'fear' thing on the part of the little girl... Just that she would feel more comfortable.
Originally Posted By vbdad55 <Soccer leagues are telling male coaches not to touch players< both my daughters have played club volleyball over the past 10 + years and the leagues also have no touch policies for ALL coaches - not just male. As for the teaching issue - I blame college counselors - who still to this day steer men away from the profession - in my day we were told you could never make a living ( and yet I have retired friends who bucked the trend - became teachers and administrators and have a nice pension - while my business job no longer has a pension). My daughters boyfriend in college was told last year that he should return to marketing if he wants tomake a decent living ( he changed over to education last year). That is where the issue starts and I agree - since kids see far less males in teaching roles in grade school, it makes it seem odder. When my oldest went into 2nd grade (15 years ago) - she was assigned a male teacher and it as like the end of the world when she found out -- it took a while to get used to for her - ( yet she had no trouble accepting a male principal - interesting I thought ) -
Originally Posted By mele I haven't taught my children to be afraid of men but I understand why there is a trend of women and children being fearful of men. Nearly every single female friend I have ever had was molested as a child. Every 2.5 minutes someone is sexually assaulted in America. In 2004-2005, there were an average annual 200,780 victims of rape, attempted rape or sexual assault and many rapes aren't even reported. Every day four women die in this country as a result of domestic violence (according to some online data I found). To the many good men in this country, being feared is sad and insulting but most women have had very real experiences with men being aggressive, either sexually or out of anger. It's not something that women have made up out of some twisted form of women's liberation. In the last few decades, women have been able to express their opinions on things, allowed to be more honest about the things they go through. I'm sure some people will be offended by what I've said but I know the things I have experienced (molestation, rape, domestic violence) and I'm teaching my children to not commit these things or allow anyone to commit them against them. I haven't taught them to be fearful but made a clear picture of what is right and what is wrong. Thankfully my children have good men in their lives who lead by example.
Originally Posted By mele Oops, forgot to say that i know that women commit violent crimes and sexual crimes. The numbers are on the rise but they are still nowhere near the levels that men commit.
Originally Posted By RoadTrip ^^^ I'm sure your statistics are correct but I still see no reason to fear men in situations like sitting on an airplane or coaching a soccer team. Sexual abuse and violence are far more likely to be perpetrated by a relative or spouse/boyfriend than by anyone else
Originally Posted By mele There have been many instances of coaches having sexual relationships with their young players. My husband worked with a guy who was a coach for the Boys & Girls Club and had sex with at least 2 of his young players. I'd be more worried about a coach than a teacher. When I was in elementary school I had men walk up to me at the grocery store and hit on me. Kids get approached everywhere, why would a coach or someone sitting in an airplane be any different? RT, I'm curious, would you let your 9 year old sit between 2 men (strangers) on an airplane? (I doubt I'd put my kid on a plane by themselves at all.)
Originally Posted By ecdc I'm with RT. We hear horrible statstics about violent crime and assume we could be victims. Most crime has stayed the same or gone down in our country, while 24 hour cable news has increased coverage of crime by nearly 500%. Replace the statistics about crime and men with statistics about car accidents. We're much more likely to be hurt or killed in a car accident than be victims of sexual assault. But like everything in life, we take calculated risks and add innovations to reduce the risk, like seatbelts and airbags. But we don't cut it out completely. I certainly wouldn't recommend going to a frat party alone and getting completely smashed. But putting kids with women-only on flights? We've taken our paranoia and victim mentality way too far. And that isn't meant to be disrespectful to real victims of what is a heinous crime. But there has to be some perspective.
Originally Posted By RoadTrip <<RT, I'm curious, would you let your 9 year old sit between 2 men (strangers) on an airplane? (I doubt I'd put my kid on a plane by themselves at all.)>> Yes, I think I would. With the Flight Attendants constantly going up and down the aisle and passengers much more attuned to their surrounding and willing to say something since 911 I think the chance of any problem is very remote. I believe airlines require that an adult responsible for the child be present at the gate at both ends of the flight, and that the child is accompanied by airline personnel between the gate and the aircraft. I really wouldn't have a problem with it.
Originally Posted By mele See, that's kind of the point. Men who would never hurt a woman or child think this is going too far but the millions of children and women who are hurt by men (even if it's men they know, it's impossible to not have your feelings about men altered) have different opinions. I'm not saying you're wrong. I'm just saying that sexual abuse happens so very much, so much that nearly every single girl/woman I have ever known has been abused, that there is bound to be some backlash. Again, men who haven't hurt a woman or child might not realize how prevalent it really is.
Originally Posted By RoadTrip <<Again, men who haven't hurt a woman or child might not realize how prevalent it really is.>> I'm pretty aware of how prevalent it is... both my ex-wife and one of my sisters have been forcibly raped by strangers. Both of those instances occurred in dark parking lots fairly late in the evening when no one else was around. I have to believe women and children are vastly safer on a brightly lit plane filled with people.
Originally Posted By mele Okay, I get the plane issue. Yes, it's extreme, but what about the larger issue of children being raised to be fearful of men? And I remember you telling me about your ex-wife's experiences and meant to say that I know how much it impacted your life as well as hers. I'm so sorry for that. I am so thankful that there are millions and millions of men who really cannot fathom the things done to women and children. You guys don't get enough press.
Originally Posted By RoadTrip <<Yes, it's extreme, but what about the larger issue of children being raised to be fearful of men?>> I just can't believe that raising kids to be fearful of men accomplishes anything in the long term. Wouldn't we better off raising boys to become men that women and children don't need to fear?
Originally Posted By mele Of course. Nobody flourishes under fear. I'm just wondering how to properly teach children what to watch out for w/o teaching them to fear men. I'm sure some parents are too extreme and scare the daylights out of their children and other parents don't do enough to protect their children. I know I don't have all (or even any) of the answers but it would be interesting to hear what other people think about it.
Originally Posted By vbdad55 On the coaching issue - ( having been a coach for a while and knowing many who are) - parenting is still important - especially watchful at certain ages -- I understand what you are saying Mele, and the % of people you know who have had bad things happen does stagger my mind- but I do believe you... but for coaches, parents still need to watch over what is going on - be cognizant of comments / conversations - no different than relatives or strangers or anyone - ones parental radar needs to be on all the time - however many parents treat club/organized sports as babysitting - they drop kids off - hand them a check and a whole season goes by many times and no one comes to watch some kids play. These same parents are the ones who are supposed to pick up their childrenb at 6 and show up at 6:45 or so - when their 'me' time is over..... I am willing to bet this also contributes to the odds of having something happen.... no matter what, it is a scary world out there and it is a fine line between keeping your kids vigilant and having them become neurotic and homebound.
Originally Posted By peeaanuut I think we need to teach children to be more aware of their surroundings. Kind of an "always have an out" theory. Teach them the signs and indicators of a problem and of course dont put them in situations that the probability is super high of an incident, such as a park bathroom on a weekday when noone is around.
