Originally Posted By TALL Disney Guy ORANGO ISLAND, Guinea-Bissau (AP) -- He was 14 when the girl entered his grass-covered hut and placed a plate in front of him containing an ancient recipe. Like all men on this African isle, Carvadju Jose Nananghe knew exactly what it meant. Refusing was not an option. His heart pounding, he lifted the steaming fish to his lips, agreeing in one bite to marry the girl. "I had no feelings for her," said Nananghe, now 65. "Then when I ate this meal, it was like lightning. I wanted only her." In this archipelago of 50 islands of pale blue water off the western rim of Africa, it's women, not men, who choose. They make their proposals public by offering their grooms-to-be a dish of distinctively prepared fish, marinated in red palm oil. It's the equivalent of a man bending on one knee and offering a woman a diamond ring, except that in one of the world's matriarchal cultures, it's women who do the asking, and once they have, men are powerless to say no. To have refused, explained the old man remembering the day half a century ago, would have dishonored his family -- and in any case, why would he want to choose his own wife? "Love comes first into the heart of the woman," explained Nananghe. "Once it's in the woman, only then can it jump into the man." <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/africa/02/01/guinea.marriage.ap/index.html" target="_blank">http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/ africa/02/01/guinea.marriage.ap/index.html</a> ---------------- That last quote is very interesting (though sexist). Does our society have it wrong? Why do men propose, anyway? Society tells us that men are generally insecure and nervous about proposing, but the woman being proposed to has it made up in her mind already if she has "chosen" this man to wed---if he eventually asks her. So why not take the pressure off men and let these selecting women let men know when *they* want to marry *them*? Or would the men just run for the hills because generally they wouldn't be at that stage of "Ya know, I really wanna spend the rest of my life with her" when the woman decides the same of him? lol
Originally Posted By Liberty Belle >>That last quote is very interesting (though sexist)<< I don't think I'd describe it as sexist, IMO - just a cultural belief. I personally would never propose, but I know a few women who have (both stories I've heard and people I know personally). I think a lot of the reason why men propose is because women are ready to commit sooner than men a lot of the time and in a *lot* of cases talk of committment from a woman before the man is ready for it can make the man run for the hills! I think in most cases nowadays, the man and woman both decide (together) that they will get engaged long before the man actually gets down on one knee - I don't know many women who were really surprised to be proposed to. Oftentimes the couple shops together for a ring or at least discuss it openly before the actual proposal comes, so for most men it shouldn't be *too* nerve-wracking.
Originally Posted By TALL Disney Guy <I don't think I'd describe it as sexist, IMO - just a cultural belief.> Well, the way he worded, it, especially with the "only then", kinda irked me. As if a man can't love first. <I think in most cases nowadays, the man and woman both decide (together) that they will get engaged long before the man actually gets down on one knee - I don't know many women who were really surprised to be proposed to.> Well, both my mom and sister were completely surprised---no talk of engagement prior (and if you knew my dad you wouldn't be surprised hearin' that, lol). Well okay, my sister and bro-in-law knew they were "the ones", but they never discussed engagement or rings. He was a basketcase that night, and she was "la-dee-da" not suspecting anything, LOL.
Originally Posted By Liberty Belle >>Well, both my mom and sister were completely surprised<< I knew someone would come up with examples to prove me wrong, lol. Well, my two sisters both ring-shopped with their boyfriends and knew they were going to propose before they did it - they just weren't totally sure of "when". I don't believe any of my married cousins (about 10) proposed or were proposed to out of the blue, either. I'm sure it happens - I just think the majority of the time it's discussed beforehand. My father didn't even propose to my mother - they just talked so much about getting married that they started planning a wedding! >>Well, the way he worded, it, especially with the "only then", kinda irked me. As if a man can't love first.<< I get what you mean - I just think it's because of their society and culture and we can't really look at it from "our" point of view. Coming from, say, an American male, it would probably be a bit sexist - but you have to take their culture into account (and understand there's probably a lot of things said and done there that are sexist against women, as well).
Originally Posted By TALL Disney Guy Yeah, I hear ya. <My father didn't even propose to my mother - they just talked so much about getting married that they started planning a wedding!> LOL, I hadn't heard of that one.
Originally Posted By friendofdd Sure makes you wonder 'bout that fish and oil. I'll bet it wouldn't work with ketchup instead.
Originally Posted By RoadTrip I think it is perfectly normal for a woman to take the lead in proposing marriage. It would get the guy used to having his wife control everything after marriage. ;-)
Originally Posted By friendofdd Sorry I made an attempt at humor on this serious subject. DW read it and told me to say it is preferable the woman make all the decisions of importance. Naturally I agree with her.
Originally Posted By Kar2oonMan >>His heart pounding, he lifted the steaming fish to his lips, agreeing in one bite to marry the girl. "I had no feelings for her," said Nananghe, now 65. "Then when I ate this meal, it was like lightning. I wanted only her."<< You don't get that sort of reaction with a serving of Mrs. Paul's Fish Sticks, I bet.
Originally Posted By knightnfrees One may wonder if he met the gill of his dreams. Could the proposal have been on salmon chanted evening?
Originally Posted By TALL Disney Guy LOL@y'all I have some fish sticks in my freezer, but they're from the Gorton's fisherman. However, he did not deliver them personally---and I don't think there are any obligations mentioned on the package (I should double-check though before fixing any).
Originally Posted By knightnfrees <<(I should double-check though before fixing any).>> Do that just for the halibut.
Originally Posted By Kar2oonMan Of course, I meant no disrespect to Mr. Paul. I'm sure he found Mrs. Paul's fish sticks quite delightful.
Originally Posted By TALL Disney Guy I'm sure he's not offended by that remark on his wife's fish sticks, 2oony---after all, he's the one who flounder! ;-)
Originally Posted By knightnfrees <<after all, he's the one who flounder! ;-)>> Oh, Cod. That was good.
Originally Posted By SingleParkPassholder "Of course, I meant no disrespect to Mr. Paul. I'm sure he found Mrs. Paul's fish sticks quite delightful." And we assume, vice versa.
