Originally Posted By x Pirate_Princess x > 1. Only in America ......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. > > 2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. > > 3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. > > 4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a diet coke. > > 5. Only in America ......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. > > 6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. > > 7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. > > 8. Only in America ......do we buy hotdogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. > > 9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'. > > 10. Only in America ......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering. > > EVER WONDER....... > > Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? > > Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? > > Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? > > Why is "abbreviated" such a long word? > > Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? > > Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"? > > Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? > > Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? > > Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? > > Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? > > When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? > > Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? > > Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? > > You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?! > > Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? > > Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? > > If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? > > If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? > > ------------------ > > In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods. > > On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( and that's the only time I have to work on my hair). > > On a bag of Fritos:! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.Details inside. (the shoplifter special)? > > On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....) > > On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion). > > On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)! > > On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:"Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...) > > On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this ! save me more time)? > > On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) > > On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....) > > On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what)? > > On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) > > On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash) > > On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?) > > On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company, I blame the parents for this one.) > > On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?) > > Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the >stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...in other words send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while.
