Originally Posted By RL1076 I have a friend at work. Her son was driving while under the influence, and he supposedly stopped at a stop sign, didn't see the other car coming, and proceeded through the stop sign where he either hit the other car, or the other car hit him. Both parties are fine, and according to my coworker, the other driver was also under the influence. I don't know if that is supposed to make people feel better, but OK. So the part that is getting to me is that she is acting like her son is the victim in all of this. She says what a great person he is, how he wouldn't talk to anyone for two weeks cause he was so depressed, and how he has made a complete 180. That's good, and I really hope he has learned his lesson. But my fear is that someday, I will be driving somewhere late at night with my child, and one of these people will hurt or mame me and my child. I don't think that people should get a slap on the wrist when something like this happens. I almost hope that he gets a severe punishment for what he has done. This guy is 30+, still lives at home with his mother and father, and doesn't pay any bills for living there (I know this because she has told me). She is calling her bank this week to determine if she can withdraw the interest from her annuity before it is matured in case she needs to "loan" him money for fines. I really don't feel like she is helping him by bailing him out. Sorry if others disagree with me. All comments are welcome.
Originally Posted By DlandJB She's not doing him any favors. Parents instinctively want to protect their children, but we also have to let them fall on their own faces once in awhile so they can learn that behaviors have consequences. She's not helping him -- she is hurting him...and I hope she can learn to make him stand on his own feet before he hurts someone else. Back when we were teens (this was back when the drinking age was 18) my younger sister came home very drunk and very mean (at least by cab, thank the Lord). She started to say very mean things to my parents. She tried to take the car keys and my Dad took them from her. She was horrible. (and this was not the first time) Finally, she left again in a cab and went to stay at her boyfriend's house. The next morning she called my Dad and apologized. She told him she would be home by such-and-such a time. My Dad said she could not come home until she got help. She was becoming a danger to herself and others and that was not allowed in our home. She was astonished, but she did go get help, and she was away from the house for about a month. When she came back, she had pulled it together. She had a few bumps in the road after that, but grew up to be a very responsible, wonderful adult woman and mother. I think what they did, although it seemed harsh at the time, probably saved her.
Originally Posted By RAM1984 >>She is calling her bank this week to determine if she can withdraw the interest from her annuity before it is matured in case she needs to "loan" him money for fines.<< She needs Alanon NOW!!!!!!! But just like you can't sober up a drunk who isn't ready you cannot help a co-dependant until they reach their own bottom. We have had two cars totaled by drunk drivers so we have zero tolerance. Luckily in both cases we had on seat belts and escaped with sore muscles. For the record, my 31yo son lives with us. He does not drink or smoke, attends university, does his share of housework, pays for rent, utilities and food and watches the place when we are away. Our other son, who we threw out at 18 for being the polar opposite of that, just called the other day in tears cuz his truck had been repo'd. He wanted to borrow $4000 to get it back. He begged and said he would sign anything we asked. I told him he had already signed an agreement with the bank. Long story shorter. I turned him down flat. Tough love is the only way in my book. If he straightens himself out I will be happy but if he does not I will know I did what is right for me. <---*steps off of soapbox* This is one of my buttons. (duh)
Originally Posted By Autopia Deb My cousin was killed by a drunk driver before his 40th birthday. So naturally I have NO tolerance for it. Too bad his mother is being an appologist, she's allowing herself to be victimized by a selfish child. Way to go RAM! I like your style of mothering.
Originally Posted By LuLu I would go even further than saying she's allowing herself to be victimized - it sounds like she's downright created an irresponsible and potentially dangerous member of society. I don't have any past with effects from drunk driving, but lazy, irresponsible parenting is always a hot button for me!
Originally Posted By 4Disnee Thank goodness that they are both ok but I have no tolerance for drunk drivers. I have turned in a few with my onstar on my truck and felt real good about it. If you are going to drink I wish that people would get someone that has not been drinking to drive home so that everyone would be safe. I am always the driver and that is good with me I like to get home safe. My BIL's good friend was killed by a drunk driver and it was very sad he was only 17 and the man that was drunk was driving on the freeway in the fast lane going the wrong way and so the boy and the drunk had a head on crash at 65 miles per hour. It was very sad. The drunk only had a few scratches on him.
Originally Posted By RAM1984 So many people's lives are turned upside down by drunk drivers. My sympathies to all who have been affected. There is just no room in society or on the highways for this behavior. And I am not a teetotaler. I just can't tolerate anyone who gets behind the wheel impaired.
Originally Posted By mele It always seems like the drunk driver walks away with a few scratches after murdering a carload of people. One of life's true injustices.
Originally Posted By TomSawyer I've worked too many accident scenes involving drunk drivers to have any tolerance for it. There is no excuse for drunk driving, period. I'm still haunted by some of the stuff I've seen and some of the stuff I had to do because someone got behind the wheel when they were drunk. Two of the best things I've seen in response to drunk drivers: At one accident scene, the drunk driver was fumbling with his keys trying to start his car to get away. My partner grabbed the keys out of the ignition and threw them in the bean field next to the highway. When the sheriff and troopers showed up, the drunk was out in the field looking for his keys. My boss had no tolerance for drunks - she'd been in an abusive relationship with one for several years. We did safety and first aid classes at the local schools, and she used to tell all of them that if they were going to drink and drive that they should do everyone a favor and not wear their seatbelts. Then she handed out a list of phone numbers of people in the county who volunteered to pick people up and drive them home if they were drunk, no questions asked.
Originally Posted By RL1076 Thanks all for chiming in. I was afraid I was being unfairly harsh, but after reading your responses, I see that my feelings are justified. My co worker is a great lady, but this whole situation has really gotten under my skin. As I said, she is acting as though he is the victim in all of this. I wish that I could somehow make her see what she is doing was wrong, but as RAM1984 said, she needs to realize what she is doing is wrong, and because he is her son she will probably continue defending him.
Originally Posted By Autopia Deb Have her call my aunt and talk to her about how she feels loosing her ONLY son to a drunk driver. Maybe then she'll realize those who get behind the wheel while intoxicated are NOT the victims. <off my soap box now, carry on>
Originally Posted By DVC_dad I would like to weigh in on this thread. First, I have learned that you cannot help people who won't help themselves, therefore, I have no sympathy for the whole LOT of people involved. Second, The mom nor the son are ever going to realize ANYTHING in ANY situation. People like that are never wrong and they never change. It's the REST of the WORLD that is wrong. Third, Forget the noise about him being the victim and the mom being the blame. At some point, you have to realize that you are an adult and that you are now responsible for your own actions. You can only blame upbringing and parents for so much. At age 30 he left this argument long long ago. And finally, if this is your friend, forget trying to help her. There is NOTHING you can do to change a thing. Personally, I would get new friends.
Originally Posted By RAM1984 >>People like that are never wrong and they never change.<< People like that rarely change but when they do it is a wonderful thing to witness. But as stated by myself and others, they have to admit the problem and seek help for themselves and no one else.
Originally Posted By LuLu "A woman speeding on an Orange County freeway while drunk lost control of her luxury sedan and struck a guardrail, tossing her 6-year-old son out of the vehicle and killing him, authorities said today." <a href="http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-080906dui" target="_blank">http://www.latimes.com/news/lo cal/la-080906dui</a>,0,2235913.story?track=mostviewed-homepage
Originally Posted By RAM1984 ^^WOW Lulu, that gave me goose bumps. You just gotta wonder what people are thinking.
Originally Posted By LuLu Sadly, drunk drivers get their due one way or the other. It is bizarre that they seem to rarely be hurt, I've heard it's because they're so relaxed. I don't know how this woman will be able to live with herself. Can you imagine?
Originally Posted By 4Disnee Wow that really stinks. I feel so sorry for the rest of the boys family and the poor little boy. Most of the time when people drive drunk with children in the car the children are not in seat belts. That really makes me sad and tweeked at the same time.
Originally Posted By RAM1984 My worst nightmare has always been losing one of my children. If I were the cause of it I would not be able to live with myself. My father cried (for over 40 years) everytime he had to tell the story of the 5yo boy whose funeral he performed. And back then if I recall, the driver did not even do jail time.
Originally Posted By RAM1984 ^^Suppose I should have mentioned that he was killed by a drunk driver who fled the scene. (We were about the same age.)
