Originally Posted By friendofdd MY DOCTOR Author Unknown Let me tell you about my doctor. He is very good. If you tell him you want a second opinion, he will go out and come in again. He treated one woman for yellow jaundice for three years before he realized she was Chinese. Another time he gave a patient six months to live. At the end of the six months, the patient hadn't paid his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months. While he was talking to me his nurse came in and said, "Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he is invisible." The doctor said, "Tell him I can't see him." Another time a man came running in the office and yelled, "Doctor, doctor, my son just swallowed a roll of film." The doctor calmly replied, "Let's just wait and see what developes." One patient came in and said, "Doctor, I have a serious memory problem." The doctor asked, "When did it start?" The man replied, "When did what start?" I remember one time I told my doctor I had a ringing in my ears. His advice: "Don't answer it." My doctor sure has his share of nut cases. One said to him, "Doctor, I think I'm a bell." The doctor gave him some pills and said, "Here, take these. If they don't work, give me a ring." Another guy told the doctor that he thought he was a deck of cards. The doctor simply said, "Go sit over there. I'll deal with you later." When I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places, he told me to stop going to those places. You know, doctors can be so frustrating. You wait a month and a half for an appointment, he says, "I wish you had come to me sooner."
Originally Posted By Mrs ElderP This one is my favorite: When I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places, he told me to stop going to those places.
Originally Posted By alexbook I went to the doctor. He told me to look out the window and stick out my tongue. I asked why. He said, "I'm mad at my neighbor."
Originally Posted By alexbook On the theory that more is better, here are some doctor jokes stolen from Henny Youngman (who probably stole them from somebody else): I went to the doctor. I said, "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." He said, "Don't do that." I said, "Doctor, my foot huts. What'll I do for it?" He said, "Limp." A man goes to a psychiatrist. The man says, "Nobody talks to me." The doctor says, "Next!" I went to a good doctor. While he was examining me, he grabbed my wallet and said, "Cough!" A doctor called a lady and said, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." She said, "Yes, so did my arthritis." Another man walked into the doctor. The doctor said, "You're gonna live to be sixty." The man said, "I am sixty." The doctor said, "See, what'd I tell you?" A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I'm having trouble at home, with my love life. What'll I do?" The doctor says, "Take off twenty pounds. Run ten miles a day." The man calls the doctor two weeks later and says, "Doc, I took off the twenty pounds. I've been running ten miles a day." "How's your love life?" "I don't know. I'm 140 miles away." The doctor put a stethoscope to my heart. I asked, "Doctor, how do I stand?" He said, "That's what puzzles me." The doctor said to me, "You're pregnant." I asked, "How does a man get pregnant?" He said, "The usual way: a little wine, a little dancing, ..." Another man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says, "You're crazy." The man says, "I want a second opinion." "You're ugly, too."
Originally Posted By Lady Starlight John was a clerk in a small chemist shop but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted. Peter, the owner, had had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last. Just then a man came in coughing and he asked John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might, John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Peter's warning he sold the man a box of laxative pills and told him to take them all at once. The customer did as John said and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post. Peter had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had happened. "He wanted something for his cough but I couldn't find the cough syrup. So I substituted laxatives and told him to take them all at once," John said. "Laxatives won't cure a cough," Peter shouted angrily. "Sure they will," John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post. "Look at him! He's too afraid to cough..."
Originally Posted By markymouse Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news. Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first. Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live. Patient: 24 HOURS! Thats terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What's the very bad news? Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday. --- "Doctor, Doctor, You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking!" "Do you drink a lot?" "Not really - I spill most of it!" --- A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. "What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."
