Originally Posted By iamsally It is so tuff to deal with grief and anger and even fear. It has taken me several days to put this all down. And then I wasn’t sure I wanted to post about it. But my LP family has listened before and I know I can count on that now. My first anger is that my cousin called my sister to tell her that her brother, our cousin, had died. TWO WEEKS prior. To add insult to injury; the funeral was driving distance from my sister. Had I known in time I may have even made the trip to my sister’s and gone with her. Now my grief. He was the only one of our cousins to grow up near us. He and I were very close in our younger and teenage years. The last time I saw him was in 2002 at our Uncle Oak’s funeral. At that time he told me I was the closest thing he had to a sister. (Keep in mind that he HAD a sister.) She was quite a bit older than him and lived with her mother in Denver. I never had a brother so yes; we were more like siblings. His sister just finally lets us know like, ho hum, my brother died. Then, in the same conversation, she tells her that our second cousin has also just died. I was not close to him but I know his mother, my first cousin, has to be beside herself with grief. I still need to get my rear in gear and sent her a card. Now more anger. Both of these men were younger than me. And both of the deaths were drug and alcohol related. Both had been in treatment over their lifetimes. It is such an insidious disease. My cousin’s wife also died a drug related death a few years ago. As well as his mother. Yeah, it does not run in my family, it GALLOPS!!!! His father, my dear Uncle Burt, died 16 years sober. So I have anger and grief and now fear to deal with. I have a son who could easily become one of those statistics. Things are going well right now for him but looking back at my cousins’ lives I see how quickly it can change. I am a long time Alanon so it is not like I think I can fix him. I know I cannot prevent the worst from happening. We are trying to help him with his little family but I can already see patterns starting to repeat themselves. I am at a loss hoping I will do the right things. Actually, what is more important is what you don’t do. Thanks for listening. Ruthie
Originally Posted By mele Oh, Ruthie, I'm so sorry. I know exactly how you are feeling. Sending love and hugs to you.
Originally Posted By iamsally Thanks mele. And thank you for the text. I do not have free texting so I did not answer but I did get it and it was much appreciated.
Originally Posted By smedley I wish I had the words to help iamsally, but all I can offer is a hug and my sympathies. Stay strong.
Originally Posted By Mary Poppins You're under a lot of emotional stress and it's very understandable from what you write. You've been dealing with alcohol and drug addictions for many years now. I can imagine how it feels worrying that your son might succumb to such a fate. It is wrong that you were left out of the loop about your cousin's death, especially since you shared a close bond. I can't offer much in the way of advice except to trust the good Lord that things will turn out for you. {{{{HUGS}}}}
Originally Posted By davewasbaloo Oh Ruthie, big hugs for you my friend. Please know we are here for you if you ever need to talk.
Originally Posted By Disneymom443 I'm so sorry, and want to give you BIG HUGS. Please take care and know that you are doing the best you can with what you have. With your son, all you can do is show him the right way and give all the love you have for him and pray that that will be what keeps him going in the right direction. ((((((hugs))))))
Originally Posted By Mickeymouseclub Family misunderstandings are very painful and difficult to figure out. You are taking the first step towards working this out which is good. I know I always have to keep looking at it from all angles and it can be painful. Good luck and do not give up on family. ANd remember to send that sympathy card.
Originally Posted By amazedncal2 Oh Ruthie. Please know that you (and Rod) are in my thoughts as you work through your grief over your cousin. Alcohol and drug addictions are such insidious diseases but you know that. Sadly I fully understand how you are feeling. Please feel my hugs. Take a deep breath and feel the LP love.
Originally Posted By ophellia I am so sorry you are going through all this...alcohol and drugs has messed so many lives, hurt so many of us...it's such a helpless feeling to know you can't save them isnt it? I've watched as my brother in law and then later my exhusband took the paths of self destuction and both died young. And to be robbed of the feelings of 'closure' that come with a ceremony of goodbye when they die...that's awful! Big hugs to you, it does help to let it all out...
Originally Posted By iamsally Thank you all for the kind words. Reading your post seems to have brought on a catharsis that I must have been avoiding. One of the disadvantages of getting to live a long life is having to watch others die. This communtity is so great to reach out to. Again, thank you all. And thanks for the reminder Mickeymouseclub; I will get that done.
Originally Posted By davewasbaloo Hey Ruthie, it is what makes us strong too, and you m'lady are an inspiration! Love you. Miss you, hugs from my family to you.
Originally Posted By Mary Poppins It does help to share our burdens and cares with caring people. Ophelia was right that drugs and alcohol rob us of the people we love. How do we come to terms with that powerlessness?
Originally Posted By Tandelothien Ruthie I have no words of wisdom to offer you but please know you are in my thoughts and heart {{{Ruthie}}}
Originally Posted By u k fan Ruthie, I'm afraid I can't offer any pearls of wisdom on your situation as it's not a road I've ever had to travel and everyone's roads are different, but I want you to know that here on LP is where all our roads cross and if you ever need a tow there are plenty of people willing to lend a hand. What started out as a nice metaphor about life has possibly turned into the story for Cars 2, but I hope you know what I mean!!!
Originally Posted By liveforvacations I really feel for you iamsally and I can identify with some of the things that you are going through as alcoholism has really affected our family as well! You are obviously a very caring person and I know that you already know this but just keep reminding yourself that you only control so much and do what you can do but don't stress over the things you have no control over!
Originally Posted By amazedncal2 How are you doing today Ruthie? I've been sending you good thoughts, can you feel them
Originally Posted By seafairy1622 I'm so sorry. I hope your feeling better soon. It's so hard losing family members.
