Originally Posted By x Pirate_Princess x No, I am not a man. But as a woman, I found these hilarious> BECAUSE I AM A MAN Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling NRMA is not an option. I will win. __________________________________ Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a couple of beers and break wind, as a form of Holy Communion. ______________________________________________ Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem. ______________________________________________ Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. _______________________________________________ Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together. ___________________________________________________ Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I channel surf, and occasionally actually watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it.....though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator. ____________________________________________________ Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, beer, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask. _______________________________________________ Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too. _______________________________________________ Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't . And if you are feeling amorous afterwards, then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others. _______________________________________________ Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now? _______________________________________________ Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2007, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the mopping, the dishes, look after the kids and I'll do the rest......like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do. ______________________________________________ This has been a public service message for women to better understand men.
Originally Posted By x Pirate_Princess x You think I wrote that? I'm not that clever. And I don't hate all men. Only my ex-husband (which, most of those seemed dead on descriptions, except the remote was an XBOX controller).
Originally Posted By friendofdd It's ok, xPPx, I was just joshin' you. Even though your post about men is all true. And he may be married to a Beauty, but he is, after all, a Beast.
Originally Posted By Inspector 57 friendofdd, you're so easy to see through! You're just trying to make Pirate Princess feel good! Personally, I'm not such a pushover. I thought that at least... uh... ONE of those stereotypes was offensive and TOTALLY untrue! Well, mostly untrue. Kind of not true.
Originally Posted By liveforvacations I found this absolutely hilarious! I think if you want to be happy, you have to find the comedy in everything-even the things that drive you crazy and these are all very funny! I am sure that someone has written something about women like this and I am also sure that I would find it equally hilarious. BTW, I love men and many of my good friends are men and most of the above applies to them! Thanks xPPx, for the laughs!
Originally Posted By x Pirate_Princess x I57 -- you could possibly be an exception to the rule. I'd have to meet you to be sure, though. L4V -- You're welcome! And I'm sure I've seen the one for women. I get these all the time in my email inbox.
Originally Posted By x Pirate_Princess x Here you go, L4v: Because I am a woman Because I am a woman I am different from a man. We may look like the same species, but there are different "rules" for each of us. Because I am a woman, I need to spend 20 minutes outlining my lips before I put on lipstick. Even though you say I have a big mouth, my lips are too thin. My hair is too flat/curly/dark/light/wavy. Whatever my hair looks like, I want it to be the opposite. My eyes are too small, and my skin is too blotchy. Thus, all of the time I spend in the bathroom getting ready to go out is an essential part of my routine. I need all this makeup so that other women will think I am naturally pretty. Because I am a woman, I will get up at 6:30 in the morning to go shopping if the store is having a sale. It doesn't matter that I don't need any new clothes, they are on SALE. Besides, I have three kinds of clothes in my closet. There are "fat" clothes for my PMS days, "dressy" clothes for the dancing I keep asking you to take me, and "thin" clothes that I will never get into again without liposuction. I will, however, keep all the "thin" clothes, because tomorrow I am going on a diet. Therefore I need exercise clothes too. It takes a lot of shopping to fill up so much closet space. Because I am a woman, I need many shoes. I need work shoes, dress shoes, three kinds of athletic shoes, sandals, slippers, open-toed shoes. I need high-heeled shoes, mid-heeled shoes, low-heeled shoes, flats, and boots. I need shoes in every color of the rainbow to match my extensive wardrobe (see above). Because I am a woman I will get annoyed if you come to me and announce that there is no food in the house. In all likelihood there is plenty of food. I am not falling for the trick and making you a sandwich. However, I will stand in front of my full closet and complain that I have nothing to wear. This is not the same thing. Because I am a woman, I will spend hours on the phone with my friends. Even if I just saw my best friend today, I need to call and tell her who is on Oprah. Especially if it is Tom Cruise. Because I am a woman I will talk about you to my friends. We will discuss your underwear, your bathroom habits, and your childhood. However, if you even mention my middle name to your friends I will be angry. Because I am a woman, I need to talk about "the relationship". I think about "the relationship" far more than you do. I will pick the worst possible time ( 2 minutes left in Game 7 of the NBA playoffs) and tell you, "Honey, we need to talk". If you ask to wait until the game is over, you will find yourself sleeping on the couch. Because I am a woman, I will have mood swings. PMS is a medical condition. So, when I scream at you and call you an SOB, and then cry and want to cuddle within an hour, I am not crazy. I am a woman. Because I am a woman, I have strange eating habits. I will order only salad on our first date, and lobster after we are married. I will buy candy bars and wash them down with diet soda. I will put artificial sweetener in my double mocha latte. And any food eaten while cooking does not count as food. Because I am a woman, I expect to have "girls night out" once in awhile. If you want to go bowling with the boys, I will pout and ask why you don't want to be with me. I will then assume that there is a problem with "the relationship" and will want to talk about it before you leave.
Originally Posted By x Pirate_Princess x And none of it pertains to me. I'm the one watching the NBA championship (ok, the Stanley Cup Finals) and you better not talk to me, unless it's a commercial. :-X
Originally Posted By bloona i was just thinking the same, i was wondering if you had been spying on me!
Originally Posted By liveforvacations Thanks xPPx for finding that. A good laugh is a great way to start the day!
Originally Posted By Pirate Shiva The Man's list was fairly accurate. I disagree with the one about the remote control. I like to have ALL the remotes in my possession. Just one thing to say about the Woman's List. Way too short!
