Originally Posted By Mary Poppins Darwin awards for 2006 It's that time again. The Darwin Awards are finally out, the annual honour given to the persons who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out. This year's winner was a real rocket scientist ... HONEST! Read on ... And remember that each and every one of these is a TRUE STORY. And the nominees were: Semifinalist #1 A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. The resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister. Semifinalist #2 Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles. Semifinalist #3 A 22-year-old Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot rail road trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground," Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma." Semifinalist #4 A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend - no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate - was hospitalized. Semifinalist #5 Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a natural gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as ''bright'' by his peers. ................................................ Now ladies and gentleman, the winner of this year's Darwin Award (awarded, as always, posthumously): The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. Police investigators finally pieced together the mystery. An amateur rocket scientist ... had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take Off, actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra "push" for taking off from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to the car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO! The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the 1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a point approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. This was established by the scorched and melted asphalt at that location. The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional 20-25 seconds. The driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog fighting F-14 fighter jocks under full afterburners, causing him to become irrelevant for the remainder of the event. However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface. The vehicle then became airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacted the cliff face approximately 125 feet above the level of the road leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock. Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable. However, small fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel. Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained a ground speed of approximately 420-mph, though much of his voyage was not actually on the ground. You couldn't make this stuff up, could you? AND PEOPLE JUST LIKE THIS ARE STILL ALL AROUND US AND CAN VOTE.
Originally Posted By davewasbaloo Hold on, I'm now doubting these as this winner is the same story as the winner a few years ago.
Originally Posted By Tiggirl I thought I saw that same story (the car one) on the Mythbusters a while back and I *thought* they said that was an urban legend and didn't really happen. ~Beth
Originally Posted By Tiggirl According to Snopes.com... that IS an urban legend and its false. <a href="http://www.snopes.com/autos/dream/jato.asp" target="_blank">http://www.snopes.com/autos/dr eam/jato.asp</a> Someone at the Darwin awards is lying to us! LOL! ~Beth
Originally Posted By TALL Disney Guy It's probably the combination of fries and Frostys cluttering up their brain. ;-)
Originally Posted By hopemax Actual Darwin award winners <a href="http://darwinawards.com/darwin/" target="_blank">http://darwinawards.com/darwin /</a>
Originally Posted By Mr X Okay, well anyway true or false it's still funny as hell. Sick thing to say, but seriously... Gotta wonder about the gas chugging arsonist. MAYBE he was that stupid, but puking directly into a FIRE? I wonder if it wasn't accidental, or if the kid was TRYING to make fire race back up his barf stream or something (you know, like when Kenny lit a fart on fire in the SouthPark movie and was badly burned and rushed to the hospital where the doctor accidentally replaced his heart with a baked potato which subsequently killed him when it exploded).
Originally Posted By Mary Poppins I didn't receive any verification for my Darwin awards, just passed along what I got in the e-mail.
Originally Posted By Tiggirl <<It's probably the combination of fries and Frostys cluttering up their brain.>> *Sigh* It makes me sad to see such un-enlightened people in the world. Heehee! ;o) ~Beth
Originally Posted By TALL Disney Guy Actually I think I'm goin' to Wendy's tonight for lunch. LOL! But I'll most likely get a Big Bacon Classic with ketchup only, and a baked tater with bacon 'n cheese. No Frosty-dippin' with those! LOL
Originally Posted By avromark <<But I'll most likely get a Big Bacon Classic with ketchup only, and a baked tater with bacon 'n cheese. No Frosty-dippin' with those! LOL>> Instead of ketchup dipping, how about Cola-Dippin' I liked that Myth Busters episode BTW.
Originally Posted By avromark <<But I'll most likely get a Big Bacon Classic with ketchup only, and a baked tater with bacon 'n cheese. No Frosty-dippin' with those! LOL>> Instead of ketchup dipping, how about Cola-Dippin' I liked that Myth Busters episode BTW.
Originally Posted By alexbook >>I thought I saw that same story (the car one) on the Mythbusters a while back and I *thought* they said that was an urban legend and didn't really happen.<< That doesn't *completely* rule it out. Sadly, some of these stupid urban legends become reality because some idiot hears the urban legend and decides to try it our for him/herself. OTOH, I've long suspected the Darwin Awards folks of being a little sloppy in their research.
Originally Posted By Stageman Yep, Mythbusters tested the JATO (Jet Assisted Take Off) myth, back in episode one I think. They concluded Mythbusted !
Originally Posted By thenurmis no dude it totally works, a friend of mine did it with a dog sled once and made it from Whitehorse to Fairbanks in just under 10 and a half minits... Lost his dogs though
