Originally Posted By Tinkerbell819 A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. 'Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.' That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.' Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?' No response. So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, 'Peg, what's for dinner?' Still no response. Next, he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?' Again, he gets no response. So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, what's for dinner?' Again there is no response. So he walks right up behind her. 'Peg, what's for dinner?' (I just love this) 'Clint , for the FIFTH TIME, CHICKEN!'
Originally Posted By Tinkerbell819 Here's another one: Little Old Lady With Two Plastic Bags A little old lady is trudging down the street, dragging two large plastic garbage bags. Every once in a while a piece of currency slips through a tear in one of the bags Noticing this, a policeman stops her. 'Ma'am, $20 bills are falling out of your bag.' 'Oh, really? Darn!' says the little old lady. 'I'd better go back and see if I can collect them. Thanks for the warning!' 'Well now, not so fast,' says the cop. 'How did you get all that money?' He arches an eyebrow and asks teasingly, 'You didn't steal it, did you?' 'Oh, no!' says the little old lady. 'You see, my back yard is right up against the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans pee through the fence right into my flower beds! So, I go and stand behind the bushes with my hedge clipper, and every time someone sticks his thingy through the fence, I grab hold of it and holler 'Twenty dollars or off it comes!'' ''That seems only fair,' laughs the cop. 'Okay, good luck! By the way, what's in the other bag?' 'Well, not everybody pays.
