Some Chuck Norris Facts for everyone

Discussion in 'Play Pen' started by See Post, Jan 18, 2006.

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  1. See Post

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    Originally Posted By DDMAN26

    Here's the link:
    <a href="http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/" target="_blank">http://www.chucknorrisfacts.co
    m/</a>

    I will post a few, please note that some have been edited.

    Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.


    The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.


    If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.


    Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

    4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.

    In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.


    There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

    Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.


    The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.


    If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.


    When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.



    Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.


    Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.


    There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.



    In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.


    Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.


    Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.



    Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.


    The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.


    Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"


    Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.



    Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.


    Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.


    Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.


    Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.


    Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.

    Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.


    The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.


    In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
     
  2. See Post

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    Originally Posted By Kylesmom

    I liked #1 - "Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever."
     
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    Originally Posted By ADMIN

    <font color="#FF0000">Message removed by an administrator. <a href="MsgBoard-Rules.asp" target="_blank">Click here</a> for the LaughingPlace.com Community Standards.</font>
     
  4. See Post

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    Originally Posted By Travaria

    Chuck Norris paid for my high school's in-school tv station.....And I'm actually dead serious about that one...

    These are all really funny too! lol
     
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    Originally Posted By ADMIN

    <font color="#FF0000">Message removed by an administrator. <a href="MsgBoard-Rules.asp" target="_blank">Click here</a> for the LaughingPlace.com Community Standards.</font>
     
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    Originally Posted By DDMAN26

    Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
     
  7. See Post

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    Originally Posted By DDMAN26

    Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is "his" way.
     
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    Originally Posted By adizneeguy

    Wow. I laughed, I cried, I am sending this to all of my friends.
     
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    Originally Posted By MissCandice

    The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
     
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    Originally Posted By DDMAN26

    ^^^Good to see you again.
     
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    Originally Posted By idleHands

    I sat next to Chuck Norris at a sushi bar (Tommy Sushi in Tustin), back in 1986. He bought saki for everyone. Nice guy.

    (I know. My story wasn't funny. Neither was he. *yawn*)
     
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    Originally Posted By MissCandice

    Everywhere I turn it seems like Chuck Norris is brought up. I was flipping through the tv channels on Saturday and some cast members on SNL was singing a song about a young Chuck Norris. Odd.
     
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    Originally Posted By MissCandice

    Chuck Norris doesn't need a sentence to be grammatically correct!
     
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    Originally Posted By DeadMansChest

    I think Chuck and Cristy have a thing going. I am gonna get the unrated version of that work out infomercial!
     
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    Originally Posted By DeadMansChest

    Amazing, they are both like 70 now, and don't look a day over 40!
     
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    Originally Posted By StillThePassHolder

    Frankly, Chuck is one bad dude. Chuck will also be 66 this year.

    From some web site or other:

    "Norris was born Carlos Ray Norris in Ryan, OK. The eldest of three children, he helped his mother raise his two younger brothers in Torrance, CA, where his family moved when he was 12. Norris joined the Air Force after graduating from high school. During a stint in Korea, he began to study the Asian martial art of Tang Soo Do. After returning home, he worked for Northrop Aviation and moonlighted as a karate instructor. Two years later he was teaching full-time and running a number of martial-arts schools. His students included Steve McQueen, Priscilla Presley and the Osmonds. In 1968 he became the Professional World Middleweight Karate Champion, holding the title undefeated until he retired in 1974. He is a black belt in Tang Soo Do and Tae Kwan Do, both Korean fighting arts, and knows all forms of the martial arts. In 1969 he earned the Triple Crown for the highest number of tournament wins, and was named Fighter of the Year by "Black Belt" magazine. By the time he was 34, Norris had established 32 karate schools and had been a champion for six years. In 1996 he became the first Westerner to be awarded an eighth-degree black belt in Tae Kwan Do."
     
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    Originally Posted By peeaanuut

    all that and no mention of training under Bruce Lee. Sad.
     
  18. See Post

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    Originally Posted By StillThePassHolder

    Actually it did say that, but I left it out.
     
  19. See Post

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    Originally Posted By peeaanuut

    and you left out his role in Sidekicks. Man you cut the best stuff out. sigh *shakes head*
     
  20. See Post

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    Originally Posted By SingleParkPassholder

    And although I've mentioned this elsewhere before, my father in law used to be Chuck Norris' advanced martial arts instructor.
     

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