Originally Posted By chickendumpling I'll start. A girl calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The girl says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he sighed................ "Let's put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box."
Originally Posted By chickendumpling When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her "but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." The woman went home with Charles that evening, and three days later, she became his stepmother.
Originally Posted By chickendumpling If any of these are repeats, I really do apologize. Its the first time I've heard 'em and I think their funny.
Originally Posted By cinders_24 A man left work one Friday afternoon. Since it was payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend drinking with the boys and spent all of his paycheck. When he finally came home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his very angry wife. For nearly two hours she let him have it! Finally, his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?" The hung over husband replied, "That would be fine with me." So Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went and he didn't see his wife. By Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye!
Originally Posted By goodgirl Jesus was wandering around Jerusalem when He decided that He really needed a new robe. After looking around for a while, He saw a sign for Finkelstein, the Tailor. So, He went in and made the necessary arrangements to have Finkelstein prepare a new robe for Him. A few days later, when the robe was finished, Jesus tried it on and it was a perfect fit! He asked how much He owed. Finkelstein brushed him off: "No, no, no, for the Son of God? There's no charge! However, may I ask for a small favor? Whenever you give a sermon, perhaps you could just mention that your nice new robe was made by Finkelstein, the Tailor?" Jesus readily agreed and as promised, extolled the virtues of His Finkelstein robe whenever He spoke to the masses. A few months later, while Jesus was again walking through Jerusalem, He happened to walk past Finkelstein's shop and noted a huge line of people waiting for Finkelstein's robes. He pushed his way through the crowd to speak to him and as soon as Finkelstein spotted Him he said: "Jesus, Jesus, look what you've done for my business! Would you consider a partnership?" "Certainly," replied Jesus. "Jesus & Finkelstein it is." "Oh, no, no," said Finkelstein. "Finkelstein & Jesus. after all, I am the craftsman." The two of them debated this for some time. Their discussion was long and spirited, but ultimately fruitful and they finally came up with a mutually acceptable compromise. A few days later, the new sign went up over Finkelstein's shop: Lord & Taylor
Originally Posted By officerminnie A naked guy wrapped in saran wrap goes to see his psychiatrist. The psychiarist says, "Sir, I can clearly see you're nuts".
Originally Posted By chickendumpling Have you ever seen a skein of geese where one side of their "arrow" is longer than the other side? You know why that is??? 'Cause there are more geese on that side. LOL! I love that joke. I am such a dork.
Originally Posted By sherrytodd A guy is in prison for the first day. During lunch everyone is sitting eating, when one guy stand up and shouts out "Number 52!" Everyone starts laughing. A few minutes later another guy stands up and shouts out "Number 73!" Everyone again breaks out laughing. The new guy is wondering what is going on so he asks the guy next to him what is happening. He says, "since we've been in here, we've told the same jokes over and over, so instead of telling the whole joke, we've just assigned numbers to them." The next day, the new guy decides that he is going to participate. He stands up in the middle of lunch and shouts out, "Number 38!" There is dead silence throughout the lunchroom. Finally the guy next to him mumbles, "Man, some guys just can't tell a joke."
Originally Posted By ajnhollysmommy This one is from Andrew Why did the cookie go to the hospital? It felt crummy
Originally Posted By MissCandice Did you hear about the new corduroy pillowcases? They are really making headlines!!! HAHAHAHA!
