Originally Posted By mousegrl I do not want my son to marry at 18. It's true that everyone matures at a different age. He's 10 now, and sometimes acts like a 30 year old. (He takes after me, not his father.lol) A 60 year old can be totally immature and not able to make a marriage work. However, if you take a group of 18 year olds next to a group of, say, 30 year olds, the majority of 18 year olds will be less mature, and the majority of 30 year olds will be more so. Like I said, I was totally able to stay married the rest of my life at age 18. However, MOST 18 year olds are soo idealistic, that they are not able to fully grasp the reality of what marraige entails. The marraiges that DO last from that young age, however, can be an amazing thing. I will chain my son up and hide him in a closet if he even suggests it. LOL
Originally Posted By Stacers76 I agree this depends on the individuals in the relationship....everyone has lead different lives growing up and like others have said..when it's right, it's right. I'm turning 30 in 11 days and getting married in just under 8 1/2 months...so for me...it's 30!! )
Originally Posted By mele I was thinking about you the other day, Stacers. I was thinking your wedding was sooner and was afraid we forgot to say "congrats".
Originally Posted By sherrytodd While I agree that you change quite a bit in your 20's, you also grow and change all throughout life as well. Marriage is difficult. I have at times questioned whether we really were meant to be a monogamous creature. As we live longer and longer lives that also gives us more time to grow and change. While some people will change together, many times that will result in people growing apart. In that sense, the age at which you marry is irrelevant. Whether the marriage will survive comes down squarely on the two people involved.
Originally Posted By DAR I think it depends on the person. For example when I was 21 there was no way I would have been ready for marriage. Now 11 years later I could handle it.
Originally Posted By mousegrl <..you also grow and change all throughout life as well.> While that's true, older people are more able to deal with certain changes and have a level of maturity that young people do not. Exceptions, of course. Older people have the life experiences that young people simply don't. I don't want to sound like the bitter ex; as I said, I was one of those who could have stayed married from the age of 18, however, MOST 18 year olds do not have the skills necessary to selflessly give of themselves to their spouse. We change throughout our lives, yes, but we also grow. <I have at times questioned whether we really were meant to be a monogamous creature. > Good point. I've wondered the same. But then we go into morals and values. Is it morals and values that keep a couple together rather than age? Hmmm...... All IMHO, of course. Like I said, sensitive subject for me, but very interesting. I better figure it all out in case I ever get married again! LOL
Originally Posted By mele I just think that generally speaking, we start to finally grow up in our 20s. We move away from our parents, start to pay all of our own bills, start making different friends, you start thinking about politics and a career. You begin to reevaluate the rules and lifestyles you grew up with and start to choose how you want your home and schedule to run. I think you really start to separate from your family and decide what sort of adult you want to be and what you want from your life in your 20's. But, no, there is no magic age when that happens (or even *if*.) LOL
Originally Posted By JazzCat I can't agree more than it depends on the person. Sometimes I think 27 was even too young for me, but I matured alot afterwards.
Originally Posted By Autopia Deb I don't think there is a set age, but I think it's a good idea (especially in this day and age) for people to live on their own independent of Mom and Dad for awhile before moving in with a husband or wife (or future husband or wife). Taste life on your own first.
Originally Posted By Goofyernmost I was 23 when I got married, my wife was 31. We stayed together for 29 years, some good, some bad. Neither of us was unfaithful, neither of us was confrontational, both of us, however, seemed worlds apart in personality. I was never serious, she was always serious and unable to laugh at her own short comings, etc. She decided that she no longer wanted to be married, I did not contest that decision because there really was nothing there anymore emotionally. The only thing we had in common was our children and you can't sustain a relationship on that alone. There is no set age, it is the right time when it is the right time. Only time will tell. How many people, for example, stayed together only because they had no place else to go? Everything was comfortable, on some level both needed each other if for no other reason then to have the one with the built in radar, find the remote. Even my failed marriage lasted longer then most do today. The reason was because separation was never the first option. Trying to work things out was the first, ignoring the problem was second and splitting up was a distant third. Times have changed. Splitting up is the easiest and first option now.
Originally Posted By debtee I got married at 21 and I've been married for 16 years. I was the only one in my group of friends that married so young. I feel like I'm more in love with my husband now then I was at 21, as I was so young back then and didn't really know myself like I do now. It's just wonderful that we have grown closer together, not grown apart over the years. I'm usually a person that believes everyone has to make their own journey in this world, no matter the age and choice, however I went to my friends daughter's wedding the other week and she's only 18. Not pregnant or anything just decided this is the man she wants to be with and can't wait to get started. I was staring at her thinking OMG it's so young to make such a big decision! LOL The thing that really made me feel out of the loop, was that we were introduced to 6 of her girlfriends that are all married or about to get married, all under the age of 20! So the trend must be coming back around to marry young. Maybe it's because kids are all growing up so quickly they want to get married fast I don't know, it just made me feel old! haha I remember asking Barry's grandmother who died when she was 100 was she thought the secret of marriage was... Her answer....Compromise! You can't always have your own way!
Originally Posted By Pixie Glitter I agree with much of what's already been said here. I think that although people mature at different rates, it's wise in most cases to wait until both people are at least in their early 20's before getting married. And I strongly agree with getting pre-marital counseling. When Mr. Glitter and I got married (18 years ago) the pastor who married us would not marry any couple unless they went through the pre-marital classes. We found the classes fascinating and very helpful. I believe the name of the program was "Prepare/Enrich." It started out with both of us taking a long personality/values/opinions inventory. Then both of our questionnaires were scored and evaluated by computer, and we received a printout of our strengths and potential problem areas. The six weeks of counseling was then based on that.
Originally Posted By Stacers76 Thanks Mele!! You've still got time...not til June '07...and I'm done with my planning!! Just need to wait to order stuff now! I did want to mention too that although I do think it's more about the person than the age...it has alot to do with a person's upbringing too I believe. My little brother has been married for about 18 mos now, he's 26 she's 21...and hmm let's just say this is her 2nd marriage (my bro's first) and it's been rough...so it really has to be the right time in someone's life, and they both need to be at that point where they can understand what a "marriage" is, as opposed to what is "supposed" to be happening by any given age/time in their life. Whew..that was too my brainwork for me today )
Originally Posted By tink_26 Today is my 13th wedding anniversary. I got married 9 days after I graduated high-school. We are lucky; we still love and respect each other. I don't think you can put an age on marriage. It has to be the right time and the right person. My parents were 19 & 21 when they married. They celebrated their 38th anniversary this year!
Originally Posted By RAM1984 Interesting posts. My parents were married at 18 and 20. They stayed together 56 years (until death parted them.) I was 18 and my husband 19. That was 35 years ago this November. Still, I am with people who say wait. But my experience with young people has shown me that they make their own choices and do not listen well to advise. I think that young people (myself included when I was young) do not have a concept of how long you are an adult compared to the 18 or so years it takes to get through high school. I always envy the ones who actually back pack across Europe or whatever fun things that usually get tabled after marriage. Enough rambling. I got married fairly young and it worked but I would like to see people finish college and live a bit before marrying. And then stay together once they do.
Originally Posted By smedley I'm with both sides lol, my parents married at 19 and 23, and are still married 34 yrs later, my aunt and uncle celebrated their 40th anniversary this past weekend, and they too married in their late teens. That said DH and I didn't marry until we were 28, although we'd been together for 8 yrs before that, we just didn't feel the need to rush into it, we moved in together, travelled a lot, and just had fun. That being said, we're having just as much fun now! I think with us we realised from very early on it was forever, so didn't feel the need to rush to put a stamp on it. I guess it's what works for you that matters, but I do feel a little life experience is maybe the way to go these days, things are very different at a young age to when my parents married.
Originally Posted By markedward Put me down for "it depends on the individuals and their maturity". I had a cousin who married at 16, wasn't ready, had one kid, and divorced a few years later. I also had a friend who married at 27, wasn't ready, had two kids, and divorced a few years later. I have two friends who married - and, most noticably, had their first child - much younger than their peers. They've had their major problems, like everyone, but they've lived their lives together and grown together. It just depends on the people.
