Originally Posted By Autopia Deb A juditious spanking when needed does wonders for disipline. I only use(d) it for issues concerning safety and out and out disrespect of his elders. And always follow through, if you promise a spanking or grounding, give him his punishment as described EVERY time. It's been many years since I've needed to spank my kid because we can talk about his bad behavior and he makes the changes. And believe me, he does NOT give me any "lip". That don't fly in this house. I will say that on the very few occasions I have lost my temper and yelled he was way more upset than he was by any of the spankings he's gotten. So now I am very careful to not raise my voice in anger around him (even when it has nothing to do with him). Never, never, never with a closed fist or any where above the waist (except for a mild slap on the wrist or back of the hand).
Originally Posted By MissCandice I was hit as a child, so no. I have smacked a hand that was reaching for something dangerous and that's as far as I will go.
Originally Posted By Ursula By inconsistant, I meant that sometimes I got whacked for doing something I had no idea was wrong to do, at the same time I wouldn't get wacked for doing something really wrong.
Originally Posted By Pixie Glitter I was a psychology major, and because of everything I learned through that, I was absolutely, vehemently opposed to hitting a child in any way, for any reason. Would not EVER do that when I had kids. Was simply appalled at all the unenlightened, ignorant parents who did use spanking. Then I had children of my own. And I did occasionally slap their hand or spank them with an open hand on their bottom. (What's that wise saying. . . "I did my very best parenting before I ever had children of my own." LOL!) I have to admit, some of those spankings I deeply regret. They were wrong, and they happened out of anger and hasty reaction on my part. But, although I still believe overall that spanking is not a good form of discipline, I think it can be an acceptable option when you need to make a big, fast impression on a child who has done something really dangerous, like darting out into the street or parking lot or so forth. So I guess I support spanking in that sort of situation. But overall, I think it is potentially very damaging. It is just too easy to strike out of anger, and to hit too hard.
Originally Posted By mele It seems to me that if a parent isn't hitting in anger, frustration or fear, then it is just as easy to come up with other consequences. When I was young I thought it was appropriate to spank my son. He was a very difficult child, I thought it was the appropriate punishment. It makes me sick that I ever hit him. I'm so sad that when he thinks of me, he will also remember being spanked. I haven't spanked my daughter and I am proud of that. We haven't needed to cause her physical pain or intimidate her with it to discipline her. I know it sounds like I'm judging but the only person I'm judging here is myself. Why have the regret of using any form of physical pain at all? There are many other ways to make children understand your rules and expectations. As an adult, rarely in life will you be spanked if you make a mistake. You are more likely to lose privileges and belongings. What is the ultimate lesson to be taught? Get out of line and you'll feel pain and shame or get out of line and you'll lose privileges/belongings? I would much rather my child hating me for taking away their video games than hating me for hitting them. Not every child gets over being slapped but almost all children realize that the loss of a toy was reasonable. Like I've said, I made this mistake with my son and I am quite heart-broken about it.
Originally Posted By sun-n-fun Pixie I agree with you. Before I had children, I "knew" I would never spank. My oldest (11 now) never required it. So I "proved" that those whe felt they needed to spank were wrong. Then I had my 2nd child.... he does occasionally get swatted on the behind. it depends on the child, but I will never again think it is wrong.
Originally Posted By wahooskipper I would rather my child have a sore butt that 3rd degree burns on his hands or to be hit by a car, etc. Now, I don't expect to be spanking my kids past a certain age. If I am putting my teenager over my knee then I've done something horribly wrong.
Originally Posted By Autopia Deb >>>I would rather my child have a sore butt that 3rd degree burns on his hands or to be hit by a car, etc. <<< AMEN!
Originally Posted By alexbook >>By inconsistant, I meant that sometimes I got whacked for doing something I had no idea was wrong to do, at the same time I wouldn't get wacked for doing something really wrong.<< This is the worst sort of "discipline".
Originally Posted By Pixie Glitter Boy howdy! I totally agree. Don't even get me up on my consistency soapbox. . . I truly believe that the single most important aspect of discipline is clearly communicated expectations with consistent follow through.
Originally Posted By Autopia Deb I imagine it's less frightening if a child KNOWS a spanking is comming than for a child who doesn't have consistant disipline. The stress of "will it be comming or not" would be harder on a kid, IMO.
Originally Posted By RAM1984 That's part of it too Ursula... consistency. I could get up on a soapbox here too, but I won't. It is just the single most important part of raising a child. MHO of course but I feel very strongly about it. Then I had children of my ownLOLOLOLOLOL I love your honesty!! I spanked my kids. For dangerous things and for deliberate defiance. They range from 22-33 now and seem to really like me. I never hit to hurt but to punish. Those that have their own children spank when appropriate. The 5yo responds much better to having to sit. It really depends on the child. I majored in Child Development and it was concidered strictly taboo. Any dicipline was frowned upon. Some of the brattiest kids I dealt with were not spanked. My friends did not spank their daughter because it would teach her to be violent. I saw this child as a 2yo double up her fist and slug her mom. I know this is a very touchy subject and I do not want to hurt anyone's feelings. Even the National Accademy of Pediatrics was put under so much pressure that they ammended their recommendation to spanking as a "last resort." I feel that this is when it can really lead to abuse because you have tried everything else and nothing has worked. A quick pop on the behind at the time of the offense can stop the behavior in its tracks and the kid knows where the action line is. Some children do not respond well to spanking at all. So of course another course needs to be taken. Off my soapbox on that subject. Original question: I went to my dictionary on this one. It says hitting is to strike or slap. Spanking is a slap on the buttocks. So I have to say yes.
Originally Posted By disney pete Im all for a smacked butt or hand,i look at the way kids are now and they just get away with everything as some of you have allready said it never done us any harm.
Originally Posted By Ursula I would think, too, that if you held back on spanking except for when the child engangers itself or for defiant/truly evil behaviour, the kid would get it when they overstep their boundaries. And of course if you threaten to spank if the behaviour continues and it continues, you better have your mind set that the child is getting spanked and then do it.
Originally Posted By RAM1984 Exactly, no matter what form of dicipline/guidence one choses it must be consistant. No bluffing allowed. Kids see through that in a heartbeat. My father was no tyrant but we always knew the adults were in charge.
Originally Posted By belleoftheball There have been very few times that my children ever got spanked. They know that their punishment would be more on the line of no computer or GameCube...I was never spanked and unless they did something horrible I dont think I could do it.
Originally Posted By markedward Mele, I really appreciate your input. Thank you. I've really found this thread interesting. There's been a lot of wisdom from a lot of people here. But somehow, I'm moved to thank Mele specifically. I don't spank. I signed a paper saying I wouldn't. So that is one parenting topic we've been able to mostly gloss over. The decision's been made for me. Which is good because I am pretty much in agreement with both sides on this argument. After adoption, it will be our choice the same as any other California parents, but I doubt I'll do it. It wouldn't be appropriate for our older two. With our 2yo, our anger and especially his anger are almost always part of the problem, and spanking would just make that worse. This question was in the "Morals" category. Do I consider spanking immoral? Yeah, I think I do consider hitting a little person immoral. Do I consider it to be automatically a big deal? No. There are good parents who pop their kid's hand or backside, and there are good parents who would never hit. There are bad parents for whom the spanking is just one of many problems, and there are bad parents who never hit their kid but failed them in a hundred other ways. It's the big picture that counts.
Originally Posted By officerminnie I agree that a smack on the butt or slap on hand is okay in small doses. However, I feel as some others do about regretting ever having laid a hand on my kids. I just don't like the feeling of "hitting" my child. I did it out of frustration. I wouldn't hit a friend or co-worker - why should I hit a kid? I've always maintained that if spanking worked so well, you wouldn't have to keep doing it. I once told my BIL (who fairly regularly "whips" his kids) that I didn't think spanking was an effective discipline tool and he told me it doesn't work if you don't hit hard enough - then proceeded to tell me how to make a great paddle by drilling holes in the wood. You can imagine what I told him!!! I think there is a big differemce between teaching a child to behave in a certain way because it is the right thing to do, and behaving appropriately out of fear of physical punishment. I don't ever want my child to be afraid of me.
Originally Posted By JazzCat Wow Officer Minnie, I'm surprised it's not illegal now for belts and paddles. Your BIL sounds a little disturbed! I agree with an occasional spank (if really needed) or a slap on the hand.
