Originally Posted By Lisann22 Looking for the Magic, I suppose by now you have survived. While Litter always goes the easy way out with her advice; you know load up on food and booze, I prefer to provide consistent and operational type of advice. So in the future the best way to handle the pain vs. not pain when getting the bikini wax is to always maintain a berber type carpet, never a shag. ;> Lisa Copious Amounts of Sherry, Sherry, lay off the booze and you'll be able to see the screen. We will all look a bit more appealing and you won't have that sick feeling when you read our names. Um, if this fur baby needs waxing, I'm not naming it, that's something you'll have to do for yourself. Ohhhhhhhhhhh, you mean like my kitty CAT. Sorry I was getting you mixed up with Looking for Magice. Email being sent your way. As for leaving LP, if you truly must, right now in Community there are examples of how to do this. Of course, watch your backside, as our kind, senstive, open and friendly fellow LPers are saying the door might catch you on the way out. <rolling eyes> Lisa
Originally Posted By SweetGirl Hello Ms. Lisa and Mrs. Litter, I hope you remember me, it's been awhile? I cannot believe I'm here again once again asking for your wisdom. First I have to announce I'm now married. Yes, my sweetheart and I were able to resolve our differences about wearing the Mickey gear at...er, during the night time hours. Things have been wonderful for the most part these first six months of marriage. However, I have a little problem. My better half likes to be on FaceBook, I"m not a big fan of social networks. He plays this game called FarmLand, FarmYard , Ville something like that. He's really taken it too far in my opinion. Now we have plots of land in the backyard with little calendars predicting when the crops will harvest. He wants to get animals, a fruit stand and trade bushels with the neighbors. I, I, I'm a city girl. I have places and things I want to do on the weekend. Yet, here I sit again on another Saturday watching my Hunky Farmer rotate between his laptop and our "crops" in the backyard. What can I do? How can I talk to him about this? He sees this as a healthy fun thing to do, I think he's gone to far?
Originally Posted By LinSayLoHand <lip shivering> Hhhhhiii Liissa & Liittteer (?), I seen your qualifications in post #1 and thought well I mean Disney is where I got my start and was probably the best time in my career so maybe due to recent events I need to just go home for some advice. <dabbing eyes with rough jail toilet paper> I only have 5 minutes, I'm not really suppose to be on the internet but they let me use my own phone here at the jail so without getting in trouble I could <lip trembling> use your help ladies. Where do I begin <remember I'm in denial here>? It feels like the world is crashing down on me <the media is every where>. I know the only way out of here is to go to Rehab. Yet, I sit here and I'm afraid to look in the mirror. My botox has run out, I've chewed my nails and my secret finger nail polish messages down to nothing. My roots are showing, OMG, my roots are showing, I can't believe this. <getting hysterical> My tan is wearing off and I've become <sobbing> addicted to bologna sandwiches. I need a wax so bad. The growth coming in is worse than the itch of no drugs by far. And to top it off Samantha came to visit me? I mean I haven't seen her since I kicked in her door and threw a jello shot through her living room window. I'm a complete mess. How will I cope? How can I go another 30 or 45 days of this? I just cannot wear that ankle bracelet again. Save me Lisa & Litter (why do they call you Litter by the way)?!
Originally Posted By MadMaxGibson Hello?! Hello?! Hello, is this &*^(*&( thing on? I hate computers, computers are evil, do you see all the )#@$% written about me on the internet? <breathing heavily> I assume you women, I hate really loathe women right now, I could spit on you both but then I wouldn't get any help would I? WOULD I? Do you know about my situation? Do you dingbats watch TMZ? ET? Access Freakwood? My career is going down the tubes because of that chipmuck cheeked lying sack of silicone. I get so upset thinking about her I just want to burn all of ^$%#%land down. I need someone in my corner. I called Glover, that big animal is too busy protesting every thing. I tried Foster but she doesn't want to come OUT and support me. Which completely &^%$$ disgusts me and makes me want to throw up but she's good for the box office and pocketbook you know what I ^%$%$ mean? I'm pretty sure her next movie she just did with me is going no where now, I mean NO WHERE! Look I'm a fun %$^&^*& guy, this is not me, did you just cut me off punk, I'll smash your car, your face, your mother's face, I hate all mothers... Anyway, <ha ha ha ha ha ha> I'm in a dire situation here. People say I need anger management classes, I personally think that's complete @#%#^% but what do I? I CANNOT TEXT, MAKE CALLS AND BE ON THE INTERNET ALL AT ONCE. I gotta go, I think someone might be ^%$% recording this. Call my short, round, disc for a hat wearing agent...
Originally Posted By Autopia Deb Wow, celebrity problems. How will my little issue compete? I know you are both wise AND fair, so I will bring you my puny non-gossip mag worthy problem in hopes you have time to help. As you may know, I live in a house of men. I know that on it's own sounds over-whelming. But really, even though I do most of the work as the only woman I do get to be the queen bee around here (even if it is only in my own mind) and I know no one is getting into my makeup. OK on to my issue, I can take the TV being tuned to ESPN and Speed Channel at any given time, I can take the violent war video games (mostly) but what is getting to me is... Will Ferrell movies. Oh I love "Elf" and "Anchorman" was certainly amusing. But these guys like to put "Step Brothers" on again and again. And just this morning I was forced to watch "Land of the Lost". They also like non Will Ferrell movies, like "Zoolander" and "Tropic Thunder". But you know Ben Stiller isn't quite as over-the-top annoying as WF has gotten in the last 5 years or so. What is a girl, with not even a gay man to keep her company, to do in this sea of testosterone and bad Will Farrell movies?
Originally Posted By Pixie Glitter <----rushes into the thread, patting down her heavily sprayed bouffant hairdo on her way to her desk. Oh my goodness! Such a lot of questions today. Dear SweetGirl, Of course Miss Litter remembers you, darling! You have presented us with some, um, most interesting problems over the years. And as always, Miss Litter is here for you with perfectly appropriate advice. Dear, I must remind you that our great country was built on the backs of farmers, and that farming is a noble occupation. I suggest that instead of whining about your husband's most productive pastime, you scoot your little self into the kitchen and start cooking up some of that produce. Your man is sure to be hungry when he comes in after a hard day of farming, both real and virtual, and your job is make sure there's a good hot meal waiting on the table for him. Oh, and if you should happen to need recipes, rest assured that Miss Litter can help you with those, too. I'm quite the little Betty Crocker if I do say so myself. Your sister in domesticity, Miss Litter
Originally Posted By Pixie Glitter Dear LinSayLoHand, Well, well, well. How the mighty (mighty skanky) have fallen. Lisann has far more experience with the sort of behavior that has landed you in the hoosegow than I do, but I do have some sage advice for you. You need to clean up your act, little missy. I suggest that after you finish your stints in jail and rehab that you find a nice finishing school and enroll there post haste. In the meantime, I suggest that you put your time in prison to good use by taking up a productive hobby, like crocheting doilies or memorizing the complete works of Emily Post. Good luck, dear! Admonishingly yours, Miss Litter
Originally Posted By MissCandice Dear L and L, My cat keeps escaping whenever I open the door and he runs all the way down the stairs and then across the street to where he saw a squirrel once and he doesn't have any front claws because he was declawed before I adopted him from a shelter and I have to chase him and then lug his 10 pound butt back up the stairs. How do I stop run-on sentences? Yours in despair, Candice
Originally Posted By Pixie Glitter Dearest readers, Just a quick word to let you know that MadMaxGibson is beneath Miss Litter's contempt and shall not be acknowledged by her at all. Furthermore, attempting to acknowledge Mr. Gibson might lead Miss Litter to break her ironclad vow of non-violence, and we don't want that to happen now, do we? Love, Miss Litter
Originally Posted By Pixie Glitter Darling Autopia Deb, Oh, my. You *do* have a problem, dear. Miss Litter shudders to think of all the boorishness you are exposed to on a daily basis. I, of course, have never seen any of the movies or games you mention, except for "Elf," which is delightful. But I can well imagine your distress. I suggest that you begin serving only salads, tea sandwiches, and petit fours at all meals. And if that doesn't civilize your men, commandeer that remote control and have a Jane Austen marathon. Femininely yours, Miss Litter
Originally Posted By Pixie Glitter At last! An easy dilemma. Dearest Candice, Simply go back to the very beginning of this topic and reread every single one of Miss Litter's wonderfully articulate responses. At the risk of appearing immodest, I must say that Miss Litter is quite the wordsmith. But be careful, dear. Don't even glance at any of Lisa's writings lest you wind up with even worse grammatical or compositional problems. Literarily yours, Miss Litter
Originally Posted By Lisann22 Sits down at her desk, god who decorated this place and put Litter & my desks face to face. Pssshhhhhh, the hair spray is making me cough. I can't really see her the light up make up mirror is in the way. Anyhoo... Well, look who's back? SweetGirl and her never ending troubles with MouseBoy. Clearly the answer to this is to cut the wires to your cable connect and hide the hoes. Wait that might not have been the best choice, hide the shovels and pitchforks. Open your closet and find your old Daisy Dukes outfit... ------------------- LinSay, Quit whining! Quit crying! Just focus visually on what you could have looked like at booking and upon escort to rehab - Nick Nolte. Okay, now that you've thrown up a bit in your mouth, eat another bologna sandwich and shut up. You'll live. Grow up. -------------------- While it pains me, our company policy on seekers of help like MadMax, is as Litter suggests, ignore them. Besides his arms are so short, he'll never reach us anyways. ----------------------- Autopia Deb, Clearly Litter has this all wrong. She has taken the lazy predictable route of advice. See you have to fight fire with fire, an eye for an eye. I suggest you go in guns a blazing. Think Rambo in drag here. Just as they all settle in and really get into the movie. Walk in. Gung-ho! Pretending your shooting all the bad guys with sound effects and mimicking using a gun like you would an air guitar. Trust me, the tight camo-pants, half shirt, head band, black smudge under the eyes and combat boots will have them scattering in no time flat. --------------------- Yours in despair, 1. Solution, never open the front door again. Climb out the window. 2. As far as run-on sentences? Lay off the burritos.
Originally Posted By Hoover Dear Lisa and Litter, I clean up after all of my tank-mates day in and day out. My owner, Ursula, NEVER gives me a break, never takes me on her many trips, and when she leaves, I don't even get to go to something called a pet spa!!! I did get Auntie 999 to drive all the way over here last year to feed us twice. (Ursula was in HAWAII. Hawaii. Wouldn't YOU take a fish to Hawaii? You see my point.) So, dearest Lisa and Litter, how long should I make my poop trail the next time she leaves? My record so far is two feet. I know you are well-versed in all things Pooh, this being a Disney board, after all. Swimmingly Yours, Hoover
Originally Posted By Lisann22 Hoov, If you're between the ages of 0 and I dunno 13 in fish years I'd make the poohline go as long as possible and then gather your peers all around to admire it. High fin each other, brag and you know all that good stuff. If you are older than that, well then that's just gross. No wonder she won't take you to Hawaii! - Lisa
Originally Posted By quincytoo Dearest Lisa and Litter My but how I have missed you two Miss Manners grows old very quickly and doesn't always have the answers to all of life's problems. My question is....How does one go from being a workaholic travelling an insane amount of time, staying at hotels, (however nice, room service for one starts to suck after awhile and as much as I love Mr.QT, (have found my self panting when the room service hot young stud muffin asks if I want dessert), dealing with ruly staff who complain when I ask them to occassionly work the odd 10 hour day, ever mind that *I* am working 15 hour days to their 10 hours. This summer I have had the summer mostly off and have loved it, Traveled to Puerto Vallarta with my beloved Mr.QT and even went camping with him this weekend. After 20 years we are madly in love again. Sigh all this leads to my problem.....Starting Sept 10 my work season starts and I will once again be BFF's with the airport security and hotel staff at various cities in Canada. I. DON'T. WANT. TO. GO. BACK. TO. WORK. Love always Secretly yearning to be a trophy wife.
Originally Posted By Lisann22 SYTBATW, While I understand the wants of the heart, I also know that we share a certain birthday month and that means this is just one side of you. If you were to go full time in either direction you'll kill those around you and yourself. Balance girlfriend, balance is needed in our crazy Gemini personalities. You are blessed with the ability to juggle many balls (naughty naughty) its our gift and curse. Just work with it. You'll be fine. Just 20 more years of work and then the world is yours. LMAO!
Originally Posted By Labuda Dar L&L, I have an issue in that many of my friends are horrible poker players, yet they insist they're good. How do I gently illustrate to them how horrible they are? Thanks, Poker Fan in TX
Originally Posted By Lisann22 Poker Fan in TX, If they're horrible and you are good, play them, win and leave it alone! Why point it out? Just keep a poker fan when they talk about their abilities. ;>
