Originally Posted By MissCandice I am all for writing the letter, Jim. I don't think that after you write that you will see the need to send it. Like others have said, that person probably wouldn't chage to a better person after getting the letter. But you will have your feelings out of your head and in a letter, which you can then tear up. I have not written a letter but I did compose one in my head to 3 supervisors at AAA. I was going to send them a Thank You card for firing me since I have been so happy job-wise since I left there. Composing it in my head seemed to do the trick because any anger I had at them (and there was a lot) just kind of melted away. They did me a favor actually, and got me out of a toxic work environment.
Originally Posted By Ursula Can you share her website so we can all laugh at her too? Would that help?
Originally Posted By mele HAHAHA! Jim, maybe you could print out her picture and draw horns and a mustache, maybe blacken out a couple of her teeth. That might help a LOT.
Originally Posted By Ursula I mean, REALLY. Does she have the 1001 Muskateers of LP behind her, Jim? I think not. You win.
Originally Posted By markcanada Living well is the best revenge. What you might find is that the impression they left on you is much larger than the impression you probably left on the other person. You may in fact find that they only have a vague recollection of you at best. Some thoughts of comfort: the universe really does seem to work in a "what goes around, comes around" kind of way. I wouldn't be surprised if some negative things have already happenned to that person, or will again along the way if they haven't changed. What you might find, is that, some point in your life, you and this person just may in fact cross paths again. At that point, you may wish to bring up in a matter of fact tone that you had a negative experience with that person's managerial skills, and have moved on and are now very successful. The person will either a) acknowledge the fact that they regret how they treated you b) won't even remember it or c) deny it and put the blame all on you, which would be pretty unsatisfactory. Best to just be thankful for what you've accomplished than to seek some kind of closure with someone from your past. Hanging on to it just maintains their power over you.
Originally Posted By Kinderella This is a letter that you must write. It should be everything you have ever wanted to say to her face and everything you have wanted to say behind her back. You should have absolutely no inhibitions when writing this letter. You should then put in in an envelope and put in away someplace safe like a shredder. Lather, rinse, repeat. Mean people suck. You have risen above. Don't let her drag you down again.
Originally Posted By Kar2oonMan >>I mean, REALLY. Does she have the 1001 Muskateers of LP behind her, Jim? I think not. You win.<< LOL! Good point.
Originally Posted By Inspector 57 I think that life is short and that we all hold ourselves back from doing what we want to do because we're not assertive enough. Because we're not adventurous enough. Because it's just not done. I think older people, when reflecting, are much more likely to say, "I wish I would have gone for it," than "I regret doing that." Jim, I only know you from your posts here and your website. That's enough for me, though, to believe that you wouldn't send that letter with the sole intention of causing pain. I believe there are signigicant potential benefits to sending it. For one, it might make you feel better. That's justification enough. It might also help clue her in to the effect that her behavior has on others. Potentially very constructive. I personally disagree with those who've posted that she won't remember you. I also don't assume that reading the letter would make her feel good, powerful, or that she "wins." I believe in assertive communication. I think there's something cosmically "right" in sending a factual letter to her. Of course, you don't owe that to her, the cosmos, or me. I also believe that the single most likely outcome of sending the letter is that you will never receive any sort of response. Would that be more vexing to you than the situation is now? One way or another, to the extent that it causes problems or pain for you, you're the one who has to let it go. If that involves sending the letter, great. If not, great. If it means living with a manageable amount of anger and staying a little po'd over the situation, I think that's a rational and healthy enough outcome, too. Good luck with it.
Originally Posted By Jim in Merced CA Thanks Inspector57. Your commentary is actually closest to how I feel about the situation 'globally.' And it's much more selfish than perhaps I realized. I'm certainly not looking to 'make' her feel a particular way -- I can't control that. Whether she laughs or cries or shreds the letter and gives it the finger - I can't control that. But I do think that sending her a letter, letting her know how her behavior impacted me at the time -- how it made ME feel 15 years ago, and where I am today -- would be good for me. It's all about 'me-me-me' isn't it?
Originally Posted By Inspector 57 <<It's all about 'me-me-me' isn't it?>> I don't think so. Sure, there's something in it for you. Making yourself feel better might be your primary, even sole, goal. But there's something in it for her, too. Feedback about the way her past behavior was received is very valuable. She may or may not be receptive to the feedback. You can't control that. My guess, though, is that reading it would give her pause and might even change her future behavior. And if not... Oh, well. You did your best.
Originally Posted By TALL Disney Guy Gosh I hate to confuse Jim with another different opinion, lol...but I see some merit in writing the letter. I mean, you said yourself she made your work life a living hell for you. Do you want other innocent, enthusiastic people to go through the same torment from her that you did? Sure, in the long run it w was a steppin' stone for you, but not everyone whose dreams she shatters will emerge like a phoenix with their own successful company like you did (which we're very proud of, by the way). Now of course only *she* would read this letter, not any potential employees of hers. In a revenge fantasy world you could show up outside the seminar with big signs and tell people what YOU learned at Disney from this particular "person", lol. It would be wonderful if she got such a letter from you and actually looked at herself in the proverbial mirror over her treatment of others---but of course, there's no way to predict how she would respond (and I've got a former boss I wouldn't mind rubbin' some things in her face myself...) Well, I say definitely write the letter to at least get out the aggravation and resentment. Maybe don't hold back at all and keep that one or shred it. Sorry, I guess I'm not of much help here, but the bottom line for me is I'd love for anyone who would work under her to know how she really is---and for her to change that.
Originally Posted By Jim in Merced CA You're being very helpful TALL Disney Guy -- I appreciate your taking the time. I'm actually working on the first draft right now...
Originally Posted By TALL Disney Guy You're welcome, Jim. BTW, I just thought---would you be able to write an informative letter to *her* boss? Now there's the slight chance she's a better person now and doesn't act in her horrid ways anymore, but since you're not with her anymore and she's still out there, maybe if whomever was above her was clued into her behavior, they might appreciate and investigate...(especially if they had been unaware of it). I dunno, just somethin' I thought about.
Originally Posted By mrichmondj I dunno about a letter . . . . but I think it would be awful fun to figure out when her next speaking gig is -- then show up and heckle her.
Originally Posted By TALL Disney Guy ^^^LOL!! Statler and Waldorf wouldn't have nothin' on this bunch. ;-)
