Originally Posted By StillThePassHolder To elaborate a little- I'm all for writing the letter as a cathartic experience, but I would not send it under any circumstances. In the end, there's really no point in sending it unless it will absolutely make you feel better. Thing is, aren't you happy enough already?
Originally Posted By chickendumpling To answer your earlier question Jim, I've sent *the letter*. A couple of times. Once as a child (nearly got kicked out of school) and probably about 4 times as an adult. I'm a slow learner. Fact is, I wrote *the letter* about 2 weeks ago and showed a colleague the first draft. They looked me straight in the eye and said *As your colleague and your friend I am telling you you cannot send that letter*. I hated to admit it but they were right. I wrote one humdinger of a letter though. I guess the bottom line is that if she has changed, sending it will only hurt her. If she hasn't, she won't listen to a word of your letter and just think you are some sort of weirdo still obsessed with this and clearly you are not. Write it ALL out and if you MUST send it, mail it to yourself. And then shred it or maybe have a ceremonial burning.... I like the idea of showing up and heckling her best. LOL. That's my forte.
Originally Posted By Goofyernmost I don't know the circumstances of this person so I can only speak for myself. I have been in management for over 30 years and through those years I have changed and evolved. In my early years of it I know I was full of myself and also felt pressure to not be taken lightly and be a strong leader. I learned during this time that like lots of things power can defined like this, the more you use it, the less you have. I'm sure I made a lot of people upset while I was learning my trade but that was then and this is now. She might have learned that lesson by herself without your help. It can happen. I think writing the letter would be a great exercise in getting out the demons that obviously still haunt you. Seeing them on paper and reading them over really gets one in touch with themselves. Do that, but don't send it. What is done, is done. Nothing can change that. You have moved forward and are living a very positive life. Don't let the past become an anchor or worst yet, let you become just what you despise about her.
Originally Posted By Inspector 57 I am slackjawed at the collective phobia of expressing feelings and objective feedback that you're all expressing. I'm similarly fascinated and a bit uncomprehending about the fact that so many see this as some kind of power struggle.
Originally Posted By chickendumpling I love the word *slackjawed*. I am not even joking. I'm not phobic about expressing feelings. I don't know how a person survives with that expression. I am, however, of the opinion that a person does not necessarily have to share every thought and feeling that they have. Life as I see it is often a cost benefit analysis - not in every situation, but in many and here I do not think the cost outweigh the benefits. I didn't initially see this as a *powerstruggle* but I see the point. And, viewed from that vantage point, I think it takes a lot more *power* and self-control to not send this letter than to send it. Just my 2 cents. I usually try to shut up about this stuff but I really do like Jim and wanted to share my input for whatever he deems it worth.
Originally Posted By chickendumpling <<I don't know how a person survives with that expression>> I meant *without* expression. I am soooo articulate. LOL.
Originally Posted By TALL Disney Guy <I am, however, of the opinion that a person does not necessarily have to share every thought and feeling that they have. Life as I see it is often a cost benefit analysis - not in every situation, but in many and here I do not think the cost outweigh the benefits.> That reminds of "Designing Women" the other morning when Suzanne and Anthony were stuck in a hotel room together in a snowstorm and they were gettin' to know each other a little better... Suzanne: "Oh Anthony, you're puttin' me on...a lotta people do that, ya know. I just pretend not to notice cause I've found out that life is much easier if you don't get too involved." (*eats a chocolate*)
Originally Posted By Kar2oonMan >>Statler and Waldorf wouldn't have nothin' on this bunch. ;-)<< LOL! >>ho do u heckle privately?<< Well, mrichmondj just landed the part of Waldorf with that one! LOL
Originally Posted By TALL Disney Guy <That reminds of> That reminds *me* of---dang it chicken, yer catchy! Lol!
Originally Posted By Lisann22 I gotta agree with Chicken, god the world is ending. ;> I certainly do not hide my feelings. I just think it's a waste of energy, positive energy. I have many many people I'd like to go back to that counted me out as a child, teen and young adult and say look at me now you blankity blank. However, I feel my payback is by being a good mentor, boss, manager, something that person lacked. Being productive with my energy, not wasting it on someone that brought me pain.
Originally Posted By TALL Disney Guy Er, I know that's not what you meant, but ya know their laugh? "DOOHH hohoho!"--nevermind. lol *goes back to work*
Originally Posted By TALL Disney Guy I have to say though, I do understand where Jim is comin' from...it would feel sooooo good to show those people how you rose above them and became a better person than them. But if they're *really* rotten, they may not even care...*sigh*...
Originally Posted By Kar2oonMan Lots of good points of view on this thread. Inspector, you swayed me a bit from my earlier stance. Now I just don't know what I'd advise.
Originally Posted By chickendumpling <<I gotta agree with Chicken, god the world is ending. ;>>> ROFL!
Originally Posted By TALL Disney Guy D'oh! chicken, you messed up the number 57 post for the Inspector! *shakes fists*
Originally Posted By chickendumpling <<life is much easier if you don't get too involved>> I usually catch on pretty quick but I don't think I'm getting the point on that one TALL. Maybe you could help me out on that?
