Originally Posted By murfsmom i'm sorry your going through this, our family went through some of the same thing. could it be your sister was jealous that you went to dl and she can't afford to go ? or maybe she was expecting you to offer to take her kids ? it just seems like things fell apart around the time you went to dl !!! maybe you and your wife , your sister and her hubby, should meet and talk things out, if the air is nt cleared , then maybe suggest the 4 of you go to some kind of counseling. i mean it does sound like a bit of a tug of war, she's to dependent on you and your maybe a little to attached to the kids, which i know is hard not to do, how about her putting the kids in day care a couple days a week and you have them the other days ? that way they have interaction with other kids. .it worked for my sister in law, the kids were happy to be playing with other kids, and and they like spending time with her,it gave everyone a little break. i hope this might be a solution, it's easy to jump to conclusions,i think we all just want whats best for everyone,ever need to talk, e mail me it's in my profile (((( murfsmom))))
Originally Posted By Jim in Merced CA What it seems to boil down to is that people aren't able or willing to ask for what they want. crazycroc, it seems that you are being very honest about your wants in this situation. You want to (or are willing to) take care of your sister's kids, but you would like her to 'follow the rules.' It seems that your sister has some things that she's not able to ask for. 'Sometimes I'm going to be late, and I hope you can accommodate my kids.' OR 'It makes me feel like a loser that I can't take care of my kids.' Sometimes, people just need to be able to have that kind of conversation, but aren't able to. So, it brews under the surface, and then explodes in seemingly weird ways.
Originally Posted By crazycroc Well, Jim it's more like the first. We want to take care of the kids, but we need for her to follow some rules, which she won't do. Originally, it was all about I"m sorry I"m late, and then it turned into an everyday thing. You want to believe in them, when they make excuses about being "late" but when you see them return to pick up the kids in different clothes and with movie theatre popcorn on their clothes...you start to know better. I think we tried to do the right thing, and I mistakingly thought that doing the right thing would result in an outcome that was different than we got. BTW, I took my sister and her two kids to Disneyland in July of 2007, and offered to do it again 3 and 1/2 weeks ago. She makes twice my salary, but has no money, because it's all credit card debt.
Originally Posted By 999HAUNTS I had a similar situation. My cousin's kids were with us all of the time. The parents always brought them over because they fell into "partying" if you know what I mean. Anyway, I had these kids almost every weekend. We went everywhere together, did crafts with them, fed them, etc. One night I went to take them home, and the 3 year old kept crying. He didn't want to go home. He wanted to stay with us. Then his sister asked if we would take them to eat before we brought them in the house. I told her that her mom would feed her, but she said she didn't want soup. I told her that there was nothing wrong with eating soup for dinner, but she said that was all they ever got to eat. This confused me because the parents made decent money, and I know they went out to eat alot. I took the kids in the house, and sure enough, my cousin gives them some soup. But the thing that set me off is that he was eating take-out BBQ ribs! We had words and he asked me to leave his house. His wife came out to see what the yelling was about, and the smell of pot just filled the air. I no longer had to guess why there was no money to feed these kids a decent meal, and why they were always hungry when I had them. Do you know I didn't get to see those kids again for almost a year? That's how mad he was with me finding out their secret. I'm not saying that your sis is doing something illegal, but my point is that you can't control circumstances with your family, you can't control how other people parent or what might be going on in their lives. It is quite possible that your sis is having a bad go at something, and you might have touched upon it ever so slightly and she was embarrassed. Give her time and she will figure it all out - in the meantime, just be there for her if she calls. I'm sure she'll apologize.
Originally Posted By crazycroc Thanks for all your support guys, it's been giving me different ways to look at things other than my own perspective, or those of close friends. So thank you for listening and sharing experiences.
Originally Posted By SoThisIsLove crazycroc, isn't this place wonderful? It's just so nice knowing that there are people literally all over the globe who at least care enough to listen objectively and worry about you. xoxo {{{crazycroc}}}
Originally Posted By liveforvacations crazycroc, I really feel for you! I too love my nephews who I don't get to see very often but when I do, my brother acts like he is coming to visit, but really just wants to drop off his children for free babysitting. It used to bother me and then I remembered the most important thing-my goal. My goal is to spend time with my nephews and be part of their life! My brother is an idiot and that is all there is to say! I have given up trying to talk to him because it never goes anywhere and I just don't end up seeing my nephews for awhile! I think at this point that you have to accept that these children are going to daycare for now and you will have to have another place in their life. Keep focused on the ultimate goal which is spending time with them and as Dr. Joy says, "Be stupid and cheerful". Call your sister, be nice-as-pie,don't say anything about the daycare and invite the children over for a visit. Go from there! Good luck to you! PS I always knew you were a good guy with a big heart but a nasty sense of humour!
