Originally Posted By TALL Disney Guy I think some of the feelings of tackiness and "aghast" at the woman's issue here are because *everyone* starts out single. No one starts out engaged or married or pregnant, because those are life-changers which you have to make happen yourself. And because most relationships (and of course preparing for kids) require a lot of work and care, friends and families and communities are more than happy to help out folks as they enter these new areas of life. But being single is like the reverse since you don't work at that, you just "are" until you make changes. Unless we get into divorce, and if one person relied more heavily on their partner's income, then that would be a very big change in life with foreseen struggles. Maybe we should write Dear Abby and see what she thinks of proposed Divorce Showers and Annulment Showers. ;-)
Originally Posted By SuzieQ My newspaper actually dropped Dear Abby. They felt her advice was dated and not relevant to today's world.
Originally Posted By Liberty Belle Good point, TDG. I suppose an "I'm single!" party is like having an "I exist!" party - there's nothing really to celebrate. (I do know people who have thrown divorce parties, although not divorce showers!) And I also wondered, as someone else said, about what happens if the lady in question ends up meeting a man and getting married next year.
Originally Posted By DlandJB I also still don't understand the reluctance to allow the original woman and her mother to have a celebratory event at which people bring gifts.>>> Doesn't this woman have a birthday every year? Why doesn't her mother simply throw her a birthday party? Why is she turning it into a "you owe me" fete? I have friends who have never been married. Over the years I have taken them to dinner, brought them birthday presents, watched their pets, driven them to the mechanic....friendship "pays back" in many ways that doesn't require an event like the one the mother is planning. I find the reasons for this party as described by the original letter to Abby very shallow and grabby. And also having friends who did marry for the first time well into their 40s and 50s (I'd love to know how old this woman is) They are silly to presume they will never get married.
Originally Posted By AuroraRose Maybe we should write Dear Abby and see what she thinks of proposed Divorce Showers and Annulment Showers. ;-) I had a divorce party on the 4th of july : ) no presents were expected or necessary, i got a few congrats and encouragement cards though --LOL
Originally Posted By wonderingalice I'd go, bring a nice gift and make it a fun time for the woman... simply because, in a kinda different way, I can relate... By the time I got married the first time, I was almost 24. I'd been to probably a dozen bridal showers for my high school girlfriends and the same number of baby showers for them. My best friend was my Matron of Honor. She made one attempt to set a date for a bridal shower for me and because my mother was unavailable for that date, the whole thing was dropped. (We were married in my parents' home - on New Year's Eve, with only four weeks' notice, so you can imagine how hectic things were for my mom through the holiday period). Was I cheezed off...? Yeah, I was. My work friends managed to pull off a fun shower for me, so that eased the miff. But my high school girlfriends were my BEST friends... and it wasn't important enough to them. Oh well. Our wedding was small - just family and the best man and his wife, and my matron of honor and her husband, so the girlfriends wouldn't have had any obligation at all to purchase wedding gifts. When Mr. Alice and I got married in August 2004 - second marriage for each of us - we went with two friends to Lake Tahoe and got married in an intimate ceremony overlooking the lake. In October (cooler LV weather we went all-out and threw a big reception party at a friend's home, and on the formal invitations (they were just like 'regular' wedding invitations, but announcing our marriage in August and inviting them to the reception) we specified, "No gifts, please." We were combining two adult households - as opposed to young newlyweds who need literally everything, and just wanted everyone to come and celebrate with us. Some people still brought sweet, small tokens that were appreciated, and our coworkers on both sides chipped in for generous gift cards because they knew we were replacing some appliances in our kitchen. And our parents also gave us gifts - no surprise there, though... It's what moms and dads do. So, when I receive an invitation for anything (with the exception of the onslaught of candle and jewelry parties, etc., which I often decline if they're not being hosted by close friends) I accept with a smile and try to find something unique with which to gift the honoree. Everyone deserves to feel special. And bear in mind on the Dear Abby thing... Her mother's letter was only to the column. Hopefully, she's handled herself more delicately during the actual planning of the event.
Originally Posted By cstephens I think what I object to is that an unmarried childless friend wouldn't feel appreciated and loved unless they were given a party for no reason and people brought gifts. I was unmarried and childless for quite some time, and I bought gifts for many occasions for other people, but I never felt like I was giving out more than I was getting because I wasn't having the same celebrations. I show my affection and concern for friends, married and unmarried, parents or not, in any number of ways, whether it be little gifts, keeping in touch by phone or email or in person and spending time and sharing my life with them and sharing their life as well. If that's not enough for them to know how I feel, then maybe I'm not the kind of friend they want. /cs
Originally Posted By wonderingalice ^^I agree... And I never felt 'neglected' until my "time" had arrived and it fell flat. And I got over it without making my girlfriend feel guilty (but I would have felt guilty if I were her ;-) *L*
