Originally Posted By Mr X And yet he says things "aren't really different" with his 22 year old daughter compared to when she was 16. In terms of real development, there is a WORLD of difference there.
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Originally Posted By vbdad55 <**Are you a parent ? Have daughters ? If not then you would have no clue as to someone who does' point of view** I'm getting real tired of this kind of garbage. Reminds me of the guy who told me if I'd never been interrogated by cops, I have no clue and no right to comment on what sort of interrogation is inappropriate. Whatever.< I knew the streak would end -- you tell me how it couldbe the same then, since you have all the answers.
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Originally Posted By vbdad55 <I thought the VB stood for volleyball?< it does -- thanks-- but I like the Vero Beach angle -- never thought of that
Originally Posted By RoadTrip <<The role of a parent for a 22 year old person is NOTHING, unless that person happens to ask for some help or advice as any adult to adult might do.>> <<However, because he "pays the bills" (big mistake in my opinion) he feels entitled to continue that "role".>> VBdad's daughter is still in college, and I think it is appropriate that he still pays the freight. We supported our daughter 100% until she graduated from college. After she graduated she lived at home for a while. She found a job within thirty days of graduation, and stayed with us about 6 months so that she could accumulate the money needed to start out. I was more than happy to do this for her. She has a four year college education and had the opportunity to live away from home during that period. She graduated without owing anything in student loans (we owe nothing either). She accumulated the money she needed to buy the household goods and furniture needed to establish her own home without charging ONE CENT. I would think from some of your other posts you would see the value in that. Did I try to control my daughter in college? No. The last year of college she shared an apartment with her boyfriend which would not have been my preference. Oh well. Her life. On the other hand, I did advise her on both educational and personal issues. Sometimes she asked for my advice. Sometimes not. I never forced it on her. I said this was my .02 -- take it or leave it. Since my son and daughter have never had any problem whatsoever in giving my wife and I unsolicited advice, I guess I don't see a problem with it.
Originally Posted By vbdad55 <And yes, being a parent is something that totally changes your life and it's great...however, parents need to understand that their kids are people too, and deserve respect and consideration as individuals. I don't see that in some of VBDad's posts, so I'm responding honestly. < olkay again - tell me where she doesn;t get respect ! I am allowed to comment on her goings on just like she is allowed to comment on mine-- I have already stated that. I expect her to inform me if I am doing something less that what she'd expect and I do likewise. In your parenting 101 book I guess that is disrespect --- Why you choose to comment on someone else's parenting when you seemingly have no point to make that holds any water is beyond me. I hope you can have an ongoing dialog with your kids when they are in their teens and 20's -- I have been fortunate enoigh to manage that - whether by skill or by luck- but somehow I guess when a child becomes a certain age they are emancipated from the 'man' and can do whatever they want and people stop being parents. Maybe that's how you want it in your world - it's not how it works here and I'm glad for it.
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Originally Posted By Mr X **Did I try to control my daughter in college? No. The last year of college she shared an apartment with her boyfriend which would not have been my preference. Oh well. Her life.** That's cool. Some parents are not that cool, that's essentially my point.
Originally Posted By vbdad55 <<<parents need to understand that their kids are people too, and deserve respect and consideration as individuals. >> I don't think VBdad would disagree with you on that. He feels that a parent's role as a child matures is to provide guidance... not to control. I agree with that 100%. < Exactly -- I still respect my mother's opinions when she offers them and I am 52 years old, I respect her experience and knowledge -- maybe next time I should tell her to shut the heck up because Mr X says your not letting me be an individual. Unbelievable
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Originally Posted By vbdad55 <And yet he says things "aren't really different" with his 22 year old daughter compared to when she was 16. In terms of real development, there is a WORLD of difference there.< some things are not that different -- my child was a very mature 16 year old who traveled the world playing VB as a student. She learned to be on her own in other countries as well as how to deal with others ( thank God she didn't run into you ) - She was allowed to choose her own direction in life academically and socially - yes we provide guideance but her career path and her sports career and her college are all her choices. How she has invested her money has mainly been her own choices - She is still a student - still exploring the world -- tell me what should be that different oh father of the year so no things aren't that different. Maybe you view 16 years olds as too young - and don't give them enough credit.
Originally Posted By RoadTrip Kids continue to need their parent's help and advice throughout much of their life. Whether it is babysitting help so they can get out of the house for a bit after the birth of a child, real estate advice when they buy their first home, perhaps even assistance with the down payment... they still need their parents. I will be there for my kids. Frankly, my parents WEREN'T there for me as an adult, and that caused me more hurt and bitterness than you will ever know.
Originally Posted By vbdad55 <**Did I try to control my daughter in college? No. The last year of college she shared an apartment with her boyfriend which would not have been my preference. Oh well. Her life.** That's cool. Some parents are not that cool, that's essentially my point< no it was not your point -- your point was that somehow I control my daughter and treat her like a 2 year old -- and for what it's worth - my daughter has had her boyfriend for 4 years - and travels each summer somewhere with him. not my choice either... and guess what - he is a student and cannot afford it as he is a football player at OU and that is his life 12 months a year, it also is on me. They went to a sports camp in Australia 2 summers ago - Are the taking advantage of me - no. They both work very hard 12 months a year on what they do - and very soon they will be in the 'real world'. They are very appreciative - and not just for financial support - I have worked thru biz connections here to have him set when he graduates... I wish I would have had any connections when I was that age -- so tell me again about this childish prison my kid lives in. Because I would comment on something I might think innappropriate ? And again pure speculation as I have never had to do that - and the outfits i saw that caused the issue would not have offended me. Just not sure why you are on your soapbox - but you couldn;t be more wrong on this one so tell me again how I treat her so badly.
Originally Posted By vbdad55 <Kids continue to need their parent's help and advice throughout much of their life. Whether it is babysitting help so they can get out of the house for a bit after the birth of a child, real estate advice when they buy their first home, perhaps even assistance with the down payment... they still need their parents. I will be there for my kids. Frankly, my parents WEREN'T there for me as an adult, and that caused me more hurt and bitterness than you will ever know. < everyone needs parents ( or so I thought ) - and trippy I understand. Unfortunately when I was 21 my Dad ended his life - and took with him all the guideance I wish I had as I tried to get my life started. My Mom didn't handle this very well - really wasn't there- then re married very badly as so often happens. At 21 I was on my own - with a sister who was 11 who had to come live with me due to the bad circumstances. I had to be a parent to her also for many years as well as a big brother --- She is now a Doc, and happily married with 2 kids of her own - and I am very proud of her for getting thru that at 11. My oldest is on the path to being very successful in her own right, and now I have a 13 year old so my role as a parent will never end. If by putting Dad in my on line moniker makes me some kind of egomaniac I am at a loss for words. so to get told what I am or am not as a parent by someone who does not have 30+ years of doing this, under some of the most extreme circumstances really pizzes me off. I apologize to everyone having to read thru this -- as few topics set me off - this would be one of them though
Originally Posted By Mr X **Sometimes you ramble and people let you slide - not on this one jackass - you are over the line with your dimestore psychology --** Again and as usual, no real answer and straight to the personal attack. I never ramble. You just can't stand it when I make perfect sense and you have no logical way to reply. So you attack.
Originally Posted By Mr X **real estate advice when they buy their first home** Yeah, let's go to the generation of boneheads who screwed up so bad that the entire mortgage industry is on the brink of collapse. Let's get some advice from THOSE irresponsible morons. *rolls eyes*
Originally Posted By vbdad55 <**Sometimes you ramble and people let you slide - not on this one jackass - you are over the line with your dimestore psychology --** Again and as usual, no real answer and straight to the personal attack. I never ramble. You just can't stand it when I make perfect sense and you have no logical way to reply. So you attack.< there are plenty of real answers here - you just don't seem capable to absorb any of them - but then when you know everything it must be hard
