Originally Posted By woody >>Whatever woody. There's a lot you don't "get".<< Yeah, I don't understand you, for example. I also don't get permissive parenting. It doesn't help the kid.
Originally Posted By Liberty Belle Seriously Woody, try to walk in someone's shoes before you judge them.
Originally Posted By woody >>Seriously Woody, try to walk in someone's shoes before you judge them.<< I'm not judging. How can I judge with so little information? I'm saying USE PARENTAL AUTHORITY!!!
Originally Posted By Liberty Belle You don't see how this sounds like a judgement? >>I don't get your parenting. Why are you bothering with reasoning? Be the parent. Use your authority now or it will be gone very soon when he turn 18.<< Anyway, you have your right to your opinion. I'm just saying that not everyone has things easy.
Originally Posted By woody >>You don't see how this sounds like a judgement? << Because I don't say she was wrong or bad or cruel or any other adjective. I said I don't get it. >>Anyway, you have your right to your opinion. I'm just saying that not everyone has things easy.<< As if I am expecting it to be easy? Sigh.
Originally Posted By Liberty Belle More on-topic, my niece (my sister's stepdaughter) is in year 11 and isn't the biggest scholar in the world. She's not failing or anything, she'll just never be top of the class. My BIL is actually TRYING to convince her to drop out of school and start "earning a real living instead of working those dead-end jobs" (she works in a shoe store part-time. She's only 15!) I was floored that in this day and age, a father would actually try to CONVINCE their child to drop out of school and go work. Just seems really backwards to me.
Originally Posted By vbdad55 ^^^^^^^^^^ understand some people don't want others ( even relatives & kids ) to be more successful than they are. Just curious, what non- dead end job does Dadaroo have?
Originally Posted By vbdad55 Woody may be strongin what he is saying but there is a lot of truth to it.Parenting is the hardest job I have ever had inmy life- and I have had some that people would consider high level,ultra stressful etc.... I have a 24 year old and a 14 year old - so I think I have at least some perspective on this. There are times that people have to step up to the plate and not be liked by their kids ( for a short period of time) - not be their kids best friend ( they don't consider you such in their teenage years anyway) - and damn unpopular. I have been called the meanest parent in our neighborhood, school, world at times by my oldest.I am the father who didn;t allow sleepover until much older and never co-ed, I policed drinking ( had some help in that she had a full ride athletic scholarship riding on staying out of this also) - etc etc etc. There are times I went to sleep wondering if I was doing the right thing - as other parents I knew basically let their kids do whatever the hell they wanted as long as the kids pretended ( key word) to like them. When a child yells at you and tell s you that they hate you - the words can be searing. BUT - I can tell you now with a 24 year old- she wants me to be even harder on her 14 year old sister - telling me of all the things I was able to keep her from - thanking me for making her take 4 years of science and 4 years of math in high school..... thanking me for checking homework and grades every few days .... It took a while to get this feedback - but I feel good about it right now. My youngest willnot like some of the things I will 'police' over - but that's OK. I want her to be successful. I work youth motivation in the Chicago Public schools ( of which I am agraduate). Like most inner city school systems the dropout rate at many of the schools exceeds 50%. I take my role very seriously trying to convince these kids what is important for their future. I stand as a perfect example of someone who grew up poor and although I couldn't breezethru anything school wise because I worked full time - I have multiple degrees and have been fairly successful. I have a lot of friends who went the other way. I am not naive. Not every child will make it..siutations sometimes overwhelm kids and families.Not every kid is goingto go to college, or graduate HS- but if you choose to drop out of HS do it for a good reason ( have to support your family )- and finihs your GED immediately. Then try and get a trade / skill - something where you can make more than minimum wage during your life. As a parent I can only say, make the decisions that 10 or 20 years from now you will look back and say, I did the best I could. If you can do that, then you did your job. The toughest job on the planet.
Originally Posted By Mr X Well said, VBDad... Parenting is the ultimate challenge, and sometimes it doesn't work out "the way you want" despite your best efforts. But, if you try your best, and your children know you love and support them, well then the chips will fall and life goes on... The main thing is, kids are people too. Every one is unique, some are troubled, some are easy to deal with, but every one of them craves love, attention, appreciation, and (at times) a good talking to. Woody is being incredibly naive in his comments here, and I find it hard to believe he has much experience in such matters. One thing I will say, is that the most centered and successful folks I've encountered have all told me pretty much the same thing about their family..."they love me no matter what, and I love and appreciate them for what they've done". If you finish your parenting role with a similar sentiment, you've done good. No matter what situation the person ends up in (at a certain point, it's all up to them and everyone knows that).
Originally Posted By dshyates Woody comes from the Michael Savage school of parenting. "Stop acting like a moron, you stupid moron". Problem solved.
Originally Posted By mele Well, woody wasn't talking about anybody's parenting...he was specifically criticizing MY parenting. It's absurd for him to say that I'm being permissive and am not exerting any parental control. Gee, I never thought about trying that. Exactly how am I supposed to exert control over someone who cares about nothing, is taller and stronger than me and knows the ins and outs of the system and knows he can get away with pretty much everything? My son isn't afraid of police, isn't afraid to spend time in jail (he's done lots of it), he has no belongings because we've restricted them and/or he's lost them, he starved off an extra 50 lbs (that he gained after we took him off all of the different medications we had him on). He refuses to shower or do anything. woody's WISE solution was to kick a 13 year old disabled child out onto the street. Guess what, that's illegal. My son had been on the run for months. I left town for 2 days and had the police call me and threaten (numerous times) that I was going to be charged with child neglect and was criticized for my "poor planning" for leaving town. I realize your children are almost grown, vbdad, but until you've got a child like mine, one who WILL NOT change his behavior no matter how much you, the school, or law enforcement threatens, a child who no medical doctors can seem to help, it's ridiculous to throw out BS comments about parenting. If you haven't gone through it, you can't comment. I wouldn't wish this sort of thing on my worst enemy. If I'm such a horrible, lax mother, why is my other child a "perfect" student and citizen? I guess that's just luck, huh? Nothing to do with my parenting skills.
Originally Posted By mele Oops, sorry vbdad, your comments weren't BS, woody's were. Sorry about that.
Originally Posted By Mr X ***Woody comes from the Michael Savage school of parenting. "Stop acting like a moron, you stupid moron". Problem solved.*** Boy howdy.
Originally Posted By vbdad55 <Parenting is the ultimate challenge, and sometimes it doesn't work out "the way you want" despite your best efforts. But, if you try your best, and your children know you love and support them, well then the chips will fall and life goes on... The main thing is, kids are people too. Every one is unique, some are troubled, some are easy to deal with, but every one of them craves love, attention, appreciation, and (at times) a good talking to. < absolutely true -- one can do everything as a parent to the best level of ability and sometimes things don't work out. It's one of the risks of becoming a parent.Kids don't come with a guarantee of success - so as long as you put your best effort in - that's all one can do.
Originally Posted By vbdad55 <Oops, sorry vbdad, your comments weren't BS, woody's were. Sorry about that.< glad I read this before I responded -- as I said sometimes one does all they can and it doesn't work out. And some parents do squat and somehow their kids succeed - go figure. There are no guarantees. As long as you know in your heart you have done all you can - it's all you can do. I also wouldn't wish it upon anyone.....
Originally Posted By Mr X Mele, sounds like an incredibly difficult situation...I wish you the best and hope that your son comes around. It's apparent that you are trying your damnedest to do what is right, and that is ALL you can do. Don't beat yourself up, as I mentioned before all kids are different and they are people in their own right and some of them go astray sometimes...that's NOT your fault if you've done your best. I do hope things work out well in the long run...sometimes people get lost, and they often find their way back. Be a safe port, when the time is right (if that makes sense).
Originally Posted By dshyates Mele, my parents had similar issues with my brother (I was the good kid). To let you know, my brother is still alive (surprisingly) and giving them hell and he's 46. Hang in there, the best advice I can give is that after he turns 18, stop bailing him out. Literally and figuratively. Let him know that you love him and want the best for him. But sometimes the best for him hurts beyond belief. Everyone has to pick thier own path. And it seems as if he has picked his. Take my 2¢ for what its worth, and you won't even be able to buy a piece of bubble gum with that. Hugs and love for a caring mom.
Originally Posted By Liberty Belle >>Just curious, what non- dead end job does Dadaroo have?<< I have to giggle a little as I reply to this. He's a gardener. Which is fine, naturally, but I don't know that he should really be lecturing his daughter. Also, he left school in year ten. (So did Dad, and he's become *very* successful but that was the '60s, and a bit different). Mele, I hope things turn around for you - it sounds like a terrible situation. *hugs*
Originally Posted By mele Thanks, guys. It's greatly appreciated. Thankfully, I've met lots of people who have had difficult children and the kids have turned out okay. Just gotta keep praying!
