Originally Posted By Dave Well what ever you do don't get married again, we dont need you to have to change your screen name jk
Originally Posted By Labuda Jazz - originally we had planned to be roommates in a 3-4 bedroom house with another party or two, but have decided that after this lease is up we'll no longer share a roof. At least not for a year or two. I'll be moving about 3 miles north of here into a house that my brother owns. It also is conveniently located near the three places I play poker, so I'm happy with that. I'm just right now hoping that Eric doesn't move all the way down to San Marcos like he's thinking he might... but, time will tell...
Originally Posted By Labuda Dave - you know he took MY name, right? I was born a Labuda and I will die a Labuda! Eric, OTOH, will just die a Labuda. He was going to change his name, but we talked about it and I'm ok with him keeping it since he's never getting married again. As for me getting married again - time will tell. I have a feeling I might, I just have ZERO idea who. Though Johnny Depp would be an ok choice. Or Colin Ferrell.
Originally Posted By JazzCat But Maier is such a wonderful name! (It's my mom's maiden name, remember?)
Originally Posted By TiggerPooh1973 I agree with Jeff too. I am glad things seem to be transitioning smoothly for you Ann. I wish you nothing but the best!
Originally Posted By Jim in Merced CA Hey Labuda. You seem to be quite positive in your decision, and that a good thing. You split with a spouse and you're not hating. That's good. For me, as I read the outcome of the situation, I might as well be reading a foreign language. The whole concept of 'not being married, but being friends instead' just doesn't register in my mind. I get being friendly after a divorce, and not creating a voodoo doll of the ex, and wishing them a life filled with unhappiness. Sure. But being roommates after the divorce? Again, it just wouldn't work for me. When I split from my ex 10 years ago, that was it. In fact her words to me 'You'll never see me again' were absolutely true. After the papers were drawn up and signed, we parted, and we've not seen each other since. I wish her all the happiness in the world -- but I sure as heck don't want to get together and have a drink with her, or send her a Christmas Card. Let alone be her roommate. Perhaps I'm just not as evolved -- and again, Labuda, I'm not passing judgment here - truly. On the contrary, I commend your openness and big heart. Congrats!
Originally Posted By Dave >>>>>You split with a spouse and you're not hating. That's good<<< Jim, Not all people hate their ex's. My ex and I spilt when Stephanie was 6 (shes now 22) and we get along better then ever. In fact she came to work at the place I work and is now my boss (her parents own the place) but all is good. I even gave her $300.00 in Disney dollars and got them a ressie at Club 33 for a wedding present. Divorce doesnt always have to be bad.
Originally Posted By Jim in Merced CA <Jim, Not all people hate their ex's. > I realize that Dave. I don't hate my ex either. I just don't want to hang out with her. Or work for her. Or send her gifts. Now, if you have children together, that's another story -- you certainly have to remain civil. Different strokes. That's what makes the world go 'round.
Originally Posted By Kennesaw Tom I always feel ackward responding to people in situations like this. I guess whats important Labuda is that you and Erik are happy with your decision and we are here as friends if you think you need to talk about anything.
Originally Posted By LuLu I guess I'm less evolved than JiM, as I really don't get the "best friends but can't be married" concept. Yet 3 people on here have shared that. I just can't get beyond wondering "why wouldn't you want to be married to your best friend?" And if you can't be happily married to your best friend, than who can you? Of course, you're obviously doing what works for both of you, so that's good.
Originally Posted By Jim in Merced CA <I just can't get beyond wondering "why wouldn't you want to be married to your best friend?"> Thanks for posting that Lulu. That's where the disconnect is for me. If everything is so amicable, why split? Is it more a psychological thing, where 'married' makes you feel a certain way? But yeah, it was with a sigh of relief that I read your comments, Lulu. With my comments here, and my feelings negative about 'The Dark Knight' I was beginning to feel like I'm from another planet.
Originally Posted By LuLu Thanks JiM, 'cause I felt the same way about your post - glad you said it first! And my questions are pretty rhetorical - *I* sure don't have the answers!! (Especially the 2nd one!)
Originally Posted By SoThisIsLove <<I even gave her $300.00 in Disney dollars and got them a ressie at Club 33 for a wedding present.>> <---I cannot be alone in wishing I was Dave's ex just long enough to qualify. LOL! <<I really don't get the "best friends but can't be married">> Dear, dear friends of ours divorced two years ago and described themselves in exactly the same terms. There must be something there, huh? Inexplicable, but valid. This has got me doing some serious soul-searching...DH and I are so different in so many ways...certainly not "best friend" in any of my past best girlfriends. Hmm. Maybe we're "best opposites". ???
Originally Posted By -em >>"best friends but can't be married"<< Its hard to explain.. but I understand it all to well- The person that for all intensive purposes was my husband (we just kept pushing off making it legal) for 5 years are the exact same- he to this day is one of my all time favorite people and one of the few I trust whole heartily but I couldnt be married to him. There are just to many things I have to do my way and he his and despite how hard we've tried its not compatible and in the end drove a wedge we couldnt ignore. Being best friends means most of the issues dont affect our relationship (money, etc) and we can focus on what was good..
Originally Posted By Lisann22 I'm cruising in the same car as JiM and LuLu. I'm happy for Labuda if this works for her. I'm not sure if I can put into words but I'll try: breaking up was as intense as the feeling of being in love. LuLu you took the words rattling in my brain and said it best. If we can be that great of friends, than I want to be married to that person. Not to derail the thread Ann, different strokes for different folks.
Originally Posted By LuLu I totally get having a partner drive you crazy - my 2nd thought was, if I can't be happily married to my best friend (and I didn't consider my ex that, but anyway...) then can I make it work with anyone? I think for me the answer is "probably not" - I'm a loner anyway so I'm OK with that. For those who are younger and still hopeful, I hope that you can make it work with someone else. Again, sorry to derail but this just brings up the soul-searching, as STIL said!
Originally Posted By Jim in Merced CA The 'loner' aspect caught my attention, Lulu. Mrs. Jim in Merced and I are both loners by nature. We really, really enjoy each other, and love being married, but we both tend to be shy in social settings. Which in our relationship works well. When I was married before, my ex always wanted people around. The more the merrier. Gatherings for work, bar-be-ques at the house with 'friends,' double dating, big noisy group meetings at bars. Like many people, she gets energized around large numbers of people. I can handle myself and be gregarious and friendly -- I just find that at the end of an 'event' I'm exhausted and drained. Maybe it would have been different had we gotten along better....but I digress. I wonder if it has something to do with the 'loner' aspect that you mention Lulu. Hmmmmm.... With those who remain friends with ex-spouses and ex-significant others -- how on earth do you make that transition? I can't imagine. Thanks for allowing us to discuss this topic in your thread Labuda -- it's really rather interesting.
Originally Posted By SoThisIsLove It is...it just triggered a long-repressed memory of mine. I was 5 or 6, living in Vista, CA. My mom tried to get me interested in the Bluebirds (like a pre-cursor to Girl Scouts or Campfire Girls or something) I came home from school one day to find a bunch, of strange little girls there. They were having the meeting at our home. I freaked. Ran away and hid. Heard my mom calling. Did not appear until all of those strange people had left. I've never been the party girl, ever. Only around true and good friends. There might be a little bit of "loner" in all of us. I could tell you more, but it would be boring at best. Yeah, this really is an interesting topic.
Originally Posted By JazzCat As (probably) one of the three people that Lulu mentioned, I would like to respond. For me, I can tell C.J. anything knowing he won't judge me. But our "chemistry" just doesn't work. I think it would be much the same if you married someone just because you are attracted to them and your chemistry is the basis of your relationship. You can't be in a good marriage if only the "best friend" aspect is working or the chemistry is working. A really good marriage needs to have both. Now, I'm not saying that I'm not attracted to C.J. (far from it!) but this is not the place to air our dirty laundry so I will shut up now.
Originally Posted By davewasbaloo Don't worry Lulu, I too am not as "evolved". I would have thought it either works or it doesn't.
