Originally Posted By Labuda Trust me, y'all - I completely understand how my situation may be strange to you. Heck, it's strange to me that my two best friends are both men that I used to be in relationships with. I think a big part of it could be that loner thing mentioned above. I can have a great time at a party or a poker tourney, but I'm just as happy, if not happier, sitting here on my couch watching tv or reading a book. In fact, I crave that sometimes. Anyhow, for me & Eric, the big disconnect is that our interests in one VERY BIG area are no longer the same. He does not want to remain in a committed relationship and I don't want to keep him from being happy. Anyhow, I have my first date tonight and while I'm looking forward to it, part of me is a bit freaked that this this guy is only 26. Thank goodness I'm not actually old enough to be a cougar! Wow, first date in over a decade... trippy. But at least we know we get along and both like sports and poker.
Originally Posted By davewasbaloo Thanks for sharing Jazzy. I suppose I am blinded by the fact I have to have both to be happy. I was once in a 4 year relationship and engaged to be married. My partner wanted to split but remain friends, and it tore me apart (especially when I saw her with another). I am blessed, because although Sarah and I are Yin and Yang, she is my best friend. I want to share my every thought and emotion. WE have both given up hobbies, interests and friends because it is time apart from each other (I can never understand couples that take seperate vacations - heck I only golf once every 4 years or so because it is time apart - unless it's work related, I don't want to be apart). And she is hotter and sexier to me than the day we met or got married. If any of that ever died, I don't know if we could stay together. And I don't believe in keeping it together for kids, that to me seems to do more harm than good.
Originally Posted By davewasbaloo Labuda - my heart goes out to you and your love. You take care and good luck.
Originally Posted By jkayjs Ann I rarely make it over to this area but am glad I did today. I don't think you know but Mr.jkayjs isn't my 1st husband. I was married when I was in college. I have not seen or heard from him since the day I left FL to come back to the midwest. The story is long and tedious. I'm know that you will make the best of what comes your way. I'm glad you decided to strike out on your own. I think this will make the friendship with Eric more solid. You know there is a Prince out there for you if you want him. I found mine and 33yrs later it's better than it was @ the beginning. Of course it helps that we share some of our most important interests but still have some of our own. Ann you know how much I value you. You are one of rare folks that trys to lift up those around you. Take care and if you'ld like to talk I'm here.
Originally Posted By leemac <<WE have both given up hobbies, interests and friends because it is time apart from each other (I can never understand couples that take seperate vacations - heck I only golf once every 4 years or so because it is time apart - unless it's work related, I don't want to be apart).>> Wow. Different strokes I guess. I couldn't imagine anything worse than living in each other's pockets. There is no way I would give up any of my hobbies, pastimes or other interests for anyone - and I don't have an issue if the other person isn't interested. IMHO you don't need to share everything in life to have a good relationship. We have friends together and friends on our own - it doesn't bother us at all. We probably spend less than 50% of our social life together (but then we don't have kids). I'm away with work or play about 9 months of the year and that seems to work just fine. Absence doesn't necessarily make the heart grow fonder but if it works for you then great. My parents worked and lived together for most of their marriage (and they are still married but don't work together any more) and they fought like cats and dogs but still love one another. I never got it personally but that is life.
Originally Posted By Labuda Freaky. Fun, but freaky. Anyhow, I'm going to be stuck on this 9-year age difference for a while, but as long as we continue to get along, I think Mike is a good rebound guy to have! lol We had dinner then went to a poker game where I proceeded to take him out within 5 minutes of being sent to his table. heh One thing dawned on me today, though, when I saw my friend Lynn having a disagreement with her fiance - if Mike irks me, I can just stop seeing him. Wooo, freedom!
Originally Posted By gottaluvdavillains <<<WE have both given up hobbies, interests and friends because it is time apart from each other (I can never understand couples that take seperate vacations - heck I only golf once every 4 years or so because it is time apart - unless it's work related, I don't want to be apart).>> I am with leemac on this one - I would NEVER ask my DH to give up his music or musican friends to only be with me - and he would never ask me to only hang out with him and the music scene (btw he plays classic rock - I prefer country)! If we gave up our hobbies and friends part of each of us would be missing - I fell in love with the whole man - not just the part that pays attention to me... And I vacation regularly without him - he doesn't enjoy amusement parks and zoo's like the kids and I do...
Originally Posted By davewasbaloo Well I have never asked her, and she has never asked me. But to me, a relationship is about give and take. So that's what we try to do. I have seen too many marriages fall apart because the couples drift apart leading seperate lives. Personally, I don't want to lead a seperate life, but my career forces me to a degree.
Originally Posted By gottaluvdavillains Dave I find your view on this quite interesting - you mention how much you work and that you often don't see the kids or Sarah much because of work and your commute yet then you say - <WE have both given up hobbies, interests and friends because it is time apart from each other > While I can see when you are home spending most of your time together with Sarah and the kids would be of utmost importance to all of you - I find it interesting you wouldn't encourage Sarah and the children to have many friends and hobbies to fill their time with while you are gone. I think the biggest difference in your situation is your work takes so much time from you and your family that anytime you are together you only want to be with them... This makes total sense and your family should be a priority. However my Dh doesn't leave for work until after the kids go to school (gottaluv telecommuting) and we see him everynight. We have a family dinner 6 out of 7 nights a week - Even if his band is playing we see him before the gig. If I spent all my time in bars watching him play I would be misserable and my kids would suffer. If he gave up his music it would be like part of him died. The music was part of him before we met - I knew what it meant to him the day we married - I also knew that with each child we have had. They see their father persuing his passion and dreams - while still supporting us in a fashion that allows me to be home with them. I guess we take what we have and either it works or doesn't... For us having lives that revolve around other interests but still come together every night works.
Originally Posted By davewasbaloo Well we both have given up hobbies to a degree. I used to golf quite a bit before marriage, but 6 hours away from the family is not good on a regular basis because of work. Sarah used to be an activist with child line and rang the church bells in our 13th Century High Church. Again, because we see so little of each other, and I cannot be relied on to baby sit, she too has given these up so we can be together. But Sarah is into crafts (I have little interest, but when we vacation I will go to craft stores or museum displays). Sarah does not share my passion for electronics, politics or music (so we do different things together). She still reads and they go out during the week. But it is not the same thing as before. And before kids, we used to dance a lot too - line dancing, latin, ballroom (no time for that either). It would probably be very different if I were like your hubby. But like I say, I would still be careful how much time I was spending apart. Almost all of my peers who are divorced are down to the fact they started leading seperate lives.
Originally Posted By gottaluvdavillains <But like I say, I would still be careful how much time I was spending apart. Almost all of my peers who are divorced are down to the fact they started leading seperate lives.> Well after 18 years and raising one incrediably difficult ADHD child (other three are much easier no ADHD)... We are more in love now than the day we married - which I never thought possible - so it works for us!
