Originally Posted By chickendumpling Oh, Trippy. Oh. I am so, so, so sorry. I know how hard this has been for you. Your post in #61 really touched me. A lot. Thank you for sharing it. I'm so glad you had that exchange with your brother. What a beautiful memory. I hope you continue to be able to take comfort from it and all the good memories you have. (((((((((RT))))))))))
Originally Posted By Inspector 57 <<Your post in #61 really touched me. A lot. Thank you for sharing it.>> Me, too. Thank you for sharing that, RT. Over the months that my Dad was dying, there was an unspoken understanding among my family that we wouldn't explicitly acknowledge that his cancer was terminal. I don't know whether that norm was somehow generated by my father or whether it came from the rest of us, collectively. I remember that I wanted to break the silence and have an "I want to make sure you know that I love you despite the differences we've had" conversation with him. But I acquiesced to the norm and never initiated that conversation. I'm pretty sure that he and I both made attempts to express that sentiment to each other, but we were stuck playing the "can't talk about it" game and it all ended up being phrased in some unnecessarily macho code. Good for you, Jerry, for *making* that conversation happen. That took courage. I'm so happy for you -- and for your brother -- that you were both able to explicitly acknowledge that it was all good between you. A silver lining, I guess, in what is surely a dark cloud. Again, I'm so sorry for your loss.
Originally Posted By RoadTrip <<I'm pretty sure that he and I both made attempts to express that sentiment to each other, but we were stuck playing the "can't talk about it" game and it all ended up being phrased in some unnecessarily macho code. Good for you, Jerry, for *making* that conversation happen. That took courage. I'm so happy for you -- and for your brother -- that you were both able to explicitly acknowledge that it was all good between you.>> Much of the credit for that goes to my brother. He faced the whole thing head-on from the beginning. The Oncologist told my brother that the chemo available for pancreatic cancer patients was to provide comfort, not a cure. He went on to say that unlike most chemo, he would most likely not suffer from nausea or hair loss. My brother's response? "Well thank God at least I won't be bald when I die!" This was rather amusing at the time seeing how he was at least 75% bald to begin with. I also went to visit him once when he was shifting around in his bed trying to get comfortable. He said to me "Hold on just a sec Jer... I'm trying to get comfortable here in my death bed". From the start neither one of us tried to BS the other about his condition. Sometimes when we visited I would start complaining about some minor thing and then be hit with the obvious. I would tell my brother that I felt kind of stupid... that I was worrying about pretty minor stuff compared to his dying. He would respond telling me that I should go ahead and complain… that I might still have my problems 6 months from now and he wouldn’t. Frankly, I was overwhelmed by some of the conversations that we had. Once I asked him if he was scared of dying. His response was that yes, he was certainly scared of dying; but then went on to tell me his feelings about the death process and anticipated afterlife that just absolutely blew me away. This might sound really stupid, but my brother’s finest hours came while he was dying. I can not imagine anyone being able to accept a painful and certain death with as much class as my brother did. During the course of our lives there were times when I really questioned some of my brother’s choices and judgments. But all of that seems so terribly irrelevant compared to what he did over the past couple of months. My brother is truly my hero, and I would have never thought that was even remotely possible just three months ago. I love him more than I ever realized.
Originally Posted By Kar2oonMan >>During the course of our lives there were times when I really questioned some of my brother’s choices and judgments. But all of that seems so terribly irrelevant compared to what he did over the past couple of months. My brother is truly my hero, and I would have never thought that was even remotely possible just three months ago. I love him more than I ever realized.<< That's a wonderful tribte to your brother, RT. And I'm especially glad you were able to tell each other that.
Originally Posted By TALL Disney Guy Obviously it's been bittersweet the last few months, but it's been very touching reading what you had to say about him. (((((Trippy)))))
Originally Posted By MomofPrincess I am terribly sorry. My most heartfelt condolences go out to you & your family.
Originally Posted By sherrytodd Roadtrip, just checking in on you and reading some of your thoughts. Your brother sounds wonderful. I'm glad you were able to share those moments with him. I know this time is hard. I'm still praying for strength and comfort for you.
Originally Posted By Mary Poppins THank-you for sharing your journey of the last days of your brother's life, Roadtrip. He was a special person, but then so are you! Walk on in peace and love.
Originally Posted By Labuda Just read post 81. Your brother sounds like an incredible human being, Trippy.
Originally Posted By disney pete Trippy im amile behind on LP im only just catching up i am so dearly sorry for the loss of your little brother life is so cruel at times hope you have a lot of fond memories to treasure thinking of you and all your family at this time.
Originally Posted By lasvegasgirl just found this thread. so sorry for your loss. bless you and your family during this tough time.........
Originally Posted By MissCandice I too just found this thread. I am glad that your brother is not suffering anymore. My thoughts are with you as you deal with this.
Originally Posted By mousegrl I'm so sorry for your pain and loss. My heartfelt thoughts are with you.
Originally Posted By wonderingalice Thank you, RT, for sharing so much of your experience with your brother. It really is a blessing that you two were able to have those times together. *HUGS* My little brother passed away suddenly - at home, alone (his wife had left for a brief time to go grocery shopping) - during a diabetic reaction. His diabetes had been unstable for awhile, but no one in my family was prepared for this. Kevin comes visiting in my dreams now... I wish with all my heart I'd had the opportunity to tell him everything you told your little brother.
