Originally Posted By LVBelle Not to me. Sorry, I've been reading this whole time and sitting on my hands. I don't understand why helping another LPer was a good enough cause to contact your father but finding your daughter's father is not a good enough cause. I would do ANYTHING for my son and if my husband disappeared, I would move heaven and earth to find out what happened so that he could continue his relationship if at all possible. I'm sorry if this comes across as an attack, I don't mean it to be. I'm just truly puzzled.
Originally Posted By Longhorn12 >Not trying to dump. As I said, I just don't get it.< You don't have to.
Originally Posted By piratebrittany I have a hard time imagining LVBelle has any malicious intent towards Katie. LVBelle being a fellow mother, I would think she's trying to understand to situation in order to offer some help or advice. But perhaps I'm reading her wrong?
Originally Posted By KatieKate123 I def understand where you are coming from LVbelle. A month ago I would feel that was attack but I am starting to live with the fact that he's not coming back and that we are now the three musketeers. I am moving heaven and earth to find my husband. My pastor, is talking to another pastor in Mexico, and calling this number that I found on his phone b/c I do not understand this guy. THough I do speak ok spanish, I am def not fluent while she is. I have been contacting our lawyer, and am saving up to hire a private invesigator, so I am trying to find some closure, and also if my husband is in trouble, I want to help and I know he's too stuborn to tell me. Anyways my dad has many faults, and I don't like thinking about them because they are still really painful. To give you a quick summary my dad and I used to talk on the phone when I was a child maybe every month or so. When I hit 18 I moved in with a really cool group of people. Problem is they were hispanic. Well that was the end of my father's and my realtionship for a long time. I understand that he dosen't like them, and that he is racist. He will not come out and say this, but he thinks that he is better than them. This is the reason I won't ask him for help. I do not like to concentrate on this because I try to see people for their good side. My dad had to become a man way to fast. His father died when he was 17 and he was the oldest of 8 children. SO he had to grow up and help out. He nver really was a child though, so he became a stern and stubborn man.
Originally Posted By LVBelle Thank you PB and Katie for understanding my intentions. I wish you and your girls the best, Katie!
Originally Posted By TiggerPooh1973 >>Not trying to dump. As I said, I just don't get it. You don't have to.<< No, she doesn't have to. But seeing as this is a public forum where this was posted, she does have the right to ask or add her two cents. At least her post wasn't misunderstood by the person it was directed to.
Originally Posted By tashajilek Katie, im really glad that you are movin g along with your life. Your husband is the one who is going to have to live with the guilt of what he put your family through. I really wish you and your little girls the best.
Originally Posted By TXDISNEYNERD I'm glad to hear you are hanging in there Katie. I'm also really glad you understood LVBelle's intention and didn't take it personally. I'm sure you are emotional with everything going on, and it really impressed me that instead of creating a bad situation and jumping to an incorrect conclusion, you just answered the question and kept it a mature discussion.
Originally Posted By iamsally I check here once in a while to see how things are going KK. I know what it is like to have to keep things *normal* while raising children through a crisis. It can take a long time to feel again. I hope you are taking care of yourself with bubble baths, herbal teas and other relaxing things.(Bubble baths tend to be my preferred relaxation method.)
Originally Posted By KatieKate123 Thanks everyone. I think my solution has been showers lots of warm showers. It's where I can cry without my kids know thats what I am doing. I stay strong in front of them, tell them he's coming home though I dont know anymore, and I do 1 hour of searching a day. This is usually in the morning and when that hour is up, I am not allowed to think about trying to find him until the next day. The first few weeks I searched and searched and searched. I prob will continue searching until I have answers but it's going to be done in a limited time. The other thing I do is look for him every time I come home. Lately I have been having dreams that have me waking up at weird hours. Where I start to scream because he is standing in my room just looking at us sleep. I don't know what this means though. After I wake up and see him there (this is also part of the dream) he gives me a hug and tells me that he's sorry and that he did everything he could to get back.
Originally Posted By u k fan I think the brain needs an outlet for dealing with the crap that you are going through subconciously. A month or so after my Sister died I was doing okay accepting it, but I had some really crazy dreams (mostly about her or being at the church where the funeral was or some other aspect of what had happened). I was fine by day, but I believe it was my mind blowing off the steam I wouldn't let out during the day. This sounds very similar.
Originally Posted By wahooskipper Obviously I don't know the facts but any man who would make a woman feel as you are feeling Katie is, well...in a word...pathetic. Assuming this is intentional then you come to terms with this knucklhead's actions as quickly as you can and put him behind you. There are good men out there.
Originally Posted By amazedncal2 Katie, I think the 1 hour a day is PERFECT! Allow yourself to work on getting answers and then move on with your day.
Originally Posted By Labuda Ok, so... I'm not a parent and am totally talking out of my bum here, BUT... regarding this: "tell them he's coming home though I dont know anymore" wouldn't it be better to not lie to the kids? Just to find a way to tell them Daddy is gone now and may not ever be back?
Originally Posted By wahooskipper There are plenty of times I try to avoid giving the kids too much information...but I really try to avoid lying to them at all costs. When you lose a kid's trust it is hard to get it back and I want my kids to know they can come to me for the important stuff.
Originally Posted By KatieKate123 They do understand that I don't know if daddy's coming home or not. I tell them that I believe he's coming home, because I do. I honestly believe at some point he will contact us or that I will find him. But I agree I guess I just got used to telling them that at first when I still believed it myself that it stuck. Oh and I agree about my brain letting off steam with dreams. It's just weird b/c I honestly never remembered dreams b/f this.
Originally Posted By KatieKate123 They do understand that I don't know if daddy's coming home or not. I tell them that I believe he's coming home, because I do. I honestly believe at some point he will contact us or that I will find him. But I agree I guess I just got used to telling them that at first when I still believed it myself that it stuck. Oh and I agree about my brain letting off steam with dreams. It's just weird b/c I honestly never remembered dreams b/f this.
