Originally Posted By FaMulan A Public Service Announcement: Interesting comparison between Butter and Margarine. Both have the same amount of calories. Butter is slightly higher in saturated fats at 8 grams compared to 5 grams. Eating margarine can increase heart disease in women by 53% over eating the same amount of butter according to a recent Harvard Medical Study. Eating butter increases the absorption of many other nutrients in other foods. Butter has many nutritional benefits where margarine has a few only because they are added! Butter tastes much better than margarine and it can enhance the flavors of other foods. Butter has been around for centuries where margarine has been around for less than 100 years. Now for Margarine.. Very high in Trans Fatty Acids... Triple risk of Coronary Heart Disease... Increases total cholesterol and LDL (this is the bad cholesterol) Lowers HDL cholesterol, (the good cholesterol) ..... Increases the risk of cancers by up to five fold.. Lowers quality of breast milk ... Decreases immune response... Decreases insulin response. And here is the most disturbing fact.... HERE IS THE PART THAT IS VERY INTERESTING! Margarine is but ONE MOLECULE away from being PLASTIC...This fact alone was enough to have me avoiding margarine for life and anything else that is hydrogenated (this means hydrogen is added, changing the molecular structure of the substance). YOU can try this yourself: purchase a tub of margarine and leave it in your garage or shaded area. Within a couple of days you will note a couple of things: no flies, not even those pesky fruit flies will go near it (that should tell you something) ... it does not rot or smell differently...because it has no nutritional value, nothing will grow on it...even those teeny weeny microorganisms will not a find a home to grow. Why? Because it is nearly plastic. Would you melt your Tupperware and spread that on your toast? Share This With Your Friends.
Originally Posted By FaMulan A Public Service Announcement For Women: Ovarian Cancer Test: An Eye Opener on Ovarian Cancer...I hope you all take the time to read this and pass it on to all you can. Send this to the women in your life that you care about. Years ago, Gilda Radner died of ovarian cancer. Her symptoms were inconclusive, and she was treated for everything under the sun until it was too late. This blood test finally identified her illness but alas, too late. She wrote a book to heighten awareness. Gene Wilder is her widower. KATHY'S STORY: (this is the story of Kathy West) I have Primary Peritoneal Cancer. This cancer has only recently been identified as its OWN type of cancer, but it is essentially Ovarian Cancer. Both types of cancer are diagnosed in the same way, with the "tumor marker" CA-125 BLOOD TEST, and they are treated in the same way -surgery to remove the primary tumor and then chemotherapy with Taxol and Carboplatin. Having gone through this ordeal, I want to save others from the same fate. That is why I am sending this message to you and hope you will print it and give it or send it via E-mail to everybody you know. One thing I have learned is that each of us must take TOTAL responsibility for our own health care. I thought I had done that because I always had an annual physical and PAP smear, did a monthly Self-Breast Exam, went to the dentist at least twice a year, etc. I even insisted on a sigmoidoscopy and a bone density test last year. When I had a total hysterectomy in 1993, I thought that I did not have to worry about getting any of the female reproductive organ cancers. LITTLE DID I KNOW. I don't have ovaries (and they were HEALTHY when they were removed), but I have what is essentially ovarian cancer. Strange, isn't it? These are just SOME of the things our Doctors never tell us: ONE out of every 55 women will get OVARIAN or PRIMARY PERITONEAL CANCER. The "CLASSIC" symptoms are an ABDOMEN that rather SUDDENLY ENLARGES and CONSTIPATION and/or DIARRHEA. I had these classic symptoms and went to the doctor. Because these symptoms seemed to be abdominal", I went to a gastroenterologist. He ran tests that were designed to determine whether there was a bacteria infection; these tests were negative, and I was diagnosed with "Irritable Bowel Syndrome". I guess I would have accepted this diagnosis had it not been for my enlarged abdomen. I swear to you, it looked like I was 4-5 months pregnant! I therefore insisted on more tests. They took an X-ray of my abdomen; it was negative. I was again assured that I had Irritable Bowel Syndrome and was encouraged to go on my scheduled month-long trip to Europe. I couldn't wear any of my slacks or shorts because I couldn't get them buttoned, and I KNEW something was radically wrong. I INSISTED on more tests, and they reluctantly) scheduled me for a CT-Scan (just to shut me up, I think). This is what I mean by "taking charge of our own health care." The CT-Scan showed a lot of fluid in my abdomen (NOT normal). Needless to say, I had to cancel my trip and have FIVE POUNDS of fluid drained ( but NOTHING compared to what was ahead of me). Tests revealed cancer cells in the fluid. Finally, finally, finally, the doctor ran a CA-125 blood test, and I was properly diagnosed. I HAD THE CLASSIC SYMPTOMS FOR OVARIAN CANCER, AND YET THIS SIMPLE CA-125 BLOOD TEST HAD NEVER BEEN RUN ON ME, not as part of my annual physical examand not when I was ptomatic. This Is an inexpensive and simple blood test! PLEASE, PLEASE TELL ALL YOUR FEMALE FRIENDS AND RELATIVES TO INSIST ON A CA-125 BLOOD TEST EVERY YEAR AS PART OF THEIR ANNUAL PHYSICAL EXAMS. Be forewarned that their doctors might try to talk them out of it, saying, IT ISN'T NECESSARY." Believe me, had I known then what I know now, we would have caught my cancer much earlier (before it was a stage 3 cancer). Insist on the CA-125 BLOOD TEST; DO NOT take "NO" for an answer! The normal range for a CA-125 BLOOD TEST is between zero and 35. MINE WAS 754. (That's right, 754!). If the number is slightly above 35, you can have another done in three or six months and keep a close eye on it, just as women do when they have fibroid tumors or when men have a slightly elevated PSA test (Prostatic Specific Antigens) that helps diagnose prostate cancer. Having the CA-125 test done annually can alert you early, and that's the goal in diagnosing any type of cancer - catching it early. Do you know 55 women? If so, at least one of them will have this VERY AGGRESIVE cancer. Please, go to your doctor and insist on a CA-125 test and have one EVERY YEAR for the rest of your life. And forward this message to every woman you know, and tell all of your female family members and friends. Though the median age for this cancer is 56,(and, guess what, I'm exactly 56), women as young as 22 have it. Age is no factor. A NOTE FROM THE RN: Well, after reading this, I made some calls. I found that the CA-125 test is an ovarian sceening test equivalent to a man's PSA test prostate screen (which my husband's doctor automatically gives him in his physical each year and insurance pays for it). I called the general practitioner's office about having the test done. he had never heard of it. She told me that she doubted that insurance would pay for it. So I called Prudential Insurance Co., and got the same response. Never heard of it - it won't be covered. I explained that it was the same as the PSA test they had paid for my husband for years. After conferring with whomever they confer with, she told me that the CA-125 would be covered. It is $75 in a GP's office and $125 at the GYN's. This is a screening test that should be required just like a PAP smear (a PAP smear cannot detect problems with your ovaries). And you must insist that your insurance company pay for it. Gene Wilder and Pierce Brosnan (his wife had it, too) are lobbying for women's health issues, saying that this test would be required in our physicals, just like the PAP and the mammogram. I posted this because I'm facing an uncertain health in my female parts which hopefully be diagnosed today and treated. I am hoping for the best case scenario of either runaway hormones or another missed misscarriage. But Women tend to look out for everyone else at the expense of their own health. We need to change that, we need to remember that it is all about ourselves and make sure we stay healthy.
Originally Posted By FaMulan Thanks for asking MissCandice. My doc, after hearing what's been going on and making sure the status of my female parts was normal concluded that I am most likely peri-menopausal. I will be going back on a birth control prescription to get my hormones back in line. I'll chart my progress and if this doesn't work, or there are other changes, I'll call my doc right away.
Originally Posted By FaMulan And now back to our regularly scheduled silliness: If you have ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking...surely I cannot look that old? You may enjoy this short story.... While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered that a tall, handsome boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 30 years ago. Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, grey-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate. After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school. "Yes," he replied. " When did you graduate?" I asked. He answered, "In 1973. Why?" "You were in my class!" I exclaimed. He looked at me closely and then asked, "What did you teach?"
Originally Posted By FaMulan Happy Halloween Everyone!!! SOME THINGS TO KEEP IN MIND DURING THIS SEASON OF GHOSTS, GOBLINS AND GHOULS: If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move out. This also applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad, committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion. If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short circuits; just get out! Never read a book about demon summoning out loud -- even as a joke. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go it alone. If you're running from a monster, expect to trip and fall down at least twice, more if you're female. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shuffling along, it is still moving fast enough to catch you. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, or increasing hairiness, kill them immediately. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell. Stay away from certain geographical locations, including the Bermuda Triangle, Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, or any small town in Maine. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, crypt or any other house of the dead. Beware of strangers bearing tools: chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or devices made from deceased companions. Do not search the basement -- especially if the power has gone out. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around. And if your car runs out of gas do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think it is strange because you had 3/4 of a tank of gas, just shoot yourself instead. You are going to die and most likely be eaten. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead. And, when it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.
Originally Posted By FaMulan THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES * Six married men will be dropped on an island with 1 car and 4 kids each, for 6 weeks. * Each man must take care of his 4 kids, keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, etc. * Each kid plays two sports and either takes music or dance classes. * There is no access to fast food. * The men only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done. * There is only one TV between them ...and there is NO REMOTE. * The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, which they must apply themselves, either while driving or while making four lunches. * They must attend weekly PTA meetings; * Clean up after their sick children at 3:00 a.m.; * Make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; * and get a 4-year-old to eat a serving of peas. * * The kids vote them off the island, based on performance. * The last man wins... * but only if... * He has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice. * * * If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over again for the next 18-25 years ... eventually earning the right to be called "Mother."
Originally Posted By FaMulan This one is for all of you who either: a) have kids b) had kids who have now grown c) was a kid d) know a kid! *Gross out Alert* If you have a weak stomach, continue to the next topic. Daddy's Gonna Eat Your Fingers As I was trying to pack for a business trip, my 3-year-old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said, "Dad, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers. Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her fingers in my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers!" pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again. When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face. I said, "What's wrong honey?" She replied, "What happened to my booger?"
Originally Posted By FaMulan Cute little story: I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: "Hi, how are you?" I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restroom but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doin' just fine!" And the other guy says: "So what are you up to?" What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!" At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question. "Can I come over?" Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him, "No........I'm a little busy right now!!!" Then I hear the guy say nervously... "Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!!!"
Originally Posted By FaMulan An old man lived alone in the country. He wanted to plant his potato garden but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son, Fred, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament. Dear Fred, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me. Love, Dad A few days later the old man received a letter from his son. Dear Dad, For heaven's sake Dad, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the BODIES. Love, Fred At 4am the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son. Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Fred
Originally Posted By FaMulan This explains a lot... A.A.A.D.D. is Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests: I decided to wash my car. As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the hall table. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the trash can under the table, and notice that the trash can is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the trash first. But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the trash anyway, I may as well pay the bills first. I take my checkbook off the table, and see that there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking. I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. I notice the Coke is getting warm, and decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye. They need to be watered. I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we want to watch TV, we will be looking for the remote, but nobody will remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers. I splash some water on the flowers, but most of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do. At the end of the day the car isn't washed, the bills aren't paid, the trash hasn't been taken out, there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter, the flowers aren't watered, there is still only one check in my checkbook, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, and I don't remember what I did with the car keys. Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired. I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.
Originally Posted By FaMulan New Retirement Plan: If you had bought $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had bought $1,000.00 worth of Budweiser (the beer, not the stock) one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the 10-cent deposit, you would have $214.00. Based on the above, my current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. This is my new retirement program, I call it my 401-Keg program.
Originally Posted By FaMulan It is the year 2003 and Noah lives in the United States. The Lord speaks to Noah and says: "In one year I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark." In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark. "Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year." Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw Noah sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah." He shouted, "Where is the Ark?" "Lord please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best, but there were big problems. First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did not comply with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans. Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and floatation devices. Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission. I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service that I needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me catch any owls. So, no owls. The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Union. Now I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls. When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard. Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe. Then the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe. Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard! The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice from the state that I owe some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a recreational water craft." Finally the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is a religious event, therefore unconstitutional. I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!" Noah wailed. The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you are not going to destroy the earth, Lord?" "No," said the Lord sadly. . ."The government already has."
Originally Posted By FaMulan People over 25 should be dead. To the survivors: According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40's, 50's, 60's, 70's probably shouldn't have survived. Our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paint. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets, and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets. (Not to mention the risks we took hitchhiking.) As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was always a special treat. We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle. Horrors! We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this. We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing. We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the street lights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. No cell phones. Unthinkable. We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then rode down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem. We did not have Playstations, Nintendo 64, X-Boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, video tape movies, surround sound, personal cell phones, personal computers, or Internet chat rooms. We had friends! We went outside and found them. We fell out of trees, got cut and broke bones and teeth,and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate worms, and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes, nor did the worms live inside us forever. We rode bikes or walked to a friend's home and knocked on the door, or rang the bell or just walked in and talked to them. Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law. Imagine that! This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem solvers and inventors, ever. The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all. And you're one of them! Congratulations. Please pass this on to others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before lawyers and government regulated our lives, for our own good. Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors?
Originally Posted By FaMulan President Hillary Hillary Clinton gets elected President and is spending her first night in the White House. The ghost of George Washington appears, and Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?" Washington says, "Never tell a lie." "Ouch!" Says Hillary, "I don't know about that." The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears... Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?" Jefferson says, "Listen to the people." "Ohhh! I really don't want to do that." On the third night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln appears.... Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?" Lincoln says, "Go to the theater."
