Originally Posted By FaMulan NEW WAL-MART WINES BENTONVILLE, ARK(AP) Some Wal-Mart customers soon will be able to sample a new discount item - Wal-Mart's own brand of wine. The world's largest retail chain is teaming up with E&J Gallo Winery of Modesto, CA, to produce the spirits at an affordable price, in the $1-2 range. While wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to throw a bottle of Wal-Mart brand wine into their shopping carts, "There is a market not only for an inexpensive wine, but for a cheap wine", said Geri Baum, professor of marketing at Kork and Botillio University in Bristol, R.I. She added, "The right name is always an important factor." So, here we go with the top twelve suggested names for Wal-Mart wine: 12. Chateau Traileur Parc 11. White Trashfindel 10. Big Red Gulp 9. Grape Expectations 8. Domaine Wal-Mart "Merde du Pays" 7. NASCARbernet 6. Chef Boyardeaux 5. Peanut Noir 4. Chateau des Moines 3. I Can't Believe It's Not Vinegar! 2. World Championship Riesling And the Number One name for Wal-Mart Wine... 1. Nasti Spumante Now who says they don't know wine in Arkansas?
Originally Posted By FaMulan A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral...I'm a gynecologist." That's when the proctologist fainted
Originally Posted By FaMulan WHAT WOULD YOU DO? King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So the monarch offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death. The question: What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end. He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody: the princess, the prostitutes, the priests, the wise men, and the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. Many people advised him to consult the old witch -- only she would know the answer. The price would be high; the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged. Finally, the last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no alternative but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he had to accept her price first. The old witch wanted to marry Gawain, the most notable of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend! Young Arthur was horrified: she was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises.. etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature. He refused to force his friend to marry her and have to endure such a burden. Gawain, upon learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He told him that nothing was too big a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table. Hence, their wedding was proclaimed, and the witch answered Arthur thus: What a woman really wants is to be in charge of her own life. Everyone instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it was. The neighboring monarch granted Arthur total freedom. What a wedding Gawain and the witch had! Arthur was torn between relief and anguish. Gawain was proper as always, gentle and courteous. The old witch put her worst manners on display, and generally made everyone very uncomfortable. The hour approached, Gawain, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But what a sight waited him! The most beautiful woman he had never seen lay before him! The astounded Gawain asked what had happened. The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she'd appeared as a witch, she would henceforth be her horrible, deformed self half the time, and the other half, she would be her beautiful maiden self. Which would he want her to be during the day, and during the night? What a cruel question! Gawain pondered his predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his home, an old witch? Or would he prefer having by day a hideous witch, but by night a beautiful woman with whom to enjoy many intimate moments? What would you do? (Please pause a while and do not read on until you have made up your own mind) Noble Gawain replied that he would let her choose for herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time, because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life. What is the moral of this story? THE MORAL IS: IF A WOMAN DOESN'T GET HER WAY, THINGS GET UGLY!
Originally Posted By FaMulan >Subject: This makes more sense than "do not buy gas" > > > > > > > I hear we are going to hit close to $3.00 a gallon by the end of the summer. Want gasoline prices to come down? We need to take some intelligent, united action. Phillip Hollsworth, offered this good idea: This makes MUCH MORE SENSE than the "don't buy gas on a certain day" campaign that was going around last April or May! The oil companies just laughed at that because they knew we wouldn't continue to "hurt" ourselves by refusing to buy gas. It was more of an inconvenience to us than it was a problem for them. BUT, whoever thought of this idea, has come up with a plan that can really work. > > Please read it and join with us! > By now you're probably thinking gasoline priced at about $1.50 is super cheap. Me too! It is currently $1.97 for regular unleaded in my town. Now that the oil companies and the OPEC nations have conditioned us to think that the cost of a gallon of gas is CHEAP at $1.50- $1.75, we need to take aggressive action to teach them that BUYERS control the marketplace....not sellers. With the price of gasoline going up more each day, we consumers need to take action. The only way we are going to see the price of gas come down is if we hit someone in the pocketbook by not purchasing their gas! And we can do that WITHOUT hurting ourselves. How? Since we all rely on our cars, we can't just stop buying gas. But we CAN have an impact on gas prices if we all act together to force a price war. > > Here's the idea: For the rest of this year, DON'T purchase ANY gasoline from the two biggest companies (which now are one), EXXON and MOBIL. If they are not selling any gas, they will be inclined to reduce their prices. If they reduce their prices, the other companies will have to follow suit. But to have an impact, we need to reach literally millions of Exxon and Mobil gas buyers. It's really simple to do!!
Originally Posted By FaMulan >G. W. Bush and John Kerry somehow ended up at the same barbershop. As they >sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. >The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to >politics. > >As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Kerry in >his chair reached for the aftershave. Kerry was quick to stop him saying, >"No thanks, my wife Theresa will smell that and think I've been in a house of ill repute," > >The second barber turned to Bush and said, "How about you?" >Bush replied, "Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside >of a house of ill repute smells like.
Originally Posted By FaMulan I'm an equal opportunity offender. If I get a good anti-Bush joke, I'll post it too.
Originally Posted By FaMulan Dunno if it's true or not, but the moral is, always be careful with your numbers. > > > This is flooding the country, based on phone calls to subscribers to > > > VISA and MASTERCARD. Please read and remember this one. It is so easy > > > to get caught. > > > > > > This information is worth reading. By understanding how the VISA > > > &MasterCard Telephone Credit Card Scam works, you'll be better > > > prepared to protect yourself. Thanks to Dr. Pat Cloney for passing > > > this on. Those con artists get more creative every day. My husband > > > was called on Wednesday from "VISA", and I was called on Thursday from > > > "MasterCard". > > > > > > The scam works like this: Person calling says, "this is <name>, and > > > I'm calling from the Security and Fraud Department at VISA. My Badge > > > number is 12460. Your card has been flagged for an unusual purchase > > > pattern, and I'm calling to verify. This would be on your VISA card > > > which was issued by <name> bank. Did you purchase an > > > Anti-Telemarketing Device for $497.99 from a marketing company based > > > in Arizona?" When you say "No", the caller continues with, "Then we > > > will be issuing a credit to your account. This is a company we have > > > been watching and the charges range from $297 to $497, just under the > > > $500 purchase pattern that flags most cards. Before your next > > > statement, the credit will be sent to (gives you your address), is > > > that correct?" You say "yes". > > > > > > The caller continues... "I will be starting a Fraud investigation. > > > If you have any questions, you should call the 1-800 number listed on > > > the back of your card (1-800-VISA) and ask for Security. You will > > > need to refer to this Control #" The caller then gives you a 6 digit > > > number. "Do you need me to read it again?" Here's the IMPORTANT > > > part on how the scam works. > > > > > > The caller then says, "he needs to verify you are in possession of > > > your card". He'll ask you to "turn your card over and look for some > > > numbers. There are 7 numbers; the first 4 are your card number, the > > > next 3 are the 'Security Numbers' that verify you are in possession of > > > the card. These are the numbers you use to make Internet purchases to > > > prove you have the card. Read me the 3 numbers". > > > > > > After you tell the caller the 3 numbers, he'll say ,"That is correct. > > > I just needed to verify that the card has not been lost or stolen, and > > > that you still have your card. Do you have any other questions?" > > > After you say No, the caller then Thanks you and states, "Don't > > > hesitate to call back if you do", and hangs up. You actually say > > > very little, and they never ask for or tell you the card number. > > > > > > But after we were called on Wednesday, we called back within 20 > > > minutes to ask a question. Are we glad we did! The REAL VISA > > > Security Department told us it was a scam and in the last 15 minutes a > > > new purchase of $497.99 was charge on on our card. Long story made > > > short, we made a real fraud report and closed the VISA card, and they > > > are reissuing us a new number. What the scammers wants is the 3-digit > > > PIN number on the back of the card. Don't give it to them. Instead, > > > tell them you'll call VISA or Master card direct. The real VISA told > > > us that they will never ask for anything on the card as they already > > > know the information since they issued the card! If you give the > > > scammers your 3 Digit PIN Number, you think you're receiving a > > > credit. However, by the time you get your statement, you'll see > > > charges for purchases you didn't make, and by then it's almost to late > > > and/or harder to actually file a fraud report. What makes this more > > > remarkable is that on Thursday, I got a call from a "Jason Richardson > > > of MasterCard" with a word-for-word repeat of the VISA scam. This > > > time I didn't let him finish. I hung up! We filed a police report, > > > as instructe d by VISA. The police said they are taking several of > > > these reports daily! They also urged us to tell everybody we know > > > that this scam is happening. Please pass this on to all your friends. > > > By informing each other, we protect each other. Thank-You. >
Originally Posted By LadyKluck This has got to be one of the best singles ads ever printed. It appeared in The Atlanta Journal: SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy. Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week old black Labrador retriever.
Originally Posted By FaMulan Little Johnny and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that > they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so > Johnny goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand. > > Johnny bravely walks up to him and says "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny > are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage." > > Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well > Johnny, > you are only 10. Where will you two live?" > > Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies "In > Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both! fit there nicely." > > Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, > "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll > need to support Jenny." > > Again, Johnny instantly replies, "Our allowance...Jenny makes 5 bucks a > week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, and > that should do us just fine." > > By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Johnny has put so much > thought into this. So, he thinks for a moment trying to come up with > something that Johnny won't have an answer to. > > After a second, Mr. Smith says, "Well Johnny, it seems like you have > got > everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What > will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?" > > Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and says "Well, we've been lucky so > far..." Mr. Smith fainted. > >
Originally Posted By FaMulan > > > Let's all shop at Sears!!!!!! > > > > > > I assume you have all seen the reports about how > > Sears is treating its > > reservist employees who are called up? By law, they > > are required to hold > > their jobs open and available, but nothing more. > > Usually, people take a big > > pay cut and lose benefits as a result of being > > called up...Sears is > > voluntarily paying the difference in salaries and > > maintaining all benefits, > > including medical insurance and bonus programs, for > > all called up reservist > > employees for up to two years. I submit that Sears > > is an exemplary corporate > > citizen and should be recognized for its > > contribution. > > > > > > Suggest we all shop at Sears, and be sure to find > > a manager to tell them > > why we are there so the company gets the positive > > reinforcement it well > > deserves. > > > > > > Pass it on. > > > > > > So I decided to check it out before I sent it > > forward. I sent the > > following email to the Sears Customer Service > > Department: > > > > > > I received this email and I would like to know if > > it is true. If it is, > > the Internet may have just become one very good > > source of advertisement for > > your store. I know I would go out of my way to buy > > products from Sears > > instead of another store for a like item even if it > > was cheaper at the other > > store. > > > Here is their answer to my > > email...................... > > > > > > > > > Dear Customer: > > > > > > Thank you for contacting Sears. > > > > > > The information is factual. We appreciate your > > positive feedback. Sears > > regards service to our country as one of greatest > > sacrifices our young men > > and women can make. We are happy to do our part to > > lessen the burden they > > bear at this time. > > > > > > Bill Thorn > > > Sears Customer Care > > > webcenter@sears.com > > > 1-800-349-4358 > > > > > > Please pass this on to all your friends, Sears > > needs to be recognized for > > this outstanding contribution and we need to show > > them as Americans, we do > > > appreciate what they are doing for our > > military!!!!!!!!!!! > > > >
Originally Posted By TiggerPooh1973 That is really great! If I had a Sears here I would go there today!
