Originally Posted By FaMulan LOL, Men are happier because they don't have to deal with the things women have to deal with.
Originally Posted By FaMulan I am a Hornbeam Tree. WHAT TREE DID YOU FALL FROM? Find your birthday and then find your tree. This is really cool and somewhat accurate. Then send it to your friends, including the one that sent it to you, so they can find out what tree they fell from, but don't forget to change the subject line to your tree. Dec 23 to Jan 01 - Apple Tree Jan 01 to Jan 11 - Fir Tree Jan 12 to Jan 24 - Elm Tree Jan 25 to Feb 03 - Cypress Tree Feb 04 to Feb 08 - Poplar Tree Feb 09 to Feb 18 - Cedar Tree Feb 19 to Feb 28 - Pine Tree Mar 01 to Mar 10 - Weeping Willow Tree Mar 11 to Mar 20 - Lime Tree Mar 21 (only) -Oak Tree Mar 22 to Mar 31 - Hazelnut Tree Apr 01 to Apr 10 - Rowan Tree Apr 11 to Apr 20 - Maple Tree Apr 21 to Apr 30 - Walnut Tree May 01 to May 14 - Poplar Tree May 15 to May 24 - Chestnut Tree May 25 to Jun 03 - Ash Tree Jun 04 to Jun 13 - Hornbeam Tree Jun 14 to Jun 23 - Fig Tree Jun 24 (only) - Birch Tree Jun 25 to Jul 04 - Apple Tree Jul 05 to Jul 14 - Fir Tree Jul 15 to Jul 25 -Elm Tree Jul 26 to Aug 04 - Cypress Tree Aug 05 to Aug 13 - Poplar Tree Aug 14 to Aug 23 - Cedar Tree Aug 24 to Sep 02 - Pine Tree Sep 03 to Sep 12 - Weeping Willow Tree Sep 13 to Sep 22 - Lime Tree Sep 23 (only) - Olive Tree Sep 24 to Oct 03 - Hazelnut Tree Oct 04 to Oct 13 - Rowan Tree Oct 14 to Oct 23 - Maple Tree Oct 24 to Nov 11 - Walnut Tree Nov 12 to Nov 21 - Chestnut Tree Nov 22 to Dec 01 - Ash Tree Dec 0! 2 to Dec 11 - Hornbeam Tree Dec 12 to Dec 21 - Fig Tree Dec 22 (only) - Beech Tree TREES (in alphabetical order) Apple Tree (Love) -- quiet and shy at times, lots of charm, appeal,and attraction, pleasant attitude, flirtatious smile, adventurous, sensitive, loyal in love, wants to love and be loved, faithful and tender partner, very generous, many talents, loves children, needs affectionate partner. Ash Tree (Ambition) -- extremely attractive, vivacious, impulsive, demanding, does not care for criticism, ambitious, intelligent, talented, likes to play with fate, can be very egotistic, reliable, restless lover, sometimes money rules over the heart, demands attention, needs love and much emotional support. Beech Tree (Creative) -- has good taste, concerned about its looks, materialistic, good organization of life and career, economical, good leader, takes no unnecessary risks, reasonable, splendid lifetime companion, keen on keeping fit (diets, sports, etc.). Birch Tree (Inspiration) -- vivacious, attractive, elegant, friendly, unpretentious, modest, does not like anything in excess, abhors the vulgar, loves life in nature and in calm, not very passionate, full of imagination, little ambition, creates a calm and content atmosphere. Cedar Tree (Confidence) -- of rare strength, knows how to adapt, likes unexpected presents, of good health, not in the least shy, tends to look down on others, self-confident, a great speaker, determined, often impatient, likes to impress others, has many talents, industrious, healthy optimism, waits for the one true love, able to make quick decisions. Chestnut Tree (Honesty) -- of unusual stature, impressive, well-developed sense of justice, fun to be around, a planner, born diplomat, can be irritated easily, sensitive of others feelings, hard worker, sometimes acts superior, feels not understood at times, fiercely family oriented, very loyal in love, physically fit. Cypress Tree (Faithfulness) -- strong, muscular, adaptable, takes what life has to give but doesn't necessarily like it, strives to be content, optimistic, wants to be financially independent, wants love and affection, hates loneliness, passionate lover which cannot be satisfied, faithful, quick-tempered at times, can be unruly and careless, loves to gain knowledge, needs to be needed. Elm Tree (Noble-mindedness) -- pleasant shape, tasteful clothes, modest demands, tends not to forgive mistakes, cheerful, likes to lead but not to obey, honest and faithful partner, likes making decisions for others, noble-minded, generous, good sense of humor, practical. Fig Tree (Sensibility) -- very strong minded, a bit self-willed, honest, loyal, independent, hates contradiction or arguments, hard worker when wants to be, loves life and friends, enjoys children and animals, few sexual relationships, great sense of humor, has artistic talent and great intelligence. Fir tree (Mysterious) -- extraordinary taste, handles stress well, loves anything beautiful, stubborn, tends to care for those close to them, hard to trust others,yet a social butterfly, likes idleness and laziness after long demanding hours at work, rather modest, talented, unselfish, many friends, very reliable. Hazelnut Tree (Extraordinary) -- charming, sense of humor, very demanding but can also be very understanding, knows how to make a lasting impression, active fighter for social causes and politics, popular, quite moody, sexually oriented, honest, a perfectionist, has a precise sense of judgment and expects complete fairness. Hornbeam Tree (Good Taste) -- of cool beauty, cares for its looks and condition, good taste, is not egoistic, makes life as comfortable as possible, leads a reasonable and disciplined life, looks for kindness and acknowledgment in an emotional partner, dreams of unusual lovers, is seldom happy with its feelings, mistrusts most people, is never sure of its decisions, very conscientious. Lime Tree (Doubt) - intelligent, hard working, accepts what life dishes out, but not before trying to change bad circumstances into good ones, hates fighting and stress, enjoys getaway vacations, may appear tough, but is actually soft and relenting, always willing to make sacrifices for family and friends, has many talents but not always enough time to use them, can become a complainer, great leadership qualities, is jealous at times but extremely loyal. Maple Tree (Independence of Mind) -- no ordinary person, full of imagination and originality, shy and reserved, ambitious, proud, self-confident, hungers for new experiences, sometimes nervous, has many complexities, good memory, learns easily, complicated love life, wants to impress. Oak Tree (Brave) -- robust nature, courageous, strong, unrelenting, independent, sensible, does not like change, keeps its feet on the ground, person of action. Olive Tree (Wisdom) -- loves sun, warmth and kind feelings, reasonable, balanced, avoids aggression and violence, tolerant, cheerful, calm, well -developed sense of justice, sensitive, empathetic, free of jealousy, loves to read and the company of sophisticated people. Pine Tree (Peacemaker) -- loves agreeable company, craves peace and harmony, loves to help others, active imagination, likes to write poetry, not fashion conscious, great compassion, friendly to all, falls strongly in love but will leave if betrayed or lied to, emotionally soft, low self esteem, needs affection and reassurance. Poplar Tree (Uncertainty) -- looks very decorative, talented, not very self-confident, extremely courageous if necessary, needs goodwill and pleasant surroundings, very choosy, often lonely, great animosity, great artistic nature, good organizer, tends to lean toward philosophy, reliable in any situation, takes partnership seriously. Rowan Tree (Sensitivity) -- full of charm, cheerful, gifted without egoism, likes to draw attention, loves life, motion, unrest, and even complications, is both dependent and independent, good taste, artistic, passionate, emotional, good company, does not forgive. Walnut Tree (Passion) -- unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts, often egotistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions, spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult and uncommon partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious strategist, very jealous and passionate, no compromise. Weeping Willow (Melancholy) - likes to be stress free, loves family life, full of hopes and dreams, attractive, very empathetic, loves anything beautiful, musically inclined, loves to travel to exotic places, restless, capricious, honest, can be influenced but is not easy to live with when pressured, sometimes demanding, good intuition, suffers in love until they find that one loyal, steadfast partner; loves to make others laugh.
Originally Posted By goodgirl <<--Poplar Tree (Uncertainty) -- looks very decorative, talented, not very self-confident, extremely courageous if necessary, needs goodwill and pleasant surroundings, very choosy, often lonely, great animosity, great artistic nature, good organizer, tends to lean toward philosophy, reliable in any situation, takes partnership seriously.
Originally Posted By Labuda <-- Maple Tree (Independence of Mind) -- no ordinary person, full of imagination and originality, shy and reserved, ambitious, proud, self-confident, hungers for new experiences, sometimes nervous, has many complexities, good memory, learns easily, complicated love life, wants to impress. Hmm, yeah, I'd say it actually pretty accurate for me. Neat!
Originally Posted By friendofdd "Apple Tree (Love) -- quiet and shy at times, lots of charm, appeal,and attraction, pleasant attitude, flirtatious smile, adventurous, sensitive, loyal in love, wants to love and be loved, faithful and tender partner, very generous, many talents, loves children, needs affectionate partner." Hmmm! Guys should find out about this. *Hey, Babe! What's your tree?*
Originally Posted By FaMulan Did I read that sign right? In an office: TOILET OUT OF ORDER...... PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW In a Laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT In a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD Outside a secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN? Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON TH E 1ST FLOOR Notice in a farmer's field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE , BUT THE BULL CHARGES. On a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK) Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle). We all need a good laugh, keep on smiling
Originally Posted By TiggerPooh1973 <----Ash Tree (Ambition) -- extremely attractive, vivacious, impulsive, demanding, does not care for criticism, ambitious, intelligent, talented, likes to play with fate, can be very egotistic, reliable, restless lover, sometimes money rules over the heart, demands attention, needs love and much emotional support.
Originally Posted By FaMulan The Most Irritating Cliché of All We hear them 24/7. But at the end of the day, which cliché makes you want to scream? With all due respect, figuring this out is not rocket science. At least, that's what a group called the Plain English Campaign thought. Led by John Lister, it surveyed more than 5,000 English-speaking people in 70 countries to determine the most annoying clichés of all time. And the No. 1 most annoying cliché is: "at the end of the day." And that is so right! There is nothing more annoying than a serious business executive standing before a room of bored employees droning on about "at the end of the day....blah blah blah." Folks just stop listening when those words are uttered. Which is exactly Lister's point about clichés. "When readers or listeners come across these tired expressions, they start tuning out and completely miss the message--assuming there is one," he told The Associated Press. "Using these terms in daily business is about as professional as wearing a novelty tie or having a wacky ringtone on your phone." Since he surveyed people in 70 countries, Lister expected geographical variations. He was surprised. The same tired old phrases are universally annoying around the world. The Most Irritating Clichés: 1. At the end of the day 2. At this moment in time 3. The constant use of "like," as if it were a form of punctuation 4. With all due respect Irritating Cliché Runners-Up: --24/7 --absolutely --address the issue --awesome --ballpark figure --bear with me --between a rock and a hard place --blue-sky thinking --bottom line --crack troops --glass half full (or half empty) --I hear what you're saying --in terms of --it's not rocket science --literally --move the goal posts --on a weekly basis --ongoing --singing from the same hymn sheet --the fact of the matter is --thinking outside the box --to be honest with you --touch base
Originally Posted By FaMulan Not a joke, but I hope it will help those who aren't mourning a close loss understand those of us who are... Hoping it will be of some comfort.....The death of a loved one can be very painful. Grief can be so overwhelming, it frightens us. Many people worry about grieving the "right" way and wonder if their feelings are normal. Most people who suffer a loss may find themselves experiencing one or more of the following: Tightness in the throat Heaviness in the chest An empty feeling in the stomache Loss of appetite Difficulty concentrating Difficulty completing tasks Difficulty sleeping Recurrent dreams about the loved one Restlessness Aimlessness A sense of loneliness and isolation Mood changes over the slightest things Inability to picture the loved one before the illness Crying at unexpected times Neglecting one's own health Experiencing some of the same physical symptoms as the loved one Preoccupation with the life of the loved one Anger at having been abandoned by the loved one A need to tell and retell the experience of the loved one's death Assuming a need to take care of others who seem comfortable by avoiding discussing one's loss Visualization of the deceased loved one A need to remember and retell things about the loved one It's okay to cry. We respond with a numbness, shock, denial, intense sorrow, pain, anger,confusion, loneliness, emptiness, depression, guilt, fear, abandonment, isolation, physical symptoms, irritability, fantasy, restlessness, disorganization and hopelessness. Grieving comes and goes in intensity. Some days you are doing well, and other days are just hard to get through. At times, you will be surprised at how the most insignificant thing can bring on an outpouring of grief. At other times, you will be amazed at your strength.
Originally Posted By FaMulan Mozart Beyond the Grave When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate. When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards." He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling." So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..." Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about....... Are you ready for this?............. Are you sure?........ ......... " It's just Mozart decomposing."
Originally Posted By FaMulan Timmy was a five-year-old boy whose Mom loved him very much, and being a worrier, she was concerned about his walking to school when he started kindergarten. She walked him to school the first couple of days and at the end of the week he came home he told her that he didn't want her walking him to school every day. He wanted to be like the "big boys". His mom had an idea about how to handle the situation. She asked a neighbor, Mrs. Goodnest, if she would please follow him to school in the mornings, staying at a distance, so he probably wouldn't notice her. Mrs. Goodnest said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well, so she agreed. The next school day, Mrs. Goodnest and her little girl, Marcy, set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor boy he knew. She did this for the entire week. As the boys walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, Timmy's friend noticed the same lady was following them as she had done every day of the week. Finally he said to Timmy, "Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week? Do you know her?" Timmy replied, "Yes, I know who she is." The friend said, "Well, who is she?" Timmy said, "That's just Shirley Goodnest and her daughter Marcy." "Shirley Goodnest? Who is she and why is she following us?" "Well", Timmy explained, "every night my Mom makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers, 'cuz she worries about me so much and in the Psalm it says, "Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life, so I guess I'll just have to get used to it!" (Author unknown)
Originally Posted By FaMulan Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. Going to a singles' bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away. "I'm just an ordinary man," he said, walking up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." The woman went home with Charles, and the next day she became his stepmother. Men will never learn.
Originally Posted By FaMulan Top Ten Pet Peeves Dogs have about Humans: 1. Blaming your farts on me... not funny... not funny at all! 2. Yelling at me for barking.. I'M A DOG YOU IDIOT! 3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway? 4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose... stop it! 5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home. 6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo what a proud moment for the top of the food chain. 7. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back! 8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet. 9 . Dog sweaters. Hello?? Haven't you noticed the fur? 10. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous.
Originally Posted By FaMulan THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK 1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of it. 2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce. 3. How about never? Is never good for you? 4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. 5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way. 6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter. 7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message. 8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant. 9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying. 10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again. 11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid. 12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers. 13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a darn. 14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. 15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you. 16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. 17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist. 18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental. 19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!? 20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant. 21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off. 22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial. 23. And your cry baby whiney-arsed opinion would be...? 24. Do I look like a people person? 25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting. 26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left. 28. If I throw a stick, will you leave? 29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed. 30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed. 31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality. 32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. 33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1? 34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses. 35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it? 36. Chaos, panic, & disorder...my work here is done. 37. How do I set a laser printer to stun? 38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary. 39. Oh, I get it....like humor... but different
Originally Posted By FaMulan I wanted to thank all my friends and family who have forwarded email chain letters to me in 2004. Because of your kindness: * I stopped drinking Coca Cola after I found out that it's good for removing toilet stains. * I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with a disease. * I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer. * I don't leave my car in the parking lot or any other place and sometimes I even have to walk about 7 blocks for fear that someone will drug me with a perfume sample and try to rob me. * I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they may ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda, Singapore and Tokyo. * I also stopped eating chicken and hamburgers because they are nothing other than horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers that are bred in a lab so that places like McDonalds can sell their Big Macs and chicken nuggets. >* I also stopped drinking anything out of a can for fear that I will get sick from the rat feces and urine. * When I go to parties, I don't look at any guy no matter how hot he is, for fear that he will take me to a hotel, drug me then take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice. * I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times. (Funny that girl,she's been 7 since 1993...) * I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I made expecting the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I participated in heir special e-mail program would arrive soon. * My free Nokia phone never arrived and neither did the free passes for a paid vacation to Disneyland. * But I am positive that all this is the cause of a stinking chain that I broke or forgot to follow and I got a curse from hell. IMPORTANT NOTE: If you do not send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 10 seconds, a bird will crap on your car.
Originally Posted By FaMulan Martha vs. Maxine Martha's Way Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips. Maxine's Way Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it, anyway! Martha's Way To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes. Maxine's Way Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year. Martha's Way When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake Maxine's Way Go to the bakery! They'll even decorate it for you. Martha's Way If you accidentally oversalt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix-me-up." Maxine's Way If you oversalt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes!" Martha's Way Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks. Maxine's Way Celery? Never heard of it! Martha's Way Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish. Maxine's Way The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust so I don't. Martha's Way Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away. Maxine's Way Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink! Martha's Way If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy. Maxine's Way Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you. Martha's Way Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces. Maxine's Way Leftover wine???????? HEL-LO !!!!!
Originally Posted By FaMulan They're Back! Church Bulletin Bloopers: Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services: Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa. The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals." The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus." Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King. Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you. Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons. The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy." Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. Please place your donation in the envelope a long with the deceased person you want remembered. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch. The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
