Originally Posted By FaMulan 1. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. 2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. 3. A day without sunshine is like, well, night. 4. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. 5. Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse? 6. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. 7. Seen it all, done it all. Can't remember most of it. 8. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. 9. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. 10. He's not dead. He's electroencephalographically challenged. 11. She's always late. In fact, her ancestors arrived on the "Juneflower." 12. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you. 13. I wonder how! much deeper the ocean would be without sponges. 14. Honk if you love peace and quiet. 15. Pardon my driving, I'm reloading. 16. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular? 17. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. 18. It is hard to understand how a cemetery can raise its burial costs and blame it on the higher cost of living. 19. Just remember if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off. 20. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong. 21. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them. 22. You can't have everything. Where would you put it? 23. Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world population. 24. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it. 25. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first. 26. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking. 27. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries. 28. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture. 29. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. 30. It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats. 31. Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens. 32. I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few. 33. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it. 34. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. 35. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
Originally Posted By FaMulan HOW TO TELL THE SEX OF A FLY > > A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with > a fly swatter. > > "What are you doing?" She asked. > > "Hunting Flies" He responded. > > "Oh. Killing any?" She asked. > > "Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied. > > > > > Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?" > > He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone." > >
Originally Posted By FaMulan NEVER SAY TO A COP 1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas) 2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. 3.Aren't you the guy from the Village People? 4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job! 5. Are You Andy or Barney? 6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer. 7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you? 8. I pay your salary! 9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too! 10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does. 11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are. 12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyeslook glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
Originally Posted By FaMulan Please tell ten friends to tell ten today! The Breast Cancer site is having trouble getting enough people to click on it daily to meet their quota of donating at least one free mammogram a day to an underprivileged woman. It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram" for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram in exchange for advertising! Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. <a href="http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/" target="_blank">http://www.thebreastcancersite .com/</a>
Originally Posted By FaMulan For those of you who just thought you knew everything, here's a refresher course. The lliquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for blood plasma. No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times. Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes. You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television. Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older. The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum. The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class. Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning. Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin. The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer. Walt Disney was afraid of mice. Pearls melt in vinegar. The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order. It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs. A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why. And the best for last..... Turtles can breathe through their butts. (I know some people like that; don't YOU?) Now you DO know everything!!!
Originally Posted By FaMulan MARRIAGE SEMINAR While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other." He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?" Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it? The rest of the story gets rather ugly, so I'll stop right here. WHO DOES WHAT A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.......... "HEBREWS"
Originally Posted By friendofdd >>>You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.<<< I must be burning a lot since I do both at once.
Originally Posted By FaMulan A man staggered home late after another evening with his drinking >buddies. Shoes in left hand to avoid waking his wife, he tiptoed as >quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs >bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step in the darkened entryway. >As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he >landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and >made the landing especially painful. Managing to suppress a yelp, the man >sprung up, pulled down his pants, and examined his lacerated and bleeding >cheeks in the mirror of a nearby darkened hallway, then managed to find a >large full box of Band-aids and proceeding to place a patch as best he >could >on each place he saw blood. After hiding the now almost empty box, he >managed to shuffle and stumble his way to bed. > >In the morning, the man awoke with searing pain in head and butt and >his wife staring at him from across the room. She said, "You were drunk >again last night. " Forcing himself to ignore his agony, he looked >meekly at her and replied, "Now, hon, why would you say such a mean >thing?", "Well," she said, "it could be the open front door, it could >be the glass at >the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through >the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but, mostly....it's all those >Band-aids stuck on the downstairs mirror!"
Originally Posted By FaMulan An oldie, but still a goodie: > >>Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a > >>> > >neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved > >>> > >by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his > > > freedom, > > >>> > >as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would > >>> > >have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still > >>> > >had no answer, he would be put to death. > >>> > > > >>> > >The question?....What do women really want? Such a question would > >>> > >perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it > >>> > >seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he > >>> > >accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end. > >>> > > > >>> > >He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, > >>> > >the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with > >>> > >everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. > >>> > > > >>> > >Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would > >>> > >have the answer. > >>> > > > >>> > >But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the > >>> > >kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged. > >>> > > > >>> > >The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to > > > talk > > >>> > >to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have > > > to > > >>> > >agree to her price first. > >>> > > > >>> > >The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the > >>> > >Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend! > >>> > > > >>> > >Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had > > > only > > >>> > >one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had > > > never > > >>> > >encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life. > >>> > > > >>> > >He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a > > > terrible > > >>> > >burden, but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. > >>> > > > >>> > >He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life > >>> > >and the preservation of the Round Table. > >>> > > > >>> > >Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's > >>> > >question thus: > >>> > > > >>> > >What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her > >>> > >own life. > >>> > > > >>> > >Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a > >>> > >great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared. > >>> > > > >>> > >And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom > > > and > > >>> > >Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding. > >>> > > > >>> > >The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a > >>> > >horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited > >>> > >him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen, lay before him on > > > the > > >>> > >bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened. > >>> > > > >>> > >The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she > >>> > >appeared as a witch, she would, henceforth, be her horrible deformed > >>> > >self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half. > >>> > > > >>> > >Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night? > >>> > > > >>> > >Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman > >>> > >to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his > >>> > >castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch > >>> > >during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy > >>> > >wondrous, intimate moments? > >>> > > > >>> > >What would YOU do? > >>> > > > >>> > >What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make YOUR choice before you > >>> > >scroll down below. OKAY? > >>> > > > >>> > > > >>> > > > >>> > > > >>> > > > >>> > > > >>> > >Noble Lancelot, knowing the answer the witch gave Arthur to his > >>> > >question, said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself. > >>> > > > >>> > >Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the > >>> > >time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of > >>> > >her own life. > >>> > > > >>> > >Now....what is the moral to this story? > >>> > > > >>> > >The moral is..... > >>> > >If you don't let a woman have her own way.... > >>> > >Things are going to get ugly >
Originally Posted By FaMulan UNDERWEAR IS IMPORTANT!! Listen up! If you don't laugh out loud at this one, call the morgue and reserve a tray, because you are dead. Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle... From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carryon with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by. The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead -----------------
Originally Posted By FaMulan I've seen two shows lately that went on and on about how mid-life is a great time for women. Just last week Oprah had a whole show on how great menopause will be.... Puhleeeeeeeze! I've had a few thoughts of my own and would like to share them with you. Whether you are pushing 40, 50, 60 (or maybe even just pushing your luck) you'll probably relate. Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache. In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wingspans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag. Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see your rear without turning around. Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and you realize that this is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless. Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, "Listen honey, even the Roman empire fell and those will too." Mid-life brings wisdom to know that life throws us curves and we're sitting on our biggest ones. Mid-life is when you look at your-know-it-all, beeper-wearing teenager and think: "For this I have stretch marks?" In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact the only thing we can retain is water. Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand McNally -- more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of Wisconsin. Mid-life means that you become more reflective..You start pondering the "big" questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice? But mid-life also brings with it an appreciation for what is important. We realize that breasts sag, hips expand and chins double, but our loved ones make the journey worthwhile Would any of you trade the knowledge that you have now for the body you had way back when? Maybe our bodies simply have to expand to hold all the wisdom and love we've acquired. That's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it!
Originally Posted By TiggerPooh1973 I thought these were good.....is that true about Susan Lucci??? I never knew that!! 40 Things You May Not Know 1. Money isn't made out of paper; it's made out of cotton. 2. The 57 on Heinz ketchup bottle represents the varieties of pickle the company once had. 3. Your stomach produces a new layer of mucus every two weeks - otherwise it will digest itself (eeww). 4. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper. 5. The dot over the letter 'i' is called a "tittle". 6. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top. 7. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller. 8. A duck's quack doesn't echo ... no one knows why. 9. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals. 10. Every person has a unique tongue print (no licking at the scene of a crime!). 11. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled. 12. The 'spot' on 7UP comes from its inventor who had red eyes. He was albino. 13. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily. 14. During the chariot scene in 'Ben Hur' a small red car can be seen in the distance. 15. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister. 16. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system; a few ounces will kill a small sized dog. 17. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode. 18. Most lipstick contains fish scales (eeww). 19. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants! 20. Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine. 21. Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' and 'lower' because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the 'upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, 'lower case' letters. 22. Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time ( ... and multi-tasking was invented). 23. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood. 24. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos. 25. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan, there was never a recorded Wendy before! 26. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, and silver! 27. Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips. 28. A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go mad and sting itself to death. 29. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original "Halloween" was a Captain Kirk mask painted white. 30. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar ( ... good to know . ). 31. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand (and you thought this list was completely useless). 32. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb (sign of a true civilized society ... not). 33. American Airlines saved $40,000 in '87 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first class. 34. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was the Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola. 35. Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. It's the same with apples! (guess what I'm buying on my next trip to the grocery store!) 36. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying! 37. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher. 38. Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries. 39. Back in the mid to late 80's, an IBM compatible computer wasn't considered a hundred percent compatible unless it could run Microsoft's Flight Simulator game. 40. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a space suit damages them (families taking long car rides should adopt this same policy).
Originally Posted By FaMulan Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators so Far during the Summer Olympics that they would like to take back: 1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing." 2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother." 3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." 4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious." 5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again." 6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces." 7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew." 8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field." 9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them...Oh my God, what have I just said?"
Originally Posted By FaMulan A Splinter Problem > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > A lady from Missoula, Montana who was a tree > > > > > hugger and an anti-hunter, purchased a piece of > > > > > timberland. There was a large tree on one of the > > > > > highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a > > > > > good view of the natural splendor of her land so she > > > > > started to climb the big tree. As she neared the > > > > > top, she encountered a spotted owl that attacked > > > > > her. > > > > > > > > > > In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the > > > > > tree to the ground and got many splinters in her > > > > > crotch. > > > > > > > > > > In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest > > > > > country doctor. She told him what an > > > > > environmentalist and anti-hunter she was, and how > > > > > she came to get all the splinters. The doctor > > > > > listened to her story with great patience and then > > > > > told her to go into the examining room and he would > > > > > see if he could help her. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > She sat and waited for three hours before the > > > > > doctor reappeared. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > The angry lady demanded, "What took you so long?" > > > > > > > > > > He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get > > > > > permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, > > > > > the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land > > > > > Management before I could remove old-growth timber > > > > > from a recreational area and I'm sorry, but they > > > > > all turned me down." > >
Originally Posted By FaMulan Medical report from Michigan: Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room. A young woman entered with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing. It was quickly determined the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said; "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
Originally Posted By FaMulan >Daddy's Little Girl > >Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father >that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "Since >Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," she asks, >"will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine? > >Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think God >would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?" > >"Osama Bin Laden," she says > >"Why Osama Bin Laden," her father asks in shock > >"Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish >girl could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to >think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a >little bit. > >And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, >he'd love everyone a lot. And then! he'd start going all over the place >to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone >anymore." > >Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with >newfound pride. > >"Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard." > >"I know," Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open, >the Marines could blow the you-know-what out of him." >
Originally Posted By FaMulan GREAT TRUTHS GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED: 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats. 2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair. 3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person. 4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato. 5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food. 6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. 7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time. 8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. 9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. 10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap. GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED: 1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree. 2) Wrinkles don't hurt. 3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts. 4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground. 5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside. 6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy. GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD 1) Growing up is mandatory; growing old is optional. 2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get. 3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there. 4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster. 5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions. 6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician. 7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone. THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE: 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus. SUCCESS: At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants. At age 12 success is . . . having friends. At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license. At age 20 success is . . . having sex. At age 35 success is . . . having money. At age 50 success is . . . having money. At age 60 success is . . . having sex. At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license. At age 75 success is . . . having friends. At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
Originally Posted By FaMulan Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday and I wasn't feeling too good that morning. I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and probably have a present for me. As it turned out, she didn't even say good morning, let alone any happy birthday. I thought, well, that's wives for you, the children will remember.. The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and despondent.. As I walked into my office, my secretary Janet said, "Good morning, Boss. Happy Birthday". And I felt a little better that someone had remembered. I worked until noon, then Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me." I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. "Let's go!" We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go; instead we went out to a private little place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously. On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?" I said, "No, I guess not." She said, "Let's go to my apartment." After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable" "Sure!" I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake ----- followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our friends, all singing Happy Birthday. And I just sat there ---- on the couch ---- naked.
