Originally Posted By FaMulan These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things >people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published >by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges >were actually taking place. > >ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? >WITNESS: No, I just lie there. >______________________________ > >ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? >WITNESS: July 18th. >ATTORNEY: What year? >WITNESS: Every year. >_____________________________________ > >ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? >WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. >______________________________________ > >ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? >WITNESS: Yes. >ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? >WITNESS: I forget. >ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? >_____________________________________ > >ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? >WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. >ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? >WITNESS: Forty-five years. >_____________________________________ > >ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? >WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" >ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? >WITNESS: My name is Susan. >______________________________________ > >ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? >WITNESS: We both do. >ATTORNEY: Voodoo? >WITNESS: We do. >ATTORNEY: You do? >WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. >______________________________________ > >ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he >doesn't know about it until the next morning? >WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? >___________________________________ > >ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? >WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.. >_____________________________________ > >ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? >WITNESS: Would you repeat the question? >______________________________________ > >ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? >WITNESS: Yes. >ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? >WITNESS: Uh.... >______________________________________ > >ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? >WITNESS: Yes. >ATTORNEY: How many were boys? >WITNESS: None. >ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? >______________________________________ > >ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? >WITNESS: By death. >ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? >______________________________________ > >ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? >WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. >ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? >______________________________________ > >ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition >notice which I sent to your attorney? >WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. >______________________________________ > >ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead >people? >WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. >______________________________________ > >ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? >WITNESS: Oral. >______________________________________ > >ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? >WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. >ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? >WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an >autopsy on him! >______________________________________ > >ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? >WITNESS: Huh? >______________________________________ > >ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a >pulse? >WITNESS: No. >ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? >WITNESS: No. >ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing? >WITNESS: No. >ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began >the autopsy? >WITNESS: No. >ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? >WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. >ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? >WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing >law. >
Originally Posted By FaMulan This is just how my day goes, really!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A.A.A.D.D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder This is how it manifests: I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my Ford truck and decide it needs washing. As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mailbox earlier. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the GMC. I lay the coach keys down on the table, put the junk mail in th! e garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first. But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first. I take my checkbook off the table, and see that there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking. I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. I see that the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I shoul! d put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need to be watered. I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in ! the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers. I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do. At the end of the day: * the GMC isn't washed * the bills aren't paid * there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter * the flowers don't have enough water * there is still only one check in my check book * I can't find the remote * I can't find my glasses * I don't remember what I did with the car keys. Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired. I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail. Do me a favor, will you? Forward this message to everyone you know, because I don't remember to whom it has been sent. Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming! GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL. LAUGHING AT YOURSELF IS THERAPEUTIC!
Originally Posted By FaMulan A man met a beautiful lady and decided he wanted to marry her right >away. >She protested, "But we don't know anything about each other." >He replied, "That's all right; we'll learn about each other as we go >along." >So she consented, and they were married and went on a honeymoon to a >very nice resort. One morning, they were lying by the pool when he got >up off his towel, climbed up to the 10 meter board and did a two and a >half tuck gainer, entering the water perfectly, almost without a ripple. >This was followed by a three rotations in jackknife position before he >again straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more >demonstrations, he came back and lay down on his towel. >She said, "That was incredible!" >He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you >we'd learn more about ourselves as we went along." >So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing laps. She was moving >so fast that the froth from her pushing off at one end of the pool would >hardly be gone before she was already touching the other end of the >pool. She did laps in freestyle, breast stroke, even butterfly! After >about thirty laps, completed in mere minutes, she climbed back out and >lay down on her towel, barely breathing hard. >He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?" >No," she said, "I was a hooker in Kentucky and I worked both sides of >the Ohio River.
Originally Posted By FaMulan 1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't. 2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. 3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me! 4.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. 5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke 6.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. 7.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me 8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. 9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe. 10.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing. 11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. 12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine. 13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many. 14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. 15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. 16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? 17.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it! 18.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up. 19.. Procrastinate Now! 20.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That? 21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. 22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance 23.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere! 24..They call it PMS because MadCow Disease was already taken. 25..He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead. 26..A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory. 27..Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig. 28.. The trouble with life is there's no background music. 29.. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson. 30.. I smile! because I don't know what the hell is going on 31. Cat - the other white meat 32. You're a feminist? Isn't that cute
Originally Posted By FaMulan DICTIONARY OF WOMEN'S ENGLISH: 1. Yes = No 2. No = Yes 3. Maybe = No 4. We need = I want.. 5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry 6. We need to talk = You're in trouble 7. Sure, go ahead = You better not 8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later 9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron! 10. You're certainly attentive t.. Is sex all you ever think about? DICTIONARY OF MEN'S ENGLISH: 1. I am hungry = I am hungry 2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy 3. I am tired = I am tired 4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage! 5. I love you = Let's have sex now 6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex? 7. May I have t his dance? = I'd like to have sex with you 8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you 9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you 10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
Originally Posted By FaMulan A man and his wife are seated in a fancy French restaurant for dinner. > > >After the waiter arrives the man says: "I'll have your biggest, thickest >Porterhouse steak." > > >The waiter replies: "Monsieur.....what about ze mad cow?" > > >The man replies: "She'll have a salad."
Originally Posted By FaMulan 1) Ziploc Bags -- They are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them. 2) Copiers -- They are Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed. 3) Tire -- Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated. 4) Hot Air Balloon -- Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part. 5) Sponges -- Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water. 6) Web Page -- Female, because it's always getting hit on. 7) Subway -- Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up. 8) Hourglass -- Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom. 9) Hammer -- Male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around. 10) Remote Control -- Female...... Ha! You thought it'd be male. But consider this -- it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying
Originally Posted By FaMulan Some more fun… A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a workstation... If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions. If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with "Quit while you're ahead"? Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me...they were cramming for their finals. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks, so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps toothpicks? Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do...write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail? Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso. VENI, VEDI, VISA: I came, I saw, I did a little shopping. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for? STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. Clones are people two. If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong? Go ahead and take risks...just be sure that everything will turn out OK.. No one ever says "It's only a game" when their team is winning. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag? Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. Think "honk" if you're telepathic. ALWAYS GIVE 100% AT WORK 12% Monday 23% Tuesday 40% Wednesday 20% Thursday 5% Friday I can't dial 911. There's no 11 on my phone. Jesus loves you. It's everybody else that thinks you're a jerk. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was "Always". Can you yell "MOVIE!" in a crowded fire station. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy? To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question... ...or is it? Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let her sleep. Be nice to your kids. They will be choosing your nursing home. I still miss my ex. But my aim is getting better! A closed mouth gathers no feet. If women can have PMS, then men can have ESPN. When blondes have more fun, do they know it? Remember, half the people in the world are below average.
Originally Posted By FaMulan Some of these are just wrong… 1. Pick up condom packages & randomly put them in peoples carts when they aren't looking. 2. Set all the alarm clocks in house wares to go off at 5 minute intervals. 3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor to the rest rooms. 4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3 in house wares,'...and see what happens. 5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away. 6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department. 8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me alone? 9. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose. 10. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. 11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from'Mission Impossible'. 12. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels. 13. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say 'PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!!!' 14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream 'NO! It's those voices again'. 15. Go into a fitting room and yell real loud. 'We're out of toilet paper in here!'
Originally Posted By FaMulan "A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey......but a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong."' "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."
Originally Posted By FaMulan Roy the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young (hens) layers, called pullets, and eight or ten roosters, whose job was to fertilize the eggs. The farmer kept records, and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time so he bought sets of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so Roy could tell from a distance which rooster was performing. So, now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells. The farmers favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning Roy noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all. Roy went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. BUT, to Farmer Roy's amazement, Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and procede to the next one. Roy was so proud of Butch, he entered him in the county fair, where Butch became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result: The judges not only awarded Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize" but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well. Clearly Butch was a Politician in the making. Who else could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?
Originally Posted By FaMulan CASINO DEALERS AND A BLONDE Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet $20,000.00 on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed, "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers starred at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching." THE MORAL OF THE STORY: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.
Originally Posted By FaMulan Church Bulletin Bloopers: Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services: ---------------------------------------------------- The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus." ---------------------------------------------------- Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King. ---------------------------------------------------- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands. --------------------------------------------------- The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict. ---------------------------------------------------- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you. ---------------------------------------------------- Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. ---------------------------------------------------- Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. ---------------------------------------------------- For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. ---------------------------------------------------- Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. ---------------------------------------------------- Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons. ---------------------------------------------------- The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy." ---------------------------------------------------- Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. ---------------------------------------------------- A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. ---------------------------------------------------- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. ---------------------------------------------------- Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. ---------------------------------------------------- Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. ---------------------------------------------------- The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility ... ---------------------------------------------------- Pot! luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow. ---------------------------------------------------- The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. ---------------------------------------------------- This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. ---------------------------------------------------- Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done. ---------------------------------------------------- The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. ---------------------------------------------------- Low Self Esteem Support Group wil! l meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. ---------------------------------------------------- The eighth-graders will be prese nting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. ---------------------------------------------------- Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. ---------------------------------------------------- The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours "
Originally Posted By FaMulan It is now official, dear topic. I am a Notary Public for the State of CA working primarily in Orange County.
Originally Posted By FaMulan TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930's, 40's, 50's, 60's, and 70's !! First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes. Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking. As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat. We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this. We ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter, and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING! We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K. We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem. We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms..........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them! We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth, and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever. We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays. We made up games with sticks and tennis balls, and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes. We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them! Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law! This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers, and inventors ever! The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success, and responsibility. And, we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL! And YOU are one of them! CONGRATULATIONS! You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good. And, while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were. Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?! Have a great Day!!! Celebrate the past!!!
Originally Posted By FaMulan Some fodder for a discussion with your children: ATTENTION PLEASE!!! SNOPES SAYS THIS IS TRUE!! see URL at bottom of page,,, ~First IM going to tell you a little about me and my family. My name is Jeff. I am a Police Officer for a city which is known nationwide for its crime rate. We have a lot of gangs and drugs. At one point we were # 2 in the nation in homicides per capita. I also have a police K-9 named Thor. He was certified in drugs and general duty. He retired at 3 years old because he was shot in the line of duty. He lives with us now and I still train with him because he likes it. I always liked the fact that there was no way to bring drugs into my house. Thor wouldn't allow it. He would tell on you. The reason I say this is so you understand that I know about drugs. I have taught in schools about drugs. My wife asks all our kids at least once a week if they used any drugs. Makes them promise they wont. I like building computers occasionally and started building a new one in February 2005. I also was working on some of my older computers. They were full of dust so on one of my trips to the computer store I bought a 3 pack of DUST OFF. Dust Off is a can of compressed air to blow dust off a computer. A few weeks later when I went to use them they were all used. I talked to my kids and my 2 sons both said they had used them on their computer and messing around with them. I yelled at them for wasting the 10 dollars I paid for them. On February 28 I went back to the computer store. They didn't have the 3 pack which I had bought on sale so I bought a single jumbo can of Dust Off. I went home and set it down beside my computer. On March 1st I left for work at 10 PM. At 11 PM my wife went down and kissed Kyle goodnight. At 530 am the next morning Kathy went downstairs to wake Kyle up for school, before she left for work. He was sitting up in bed with his legs crossed and his head leaning over. She called to him a few times to get up. He didn't move. He would sometimes tease her like this and pretend he fell back asleep. He was never easy to get up. She went in and shook his arm. He fell over. He was pale white and had the straw from the Dust Off can coming out of his mouth. He had the new can of Dust Off in his hands. Kyle was dead. I am a police officer and I had never heard of this. My wife is a nurse and she had never heard of this. We later found out from the coroner, after the autopsy, that only the propellant from the can of Dust off was in his system. No other drugs. Kyle had died between midnight and 1 Am. I found out that using Dust Off is being done mostly by kids ages 9 through 15. They even have a name for it. It's called dusting. A take off from the Dust Off name. It gives them a slight high for about 10 seconds. It makes them dizzy. A boy who lives down the street from us showed Kyle how to do this about a month before. Kyle showed his best friend. Told him it was cool and it couldn't hurt you. Its just compressed air. It cant hurt you. His best friend said no. Kyle's death Kyle was wrong. It's not just compressed air. It also contains a propellant. I think its R2. Its a refrigerant like what is used in your refrigerator. It is a heavy gas. Heavier than air. When you inhale it, it fills your lungs and keeps the good air, with oxygen, out. That's why you feel dizzy, buzzed. It decreases the oxygen to your brain, to your heart. Kyle was right. It cant hurt you. IT KILLS YOU. The horrible part about this is there is no warning. There is no level that kills you. It's not cumulative or an overdose; it can just go randomly, terribly wrong. Roll the dice and if your number comes up you die. ITS NOT AN OVERDOSE. Its Russian roulette. You don't die later. Or not feel good and say I've had too much. You usually die as your breathing it in. If not you die within 2 seconds of finishing "the hit." That's why the straw was still in Kyle's mouth when he died. Why his eye's were still open. The experts want to call this huffing. The kids don't believe its huffing. As adults we tend to lump many things together. But it doesn't fit here. And that's why its more accepted. There is no chemical reaction. no strong odor. It doesn't follow the huffing signals. Kyle complained a few days before he died of his tongue hurting. It probably did. The propellant causes frostbite. If I had only known. Its easy to say hay, its my life and I'll do what I want. But it isn't. Others are always effected. This has forever changed our family's life. I have a hole in my heart and soul that can never be fixed. The pain is so immense I cant describe it. There's nowhere to run from it. I cry all the time and I don't ever cry. I do what I'm supposed to do but I don't really care. My kids are messed up. One wont talk about it. The other will only sleep in our room at night. And my wife, I cant even describe how bad she is taking this. I thought we were safe because of Thor. I thought we were safe because we knew about drugs and talked to our kids about them. After Kyle died another story came out. A Probation Officer went to the school system next to ours to speak with a student. While there he found a student using Dust Off in the bathroom. This student told him about another student who also had some in his locker. This is a rather affluent school system. They will tell you they don't have a drug problem there. They don't even have a dare or plus program there. So rather than tell everyone about this "new" way of getting high they found, they hid it. The probation officer told the media after Kyle's death and they, the school, then admitted to it. I know that if they would have told the media and I had heard, it wouldn't have been in my house. We need to get this out of our homes and school computer labs. Using Dust Off isn't new and some "professionals" do know about. It just isn't talked about much, except by the kids. They know about it. April 2nd was 1 month since Kyle died. April 5th would have been his 15th birthday. And every weekday I catch myself sitting on the living room couch at 2:30 in the afternoon and waiting to see him get off the bus. I know Kyle is in heaven but I cant help but wonder If I died and went to Hell. Jeff (this is a true story, I checked it out at this site <a href="http://www.snopes.com/toxins/dustoff.asp" target="_blank">http://www.snopes.com/toxins/d ustoff.asp</a>.) Please read and talk to your children/grandchildren about inhalant abuse.
Originally Posted By FaMulan Inner Strength If you can start the day without caffeine, If you can get going without pep pills, If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains, If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles, If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it, If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time, If you can take criticism and blame without resentment If you can ignore a friend's limited education and never correct him, If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend, If you can conquer tension without medical help, If you can relax without liquor, If you can sleep without the aid of drugs . . . ...Then You Are Probably The Family Dog!
Originally Posted By MissCandice Congrats FaMulan, on getting your certification for being a notary. Now you can have a catchphrase of your very own. "Notarize this, sucka!"
